Today, I went to a clergy appreciation lunch. It was given by one of the funeral homes in town, to thank the pastors for their service to the community. The lunch was at a really nice Italian restaurant, where I had manicotti that rocked my world (and even have leftovers in the fridge).
At this meal, they had amazing, mouth-watering desserts. I cannot eat desserts. If I eat sugar, I literally feel like I am about to die, within a few minutes of ingestion. Since I'm not a fan of near-death experiences, I avoid sugar like the plague. But I have developed a strange habit. I now like to smell other people's desserts. I know, I'm strange. Somehow, if I can just smell it, not eating it doesn't seem like such a sacrifice. I had to hold myself back from asking the pastor next to me if I could smell his pecan pie. My fear of being known as that "crazy Methodist pastor who sniffs desserts" overrode my desire for inhalation. Sometimes, I can be downright well-behaved (don't tell anyone).
In addition to feeding us, the friendly funeral home people also gave us each a gift: a $20 gift card to Kroger's. I was shocked. I thought that the lunch was more than extravagant...especially considering it is part of our job description, as pastors, to do funerals. It was rather unexpected to be given a gift, just for doing my job. And since Kroger sells gas, I might actually get a couple gallons of free gas out of that $20 gift card, which excites me.
Today made me realize that it is nice to be appreciated, to get a pat on the back every once in a while. It made me remember how important it is to say 'thank you' and to let people know that they matter, even if they are just doing their jobs. I usually try to be extra polite to people who serve me (wait staff, clerks, pedicurists, etc.), making sure they know they are appreciated--but sometimes I forget (or am so busy talking that I don't say "thank you" when someone refills my water). I feel inspired, after today, to be on the look out for more ways to encourage others, to thank them for what they do. It means more than we realize. With all the negative things in life, in this world, maybe we could all try a little harder to pass on some positive encouragement, some appreciation.
With that in mind, I want you to know how much I appreciate you, my faithful blog readers. It is so much fun to write something and know that there are people who actually read it...in fact, people who come here regularly just to see what I have to say. That means a lot! This blog is made possible by readers like you (I totally stole that from PBS).
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Feet and Service
While running some errands today, I decided to get a pedicure. I had an hour to kill before a meeting and walked past a nail place (conveniently located inside Wal-Mart). Looking down at my feet, which certainly needed some TLC, I decided to give it a try. I have had a pedicure before, but it has been a while (probably 2 years or so).
The woman who did my pedicure was a tiny Asian woman. I swear that my feet alone were almost as big as she was (she was really tiny, and my feet are really big).
I sat in a big massage chair with a foot-soaking tub attached. The massage part of the chair made me feel motion-sick, so I turned that off, but I could get used to that foot-soaking apparatus. I am trying to figure out a way to hook one up to my favorite chair at home.
The woman commented that I had beautiful skin, as she massaged my feet and the lower part of my legs. This, of course, seemed incredibly awkward. In any other context, it might seem like she was hitting on me, but I am pretty certain she was just making conversation. I find it incredibly amusing when people comment on my skin, which occasionally happens. I guess some people think the vampire look is attractive. When you have skin so pale that people can see your veins and organs through it, "beautiful" is not the word that comes to mind. Truly, I look like I need a blood transfusion, but I just thanked her for her kindness and did not enlighten her with the fact that I think I look like the living dead.
Sitting in that massage chair, I was pretty high up in the air, while this woman sat on a little bench at my feet. That felt extremely awkward to me, like I was up on a throne while she sat beneath me, serving me...as if I were in a superior position and she were somehow, lower. I did not like it. Couldn't my chair be a little lower and hers a little higher? It made me feel pretentious.
Generally, I think feet are disgusting (even my own). I used to clip my grandpa's toenails for him. They were thick and crooked, and it was more like sawing than cutting. I did it, though, because he could not see or reach well enough to do it himself. I did it because I loved him deeply. All the while, it turned my stomach. But I think that is the nature of sacrificial love: doing things that make you want to vomit (or are in some way unpleasant) because you love someone and it needs to be done. To me, the idea of touching peoples' feet for a living would be an unthinkable task. This woman did not seem to mind. She did her job thoroughly and well...and even gave me advice on foot care (for example, you are supposed to cut your toenails in a straight line...who knew? How I do that with the nail clippers I own is a mystery, but I will at least attempt it next time).
I know this sounds totally corny (no pun intended), but I thought about Jesus at the Last Supper as she pampered my feet today. It was difficult enough to have someone I did not know touching my feet...but to imagine it being Jesus, my Lord and Ruler, bending down to serve me. No wonder Peter put up such a fuss! It is a difficult thing to be served--to sit back and let someone lavish you with attention, with love.
I have always been amazed at the foot washing scene in the Gospels. I mean, it was Jesus' last night on earth, His last time with His disciples. This was His final chance to reinforce any message that He really wanted the disciples to get. And what does He do? He gets down on His hands and knees and washes feet...teaching them that serving others is what it is all about. For Jesus, there is nothing more important than lowering yourself and serving. Maybe sometimes, we serve others by letting them serve us. But most times, it means taking ourselves out of center place and letting someone else have the priority position and focus.
Picturing that woman at my feet today gives me a visual of how I want to live my life: bending down to take care of others, to show them what Christ is like, to take myself out of the spotlight and give, radically and fully. One of my favorite verses is from John 3:30, where John the Baptist speaks of Jesus, saying: "He must become greater, I must become less". Maybe He becomes greater as we become less in relation to others. Maybe Jesus becomes greater as we get on our knees and serve.
The woman who did my pedicure was a tiny Asian woman. I swear that my feet alone were almost as big as she was (she was really tiny, and my feet are really big).
I sat in a big massage chair with a foot-soaking tub attached. The massage part of the chair made me feel motion-sick, so I turned that off, but I could get used to that foot-soaking apparatus. I am trying to figure out a way to hook one up to my favorite chair at home.
