Someone introduced me to the concept of "redefining perfect" the other day. I had never heard that phrase before, but instantly liked it. It's a cognitive/behavioral therapy kind of term. That whole branch of psychology emphasizes that our thoughts are what produce behaviors. For many people, when they think they "can't" do something, they give up. Being that we are humans, there will always be limitations to what we can do. We will mess up. We will fail. We will fall short of our most cherished goals. And maybe that is ok...at least that's the point of "redefining perfect". Maybe "perfect" for you is getting it right 80 percent of the time...and allowing yourself the 20 percent of freedom to fail.
For me, this was an eye-opening concept. I tend to be a perfectionist. If I can't do something perfectly, I don't want to do it. If it is something I have to do, I am endlessly frustrated with the details that didn't go perfectly. I focus on the 10 percent that is missing, rather than the 90 percent that was fabulous. Admittedly, this is a character flaw in me. I have many; we all do. I decided long ago that I might as well just know my faults and own up to them--to me, that's the only way to live a healthy and authentic life. A quote by Socrates sums that up for me: "The unexamined life is not worth living." So true.
A constant quest for me is to learn how to be gracious with myself. I have no problem being gracious with others, giving them the benefit of the doubt. But I hold myself to a higher standard. Sometimes, that is a good thing, because it pushes me to do things with excellence. Sometimes, though, it is paralyzing, because the fear of not doing something perfectly keeps me from trying certain things. While I have made great strides in this area of my life, I am still a work in progress.
The whole idea of "redefining perfect" is pivotal for me: giving myself permission to not get it right all the time. A revolutionary concept! I realize that many of you who are reading this might be thinking, "duh!". Of course none of us is going to get everything right a hundred percent of the time. While I know that cognitively, emotionally, it is a different story. Maybe it is ok to be really good, instead of perfect. Maybe it is ok to completely mess up, dust yourself off, and try again. That is a freeing idea for me!
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My sophomore year at Purdue I was in a engineering communications class for mechanical engineering. It was the first semester that I was officially in the school of ME. The second week or so we actually discussed the idea of redefining perfect. The professor basically said that if anyone was a perfectionist, they probably wouldn't make it at Purdue, the course load was too demanding to make everything perfect. Especially in engineering where there is never a 'correct' answer; Engineering is all about realizing when your answer is close enough and being confident in the solution.
I try to make things as perfect as possible and am usually rewarded for it (my two engineering design projects this semester I earned 100%s), however during my four years in college, I really learned how to turn in something that wasn't perfect (especially homework). If I learned two things at Purdue, they would be this: not everything can be perfect, some things need to be perfect and its my job to pick what gets less attention.
It sounds like Purdue did well by you, BB! Important lessons to learn. I find that I keep having to re-learn lessons I thought I'd already mastered...but I'm probably just a slow learner!
It did. The day after I graduated, I went out and bought a Purdue Alumni T-Shirt. I've worn it about 6 times, I graduated 2 weeks ago.
btw, I'm glad you're blogging full time again.
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