The woman commented that I had beautiful skin, as she massaged my feet and the lower part of my legs. This, of course, seemed incredibly awkward. In any other context, it might seem like she was hitting on me, but I am pretty certain she was just making conversation. I find it incredibly amusing when people comment on my skin, which occasionally happens. I guess some people think the vampire look is attractive. When you have skin so pale that people can see your veins and organs through it, "beautiful" is not the word that comes to mind. Truly, I look like I need a blood transfusion, but I just thanked her for her kindness and did not enlighten her with the fact that I think I look like the living dead.
Sitting in that massage chair, I was pretty high up in the air, while this woman sat on a little bench at my feet. That felt extremely awkward to me, like I was up on a throne while she sat beneath me, serving me...as if I were in a superior position and she were somehow, lower. I did not like it. Couldn't my chair be a little lower and hers a little higher? It made me feel pretentious.
Generally, I think feet are disgusting (even my own). I used to clip my grandpa's toenails for him. They were thick and crooked, and it was more like sawing than cutting. I did it, though, because he could not see or reach well enough to do it himself. I did it because I loved him deeply. All the while, it turned my stomach. But I think that is the nature of sacrificial love: doing things that make you want to vomit (or are in some way unpleasant) because you love someone and it needs to be done. To me, the idea of touching peoples' feet for a living would be an unthinkable task. This woman did not seem to mind. She did her job thoroughly and well...and even gave me advice on foot care (for example, you are supposed to cut your toenails in a straight line...who knew? How I do that with the nail clippers I own is a mystery, but I will at least attempt it next time).
I know this sounds totally corny (no pun intended), but I thought about Jesus at the Last Supper as she pampered my feet today. It was difficult enough to have someone I did not know touching my feet...but to imagine it being Jesus, my Lord and Ruler, bending down to serve me. No wonder Peter put up such a fuss! It is a difficult thing to be served--to sit back and let someone lavish you with attention, with love.
I have always been amazed at the foot washing scene in the Gospels. I mean, it was Jesus' last night on earth, His last time with His disciples. This was His final chance to reinforce any message that He really wanted the disciples to get. And what does He do? He gets down on His hands and knees and washes feet...teaching them that serving others is what it is all about. For Jesus, there is nothing more important than lowering yourself and serving. Maybe sometimes, we serve others by letting them serve us. But most times, it means taking ourselves out of center place and letting someone else have the priority position and focus.
Picturing that woman at my feet today gives me a visual of how I want to live my life: bending down to take care of others, to show them what Christ is like, to take myself out of the spotlight and give, radically and fully. One of my favorite verses is from John 3:30, where John the Baptist speaks of Jesus, saying: "He must become greater, I must become less". Maybe He becomes greater as we become less in relation to others. Maybe Jesus becomes greater as we get on our knees and serve.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Finding God's Will
I read a book this weekend, but I'm not going to tell you the name or the author. It is kind of embarrassing, since it was a Christian fiction romance kind of a book--probably geared to someone in the college age range more than someone with "one foot and three toes in the grave" (to quote one of my former youth group members as he remarked on my age).
Yeah, I pretty much had a weak moment and bought a book that did absolutely nothing to further my intelligence. My Grandpa Dietsch is shaking his finger at me from the Great Beyond even now. He would always take me to bookstores and buy me anything I wanted, provided it challenged me mentally. Fiction was generally a no-no, unless it was some great work of literature, like Shakespeare. Because of that constant reinforcement in my childhood (since books are my addiction and my Grandpa was my supplier!), I feel internally guilty whenever I read popular fiction. I do it on occasion, despite the guilt.
Anyway, because it was Christian fiction, the author felt the need to infuse it with pearls of faith-based wisdom. Actually, some of it was rather insightful. Something that made me think was her discussion of God's will. She wrote about something called "Hot on His Heels Theology" The meaning of this: in order to know what God's will is for our lives, we need to stay so close to Him that we can actually hear what He tells us to do (i.e. hot on His heels). This is in contrast to the idea of God closing doors and opening windows in order to show us what to do and where to go. Though, I must admit, I am not opposed to the theology of the closing door. I try to stay as close to God as possible, listen intently, practice spiritual disciplines, seek discernment, etc. But there are moments when a decision needs to be made and I am still not sure what God wants me to do. So, I go with the option that I think is best and pray, "God, if this is not the direction I am supposed to be going, please just slam the door in my face". Usually, if I am headed the wrong way, that is exactly what happens.
The whole "Hot on His Heels Theology" thing, discussed in my forever anonymous book, gives the impression that sometimes God speaks very quietly and you have to get really close in order to know what He is saying. This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode with the "low talker". Maybe God is a Cosmic "low talker" and we have to draw ever closer to hear what He is saying to us. If this is true, it is not because God is playing some game with us. I think it is because we so easily take the reigns into our own hands, rush ahead of what God is doing, and do our own thing...then we get in trouble. Maybe God speaks softly so we will slow down, learn to wait, follow after Him, and really be ready for the answers that we are seeking. I like that idea. If we want to know what God's will is for our lives, we have to get as close to Him as possible and stay there...seeking God with all that we are, until we hear (and understand) His voice.
Speaking of God's will: In my life, God has opened up an opportunity that I feel led to pursue. I was accepted today to a Doctorate of Ministry program at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. I will begin this July. Basically, I go twice a year, for 10 days each time, for a residency. The rest of the year, I read books and write papers...a lot of books and a lot of papers. The focus is in Marriage and Family Counseling, and by the end of the program, I should be eligible to take the state exam to become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in addition to receiving my doctorate. I am very excited about the opportunity. I am sure you will hear more about it on the blog in the future.
Yeah, I pretty much had a weak moment and bought a book that did absolutely nothing to further my intelligence. My Grandpa Dietsch is shaking his finger at me from the Great Beyond even now. He would always take me to bookstores and buy me anything I wanted, provided it challenged me mentally. Fiction was generally a no-no, unless it was some great work of literature, like Shakespeare. Because of that constant reinforcement in my childhood (since books are my addiction and my Grandpa was my supplier!), I feel internally guilty whenever I read popular fiction. I do it on occasion, despite the guilt.
Anyway, because it was Christian fiction, the author felt the need to infuse it with pearls of faith-based wisdom. Actually, some of it was rather insightful. Something that made me think was her discussion of God's will. She wrote about something called "Hot on His Heels Theology" The meaning of this: in order to know what God's will is for our lives, we need to stay so close to Him that we can actually hear what He tells us to do (i.e. hot on His heels). This is in contrast to the idea of God closing doors and opening windows in order to show us what to do and where to go. Though, I must admit, I am not opposed to the theology of the closing door. I try to stay as close to God as possible, listen intently, practice spiritual disciplines, seek discernment, etc. But there are moments when a decision needs to be made and I am still not sure what God wants me to do. So, I go with the option that I think is best and pray, "God, if this is not the direction I am supposed to be going, please just slam the door in my face". Usually, if I am headed the wrong way, that is exactly what happens.
The whole "Hot on His Heels Theology" thing, discussed in my forever anonymous book, gives the impression that sometimes God speaks very quietly and you have to get really close in order to know what He is saying. This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode with the "low talker". Maybe God is a Cosmic "low talker" and we have to draw ever closer to hear what He is saying to us. If this is true, it is not because God is playing some game with us. I think it is because we so easily take the reigns into our own hands, rush ahead of what God is doing, and do our own thing...then we get in trouble. Maybe God speaks softly so we will slow down, learn to wait, follow after Him, and really be ready for the answers that we are seeking. I like that idea. If we want to know what God's will is for our lives, we have to get as close to Him as possible and stay there...seeking God with all that we are, until we hear (and understand) His voice.
Speaking of God's will: In my life, God has opened up an opportunity that I feel led to pursue. I was accepted today to a Doctorate of Ministry program at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. I will begin this July. Basically, I go twice a year, for 10 days each time, for a residency. The rest of the year, I read books and write papers...a lot of books and a lot of papers. The focus is in Marriage and Family Counseling, and by the end of the program, I should be eligible to take the state exam to become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in addition to receiving my doctorate. I am very excited about the opportunity. I am sure you will hear more about it on the blog in the future.
Monday, May 26, 2008
God's Faithfulness
I just received an email from my PPRC (Pastor Parrish Relations Committee) Chair. He is a retired Air Force Colonel. He signed the email with this closing: "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition". For some reason, that seems like one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Who knows, though, I am tired after many cookouts and much barbecued food...
Today has been a great day of visiting with friends, talking, relaxing, and eating. I can't eat much at one time, but it seems like all I have done today is eat. Memorial Day madness!
Since Memorial Day is a day of remembering, my thoughts have turned, again, to God's faithfulness in my life. That was the topic of my sermon yesterday: God's faithfulness. God is good, that is His nature, He can be nothing other than good...and the best news: God longs to be good to us, to lavish His beauty and blessing upon us.
All I have to do is look back on my life for proof of God's goodness. I see evidence of God's faithfulness around every corner. I couldn't always see it at the time, but in retrospect, it is obvious that God was always present and continually working for my good--even in the darkest, most disappointing moments.
The other day, I was driving down a tree-lined, bending kind of road. Because of the way the trees were, and the nature of the road's curves, I couldn't see much of what was up ahead. It made me think of life, the way we don't know what is coming next around the bend. That used to be a scary thing to me, that "unknown". The longer I live and the more I experience of God, I am more excited than frightened about what is around each corner. Even if something really bad is up ahead, God will be right there with me in the midst of it. What more do I need? The very intimate Presence and help of the God who breathed life into dirt so I might exist. It makes me think of the words to an old hymn: "What have I to fear? What have I to dread? Leaning on the Everlasting Arms". Those "Arms"--that unending faithfulness of God--is the same today as it was yesterday. God will not fail us. In that alone, I find my deepest rest and peace.
I mentioned in my sermon yesterday that I recently saw a colleague of mine, a fellow pastor, who I only see once or twice a year. Before he speaks, I know exactly how the conversation is going to go. It will be negative, heavy, and sad. I almost dread asking the question: "How are you?" He always answers, and it is always bad. Has God failed to be good to him? Has God failed to be present? Has God failed to bring good things to pass in the midst of the difficulties?
God does not fail...we fail. We fail to see what God is doing in our midst. We fail to look. We fail to reflect on our lives and see the trace of God's Hand, bringing beauty out of the ashes. If we have nothing to be thankful for, if we see no evidence of God's faithfulness, it is because our vision has faltered, not because God has failed to be good.
I realize that Memorial Day--a day of remembering--is almost over, but I encourage you to take some time to think about God's faithfulness in your life. It takes work to cultivate a grateful and trusting heart...one way to start is to actively reflect on God's nature and His gracious actions in your life. God is good...all the time. God has been good to you. God will continue to be good to you. Open your eyes and see more of His goodness.
Today has been a great day of visiting with friends, talking, relaxing, and eating. I can't eat much at one time, but it seems like all I have done today is eat. Memorial Day madness!
Since Memorial Day is a day of remembering, my thoughts have turned, again, to God's faithfulness in my life. That was the topic of my sermon yesterday: God's faithfulness. God is good, that is His nature, He can be nothing other than good...and the best news: God longs to be good to us, to lavish His beauty and blessing upon us.
All I have to do is look back on my life for proof of God's goodness. I see evidence of God's faithfulness around every corner. I couldn't always see it at the time, but in retrospect, it is obvious that God was always present and continually working for my good--even in the darkest, most disappointing moments.
The other day, I was driving down a tree-lined, bending kind of road. Because of the way the trees were, and the nature of the road's curves, I couldn't see much of what was up ahead. It made me think of life, the way we don't know what is coming next around the bend. That used to be a scary thing to me, that "unknown". The longer I live and the more I experience of God, I am more excited than frightened about what is around each corner. Even if something really bad is up ahead, God will be right there with me in the midst of it. What more do I need? The very intimate Presence and help of the God who breathed life into dirt so I might exist. It makes me think of the words to an old hymn: "What have I to fear? What have I to dread? Leaning on the Everlasting Arms". Those "Arms"--that unending faithfulness of God--is the same today as it was yesterday. God will not fail us. In that alone, I find my deepest rest and peace.
I mentioned in my sermon yesterday that I recently saw a colleague of mine, a fellow pastor, who I only see once or twice a year. Before he speaks, I know exactly how the conversation is going to go. It will be negative, heavy, and sad. I almost dread asking the question: "How are you?" He always answers, and it is always bad. Has God failed to be good to him? Has God failed to be present? Has God failed to bring good things to pass in the midst of the difficulties?
God does not fail...we fail. We fail to see what God is doing in our midst. We fail to look. We fail to reflect on our lives and see the trace of God's Hand, bringing beauty out of the ashes. If we have nothing to be thankful for, if we see no evidence of God's faithfulness, it is because our vision has faltered, not because God has failed to be good.
I realize that Memorial Day--a day of remembering--is almost over, but I encourage you to take some time to think about God's faithfulness in your life. It takes work to cultivate a grateful and trusting heart...one way to start is to actively reflect on God's nature and His gracious actions in your life. God is good...all the time. God has been good to you. God will continue to be good to you. Open your eyes and see more of His goodness.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Dancing in God's goodness
My sermon today is about God's faithfulness. It made me think of that Footprints poem, about God carrying us during the most difficult times of our lives. I found another version of that poem that I like even better...because it involves dancing. I like the image of our life with God as a dance. Maybe you have heard it before. Even so, I hope it reminds you of the faithfulness of our great God, who works all things for good for those who love Him.
FOOTPRINTS…A New Version
Author Unknown
Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace.
But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns. For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends! This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps.
Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.
This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one. This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.
Now you pray:"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."
"That is correct."
"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."
"Very good.. You have understood everything so far."
When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."
"Precisely."
"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."
There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice. "You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"
FOOTPRINTS…A New Version
Author Unknown
Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace.
But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns. For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends! This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps.
Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.
This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one. This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.
Now you pray:"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."
"That is correct."
"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."
"Very good.. You have understood everything so far."
When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."
"Precisely."
"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."
There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice. "You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Saturday Hikes and Online Dating
Since it was a beautiful day, I decided to go to a local park and hike one of the trails this afternoon. There is a multi-purpose trail that is a little over 4 miles which looked good to me. I have walked other trails at this particular park, but never this one, because my dogs are usually with me and they are not allowed (which makes me wonder how "multi-purpose" the trail really is).
The first thing I noticed as I began my trek was the number of men who like to run/walk without shirts on. Regardless of age or level of physical fitness, most of the men I passed were shirtless. Admittedly, I must have some amount of testosterone surging through my female body, because if I see a man without a shirt, I cannot stop myself from looking. This is bad in two ways. First, if the man is very attractive, I have to say to myself: "Tina, stop staring at his chest. Don't think about nakedness. Think pure thoughts!" On the flip side, if the man is not so attractive, I still can't help but look. But then I say to myself: "Tina, look away right now or else that image will stay in your mind forever...and you wouldn't want that to happen". I realize this sounds rude and/or judgmental. I don't mean disrespect to these men. My point is: When you are in public would you please wear a shirt, for the love! Attractive or not so attractive, either way, put a shirt on!
The other scenery today was breath-taking. I remember a line from some song: "I've never seen blue like that before". That's how the sky looked today...like blue from another world. It was so pretty it almost brought tears to my eyes. The sun shining on my skin felt warm and invigorating. The wildflowers were so pretty that I almost tripped while looking at them, instead of watching where I was going. The best part was being able to push myself, physically, and feel challenged and alive. The human body is such an awe-inspiring thing. It is incredible to feel all your parts working together toward a goal, breathing deeply, moving fast, and feeling the wind in your hair. For most of my life, I was never much of an outdoor kind of person (nor much of an exercise person, for that matter)...but I think I could get used to this. It is so much more interesting than sitting inside, watching TV. I think it must be a sin to sit inside on a day like today. Truly, I felt closer to God than I have in a while...just by spending time walking in His creation (and listening to fabulous Christian music on my I-pod).
In other news, I signed up for a Christian dating site last night. I guess I am tired of not knowing any single guys in my age range, who share similar values. Granted, I have not looked around this site much yet, but I did look at a few profiles of guys in my age range. Most of them say things like "I am looking for someone in her early to mid-20s". So, essentially, they want women at least 10 years younger than them. The flip side of that is the age of men that seem to be viewing my profile (there is a feature where you can see who has viewed you). The average age of most men viewing my profile is 50. I just don't understand men. Is there something wrong with dating someone who is actually your age? Just asking!
I don't have great hopes for this online dating endeavor. I tried the online dating thing about 5 years ago. Actually, I met a guy that was really interesting. We talked for a couple months and I was starting to think, "This could be someone I'd be seriously interested in dating". Little by little, however, red flags started to appear. The biggest one, for me, was that he still lived with his parents (at age 30). He had not moved home because of a difficult time...he had just never moved out. He lived in his parents' basement. This might be shallow on my part, but I think someone who is 30 years old should have lived on his own, at least for a significant amount of time. I am not looking for Bill Gates to provide for me and take care of me. I don't even care about money (obviously, I am a pastor; money is not my motivating force in my life). But someone who knows how to take care of himself and knows who he is, these are non-negotiables to me. The first day of online dating does not look so hopeful, but we will see how it goes.
I realize that today's post is not the deepest of all posts. But I promise something more theologically stimulating will be coming soon. Hopefully the sheer excitement of my life will be inspiring to you (ha ha ha!). Now I must go and take a shower because, after hiking around this afternoon, I smell like a teenage boy. Have a fabulous weekend, blog friends!
The first thing I noticed as I began my trek was the number of men who like to run/walk without shirts on. Regardless of age or level of physical fitness, most of the men I passed were shirtless. Admittedly, I must have some amount of testosterone surging through my female body, because if I see a man without a shirt, I cannot stop myself from looking. This is bad in two ways. First, if the man is very attractive, I have to say to myself: "Tina, stop staring at his chest. Don't think about nakedness. Think pure thoughts!" On the flip side, if the man is not so attractive, I still can't help but look. But then I say to myself: "Tina, look away right now or else that image will stay in your mind forever...and you wouldn't want that to happen". I realize this sounds rude and/or judgmental. I don't mean disrespect to these men. My point is: When you are in public would you please wear a shirt, for the love! Attractive or not so attractive, either way, put a shirt on!
The other scenery today was breath-taking. I remember a line from some song: "I've never seen blue like that before". That's how the sky looked today...like blue from another world. It was so pretty it almost brought tears to my eyes. The sun shining on my skin felt warm and invigorating. The wildflowers were so pretty that I almost tripped while looking at them, instead of watching where I was going. The best part was being able to push myself, physically, and feel challenged and alive. The human body is such an awe-inspiring thing. It is incredible to feel all your parts working together toward a goal, breathing deeply, moving fast, and feeling the wind in your hair. For most of my life, I was never much of an outdoor kind of person (nor much of an exercise person, for that matter)...but I think I could get used to this. It is so much more interesting than sitting inside, watching TV. I think it must be a sin to sit inside on a day like today. Truly, I felt closer to God than I have in a while...just by spending time walking in His creation (and listening to fabulous Christian music on my I-pod).
In other news, I signed up for a Christian dating site last night. I guess I am tired of not knowing any single guys in my age range, who share similar values. Granted, I have not looked around this site much yet, but I did look at a few profiles of guys in my age range. Most of them say things like "I am looking for someone in her early to mid-20s". So, essentially, they want women at least 10 years younger than them. The flip side of that is the age of men that seem to be viewing my profile (there is a feature where you can see who has viewed you). The average age of most men viewing my profile is 50. I just don't understand men. Is there something wrong with dating someone who is actually your age? Just asking!
I don't have great hopes for this online dating endeavor. I tried the online dating thing about 5 years ago. Actually, I met a guy that was really interesting. We talked for a couple months and I was starting to think, "This could be someone I'd be seriously interested in dating". Little by little, however, red flags started to appear. The biggest one, for me, was that he still lived with his parents (at age 30). He had not moved home because of a difficult time...he had just never moved out. He lived in his parents' basement. This might be shallow on my part, but I think someone who is 30 years old should have lived on his own, at least for a significant amount of time. I am not looking for Bill Gates to provide for me and take care of me. I don't even care about money (obviously, I am a pastor; money is not my motivating force in my life). But someone who knows how to take care of himself and knows who he is, these are non-negotiables to me. The first day of online dating does not look so hopeful, but we will see how it goes.
I realize that today's post is not the deepest of all posts. But I promise something more theologically stimulating will be coming soon. Hopefully the sheer excitement of my life will be inspiring to you (ha ha ha!). Now I must go and take a shower because, after hiking around this afternoon, I smell like a teenage boy. Have a fabulous weekend, blog friends!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Being an Extrovert
I'm back from mini-vacation. I had an action-packed couple of days, with clergy session (insert yawn) and then a whirlwind trip to Lima. I ended up seeing more people than I even anticipated, which was wonderful. This trip reminded me, once again, that I am an extrovert. I mean that in the truest sense of the word. People think of "extrovert" as "outgoing" and "introvert" as "shy"...at least, that is my take on the common perception.
The best definition I've heard of extroversion/introversion is that extroverts feel energized by interactions with others and introverts feel energized by alone time. Ideally, a truly balanced person would find refreshment in both activities, but all people are going to tend toward one end of the spectrum or the other.
After seeing so many people that I loved and have missed--and after having good, reconnecting kinds of conversation with many--I feel renewed and re-energized. I don't often get to spend a couple days at a time with lots and lots of people. Being at a small church, in the middle of the country, I see a few people each day (and a lot of people on Sundays), but generally spend a lot more time alone, in reflection, than I do with large amounts of people. I was beginning to think I'd become an introvert. Really, I think I had just adjusted to my situation. Necessity is the mother of introversion, at least in my case.
I have always felt guilty about being an extrovert, thinking it not as intellectual or deep as being an introvert. Most introverts I know spend their lives wishing they were extroverts. Why is it that, no matter what the trait, as humans, we are never content with who we are? We always want to be what we are not.
I am grateful for growing older. Side note: I realize I am not "old" yet, at least not from the perspective of those of you older than I am. However, I am older than I have ever been in my life. What I like about each passing year is the perspective that it brings about what is important, about what really matters. (I dislike the gray hairs that appear on my head with continuing frequency). I guess I had to get into my thirties to start accepting myself as I am. For the first time in my life, I am happy that I am an extrovert. I see positives in the fact that I enjoy spending time with people, even just chatting at a superficial level (though, I'd prefer deeper conversation). I just like people and feel better about life and about myself after spending time with others. Granted, too much time with junior high students makes me want to become an introvert, but I guess there are exceptions to every rule!
So, if I were to sum this all up in a couple sentences as a thought for the day: God made us each unique and special, created the way we are for a reason and purpose. Maybe it is time we all started to embrace ourselves for who we are and celebrate the amazing gifts we have been given, instead of wishing we were different or more like someone else. (Or maybe I am the only one who struggles with this???)
The best definition I've heard of extroversion/introversion is that extroverts feel energized by interactions with others and introverts feel energized by alone time. Ideally, a truly balanced person would find refreshment in both activities, but all people are going to tend toward one end of the spectrum or the other.
After seeing so many people that I loved and have missed--and after having good, reconnecting kinds of conversation with many--I feel renewed and re-energized. I don't often get to spend a couple days at a time with lots and lots of people. Being at a small church, in the middle of the country, I see a few people each day (and a lot of people on Sundays), but generally spend a lot more time alone, in reflection, than I do with large amounts of people. I was beginning to think I'd become an introvert. Really, I think I had just adjusted to my situation. Necessity is the mother of introversion, at least in my case.
I have always felt guilty about being an extrovert, thinking it not as intellectual or deep as being an introvert. Most introverts I know spend their lives wishing they were extroverts. Why is it that, no matter what the trait, as humans, we are never content with who we are? We always want to be what we are not.
I am grateful for growing older. Side note: I realize I am not "old" yet, at least not from the perspective of those of you older than I am. However, I am older than I have ever been in my life. What I like about each passing year is the perspective that it brings about what is important, about what really matters. (I dislike the gray hairs that appear on my head with continuing frequency). I guess I had to get into my thirties to start accepting myself as I am. For the first time in my life, I am happy that I am an extrovert. I see positives in the fact that I enjoy spending time with people, even just chatting at a superficial level (though, I'd prefer deeper conversation). I just like people and feel better about life and about myself after spending time with others. Granted, too much time with junior high students makes me want to become an introvert, but I guess there are exceptions to every rule!
So, if I were to sum this all up in a couple sentences as a thought for the day: God made us each unique and special, created the way we are for a reason and purpose. Maybe it is time we all started to embrace ourselves for who we are and celebrate the amazing gifts we have been given, instead of wishing we were different or more like someone else. (Or maybe I am the only one who struggles with this???)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Mini-vacation
Today, I go to clergy session. All the pastors in our regional area get together for the day, to talk, worship, learn, discuss, and to vote (we wouldn't be United Methodists without all the voting!). It is an all day meeting, to do what we could get done in a couple hours, but it is fun to see people that I haven't seen in a year, so I won't complain. My motivating force for attendance at most events is fellowship, so I am excited about yucking it up with some of my cronies today.
After the session ends, I am booking it out of town, hoping to make it to Lima in time for a T-ball game. One of my oldest (meaning length of time of the friendship, not her age) and dearest friends has two sons that are like nephews to me. Zach has a T-ball game. I look forward to cheering him on. I am sure that 5 year olds playing T-ball will not reach great heights of athletic achievement, but it should be fun to watch, nonetheless.
I am staying the night in Lima, taking a vacation day the next day, and helping out my friend Melinda with final book projects at Lima Senior High School (where she is a teacher). I plan to meet with some of my old youth group kids, stop by my old church, and have dinner with some friends. It will be a whirlwind trip and I will not get to see half the people that I want to see...good thing I was invited back in a couple weeks for a Saturday dinner at the house of some people I love dearly!
All this itinerary information is to say that I will not get a chance to blog for a day or two, so check back Friday morning some time for the latest entry...or take some time to read the multitudes of past posts. Thanks for stopping by!
After the session ends, I am booking it out of town, hoping to make it to Lima in time for a T-ball game. One of my oldest (meaning length of time of the friendship, not her age) and dearest friends has two sons that are like nephews to me. Zach has a T-ball game. I look forward to cheering him on. I am sure that 5 year olds playing T-ball will not reach great heights of athletic achievement, but it should be fun to watch, nonetheless.
I am staying the night in Lima, taking a vacation day the next day, and helping out my friend Melinda with final book projects at Lima Senior High School (where she is a teacher). I plan to meet with some of my old youth group kids, stop by my old church, and have dinner with some friends. It will be a whirlwind trip and I will not get to see half the people that I want to see...good thing I was invited back in a couple weeks for a Saturday dinner at the house of some people I love dearly!
All this itinerary information is to say that I will not get a chance to blog for a day or two, so check back Friday morning some time for the latest entry...or take some time to read the multitudes of past posts. Thanks for stopping by!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Weight Loss Surgery
This past February, I had gastric bypass surgery. Most of you probably know that (and by "most", I mean all 5 people who regularly read my blog!), and for those of you who didn't, well, now you do. I had not really blogged about the weight loss surgery experience, and thought I would share some today.
First, if you wonder what gastric bypass really is, it basically means my stomach is now significantly physically smaller and my intestines have been rearranged in some fascinating way that I am unable to articulate fully. It was a pretty intense surgery and a drastic step to take--not something one does on a whim. I was required to be on a 6-month doctor-supervised diet and exercise program before I could even submit my claim for insurance approval (a requirement of the insurance company)...and the hospital will not schedule your surgery until you are officially approved by insurance (or until you personally pay them tens of thousands of dollars). The diet was about as successful as the many others I have tried. I did lose 20 lbs. in 6 months...which is still progress, but not great progress. Consequently, when a lovely older lady from my church says to me (on more than one occasion, after I've already had the surgery): "I know several people who have done really well with Weight Watchers", it makes me want to scream: "If a diet had worked for me, including Weight Watchers the three times I tried it, I wouldn't have risked my life to have my innards rearranged". I don't say it, but I think it.
I have been on a diet since I was 7 years old (that means 2nd grade, my friends) and what I have learned from those years of experience: diets don't really work, not for long-term results. Only life-style change really works. I heard this surgery described as "forced behavior modification", and I think that is a good description. You still have to do your part in the process (and let me tell you, it is not easy), but the surgery is a helpful "tool" (that's what all the doctors call it, because it is something you have to work with and use, not an instant cure).
I went today for a 3-month check-up. The Cleveland Clinic (where I had my surgery) has these things called "SMAs", which I think means "shared medical appointments". A bunch of us in similar stages meet together with the doctor. She discusses our cases individually, in front of everyone else...the theory behind this is that, because we are in similar situations, we may learn something from her interaction/discussion/teaching with each of us. I guess that was true, in part...but it was also a long two-hours. One thing I learned was that, of all nine people there today, I had lost the most weight so far. Yes, I was the biggest loser! I was expecting balloons to drop and someone to hand me a big check (like on the show, which I've never watched, but I hear they get big bucks at the end). That didn't happen, but they did all clap, which was nice. I have lost 62 lbs in a little over 3 months, and over 80 lbs. since I started the process of surgery preparation last August. I have further to go, but am really happy with my progress so far.
I spent some time talking with a couple ladies from the SMA. One of them told me she was very secretive about her weight loss, that most people from her work did not know she'd had surgery. I guess she had some bad responses from people when she told them about the surgery. I had some bad responses too, but so many more positive ones that I kinda blocked out the bad stuff. I felt badly for this woman, that she felt the need to hide her surgery. It also made me angry that people are so rude. I mean, seriously, the choices I make for my own health, my own life, my own body are my choices to make. It doesn't mean others shouldn't have opinions, but it does mean they should withhold judgment, especially if they have not walked in your body or lived your life. I tell everyone who asks about my weight loss that I have had surgery. If they decide to judge me for it, I figure that is more about them than it is about me. I made a choice that has literally saved my life, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
For me, this has been one of the best experiences of my life. I would gladly talk to anyone about it. It has given me control over an area of my life that has controlled me for as long as I can remember. I feel like I can finally overcome my weight issues...not without work and discipline, of course, but feel--for the first time--that it is very possible to have continued victory in this area of my life. I have never had that hope before. It makes me feel that anything in life, in any area of my life, is possible. It makes me want to try new things, to live more fully, to be bold and daring, to really be alive. (Again, let me say how much I love this surgery!) It has changed me from the inside out. I am not sure if the surgeon did something in my brain after he was done messing around in my abdomen, but I think differently about things now: food, exercise, life, myself. I LOVE IT! For example, I had an appointment with the nutritionist after the SMA, but had a little over an hour to kill in between. I had a book with me (because I never go anywhere without a book) and was planning on just reading to pass the time. However, I thought, "Maybe I should go take a walk. This place is huge and there is a lot to see." So, I went on a brisk walk for 45 minutes (and barely saw a fraction of THE CLEVELAND CLINIC). At any other point in my life, when given the choice between a sedentary activity and a physical one, I would always choose the sedentary option. But now I like to move, to breath, to live...an amazing change. I also want to be out more, to do things, to spend time with people. Before, I was so tired and felt so gross about myself that I would just hide out at home whenever I wasn't working or didn't have a social engagement that I could not get out of...now I am constantly on the look out for the next party, the next person to talk to, the next social activity. I like being out and doing things. I think, in fact, that I finally like me...not just because I have lost weight, but because I am becoming a better version of myself in every aspect of my life. This surgery is the best choice I ever made.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Unexpected Revelations
As a pastor, you often hear deep and personal expressions from people--things that are usually as painful to hear as they are to say. In addition, I have a face that speaks. This is what my face says: "Please tell me things, random strangers--private, personal, embarrassing things. I am here to listen". Even without the title of pastor, my face invites familiarity...in grocery stores, airports, and other various and sundry locations. Sometimes, when I am particularly tired or stressed, I try not to make eye contact with people when out in public. I guess they can see in my eyes that I care, and with briefest eye contact, the telling of deep things begins. It is a gift and a curse.
Something that continues to surprise me is what happens in a pastoral counseling setting. People come into my office to talk to me. Usually, things have gotten pretty bad or difficult before you even ask to talk to your pastor, so I don't expect simple, easy things to come out of people's mouths. At some point in the conversation, the person will inevitably say something like: "Well, Pastor, it's really bad...are you sure you want to hear it? You will be surprised". I have been a pastor for 7 years, and have had this face for, well, my whole life...so honestly, there is not much I haven't heard. Still, I am always surprised when people worry they will shock me with their revelations. Maybe, just for fun, I should audibly gasp after someone tells me something particularly seedy (totally kidding!!!!).
I wonder if people think pastors are so holy that they know nothing of the world of sin and human frailty. Most people who become pastors do so because they realize they are, in fact, just as sinful as every one else in the world (perhaps moreso), and desperately in need of God's grace.
When people act as if they are about to saying something that will turn my faith upside down, I think: Has anyone ever actually read the Bible? Once you have read that book, nothing should really shock you about human nature again. It's all in there--nothing new under the sun.
The thing is, we all mess up. We all fail ourselves, fail each other, fail God. The Good News is that there is mercy, grace, healing, and new life available. That is one of the greatest things about being a pastor. I get to tell people (or at least remind them) that God's love is deeper than all their pain, God's mercy is wider than all their sin. That is an amazing thing.
Something that continues to surprise me is what happens in a pastoral counseling setting. People come into my office to talk to me. Usually, things have gotten pretty bad or difficult before you even ask to talk to your pastor, so I don't expect simple, easy things to come out of people's mouths. At some point in the conversation, the person will inevitably say something like: "Well, Pastor, it's really bad...are you sure you want to hear it? You will be surprised". I have been a pastor for 7 years, and have had this face for, well, my whole life...so honestly, there is not much I haven't heard. Still, I am always surprised when people worry they will shock me with their revelations. Maybe, just for fun, I should audibly gasp after someone tells me something particularly seedy (totally kidding!!!!).
I wonder if people think pastors are so holy that they know nothing of the world of sin and human frailty. Most people who become pastors do so because they realize they are, in fact, just as sinful as every one else in the world (perhaps moreso), and desperately in need of God's grace.
When people act as if they are about to saying something that will turn my faith upside down, I think: Has anyone ever actually read the Bible? Once you have read that book, nothing should really shock you about human nature again. It's all in there--nothing new under the sun.
The thing is, we all mess up. We all fail ourselves, fail each other, fail God. The Good News is that there is mercy, grace, healing, and new life available. That is one of the greatest things about being a pastor. I get to tell people (or at least remind them) that God's love is deeper than all their pain, God's mercy is wider than all their sin. That is an amazing thing.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Prince Caspian
My mom has been visiting me this past week, to celebrate Mother's Day and then her birthday, which is today. We did lots of celebratory things throughout the week, but needed to specifically celbrate my mom entering her 59th year of life (sorry Mom, had to say it on the blog! One more year until the fun begins...) Because I had a funeral this afternoon, we decided to celebrate Mom's birth last night. We went to dinner, a funeral home visitation, then a movie (what can I say? I really know how to party!). Incidentally, I think this is one of the reasons that dating is difficult for a single pastor. If someone asks you out on a date, you have to say things like, "That sounds great, but would you mind stopping by the funeral home with me after dinner?" Doesn't work so well...but with moms, it's no problem.
Anyway, my self-sacrificing mother not only went to the funeral home with me, she pretended to want to see a movie that I really wanted to see. She would not admit it, but I know she was not thrilled about the idea of "Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian", which came out this weekend. I also forced her to watch "Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe" on DVD this week, in preparation. She pretended to like it well enough, because she is good that way. She knows that I am obsessed with all things C.S. Lewis and, generally, supports me in my many obsessions.
Surprise surprise, "Prince Caspian" was amazing...my mom even cried...a lot. It was a truly beautiful movie. Being a person who loves (let me say that again: LOVES) "The Chronicles of Narnia", I was hesitant about these books being made into movies. Books are always better than movies (it is a universal truth). When "The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe" came out in the theater, I was there opening night. There were certainly things I liked about that movie--and I own the DVD--but it didn't measure up to the book. Truly, it fell far short of the glory of the book. The worst part, to me, was the depiction of Aslan (who is a lion, meant to be a Christ-figure). In my mind, Aslan is larger than life. To this day, my mental image of Aslan can bring me to tears. In the movie he just looked like, well, a lion...an ordinary lion (except for the fact that he talked and stuff). I guess when you are trying to represent Divinity, there is no earthly picture worthy of that fullness...but my imagination got a lot closer than the computer graphics did.
Being that I would have given the first "Chronicles of Narnia" movie a B- on the grading scale, I did not have the highest hopes for "Prince Caspian". Usually, sequels get worse, so I was expecting something in the C range...not an A (or even an A+, because I really loved this movie). I had read reviews giving it 3 out of 4 starts, saying it was good but too long, with too many protracted war scenes. I disagree. I was mesmerized the whole time. I even drank a huge bottle of water during the movie and absolutely refused to leave the theater to go to the bathroom (no matter how much my body demanded otherwise).
"Prince Caspian" was never my favorite book in the series (also not my least favorite...that distinction would go to "The Horse and His Boy", which is still a good book, but not as good as the others). However, I am now in love with this movie. It has beautiful themes of trusting in God, waiting on His timing, bravery/courage, loyalty, mercy, etc. Visually, it was captivating. And, Prince Caspian himself, is too pretty for words.
I highly recommend this movie to all. It is worth the $8 or $9 ticket price (but don't be like me and buy a $4.25 bottle of water, because you left your water bottle at home. I would complain about the ridiculous prices, but I am the ridiculous one who paid it!).
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Redefining Perfect
Someone introduced me to the concept of "redefining perfect" the other day. I had never heard that phrase before, but instantly liked it. It's a cognitive/behavioral therapy kind of term. That whole branch of psychology emphasizes that our thoughts are what produce behaviors. For many people, when they think they "can't" do something, they give up. Being that we are humans, there will always be limitations to what we can do. We will mess up. We will fail. We will fall short of our most cherished goals. And maybe that is ok...at least that's the point of "redefining perfect". Maybe "perfect" for you is getting it right 80 percent of the time...and allowing yourself the 20 percent of freedom to fail.
For me, this was an eye-opening concept. I tend to be a perfectionist. If I can't do something perfectly, I don't want to do it. If it is something I have to do, I am endlessly frustrated with the details that didn't go perfectly. I focus on the 10 percent that is missing, rather than the 90 percent that was fabulous. Admittedly, this is a character flaw in me. I have many; we all do. I decided long ago that I might as well just know my faults and own up to them--to me, that's the only way to live a healthy and authentic life. A quote by Socrates sums that up for me: "The unexamined life is not worth living." So true.
A constant quest for me is to learn how to be gracious with myself. I have no problem being gracious with others, giving them the benefit of the doubt. But I hold myself to a higher standard. Sometimes, that is a good thing, because it pushes me to do things with excellence. Sometimes, though, it is paralyzing, because the fear of not doing something perfectly keeps me from trying certain things. While I have made great strides in this area of my life, I am still a work in progress.
The whole idea of "redefining perfect" is pivotal for me: giving myself permission to not get it right all the time. A revolutionary concept! I realize that many of you who are reading this might be thinking, "duh!". Of course none of us is going to get everything right a hundred percent of the time. While I know that cognitively, emotionally, it is a different story. Maybe it is ok to be really good, instead of perfect. Maybe it is ok to completely mess up, dust yourself off, and try again. That is a freeing idea for me!
For me, this was an eye-opening concept. I tend to be a perfectionist. If I can't do something perfectly, I don't want to do it. If it is something I have to do, I am endlessly frustrated with the details that didn't go perfectly. I focus on the 10 percent that is missing, rather than the 90 percent that was fabulous. Admittedly, this is a character flaw in me. I have many; we all do. I decided long ago that I might as well just know my faults and own up to them--to me, that's the only way to live a healthy and authentic life. A quote by Socrates sums that up for me: "The unexamined life is not worth living." So true.
A constant quest for me is to learn how to be gracious with myself. I have no problem being gracious with others, giving them the benefit of the doubt. But I hold myself to a higher standard. Sometimes, that is a good thing, because it pushes me to do things with excellence. Sometimes, though, it is paralyzing, because the fear of not doing something perfectly keeps me from trying certain things. While I have made great strides in this area of my life, I am still a work in progress.
The whole idea of "redefining perfect" is pivotal for me: giving myself permission to not get it right all the time. A revolutionary concept! I realize that many of you who are reading this might be thinking, "duh!". Of course none of us is going to get everything right a hundred percent of the time. While I know that cognitively, emotionally, it is a different story. Maybe it is ok to be really good, instead of perfect. Maybe it is ok to completely mess up, dust yourself off, and try again. That is a freeing idea for me!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Living Life to the Fullest
I was on a major highway early yesterday morning, when I came across a traffic-stopping jam. Thinking it was caused by construction, I was annoyed (you may remember from other posts that I get easily frustrated by ridiculous traffic problems). After about 20 minutes of near-stopped traffic, I finally came upon the cause of the jam...and my annoyance was replaced with melancholy. It was one of the worst accidents I've ever seen. Two cars, both upside down, crushed in such a way that survival seemed almost impossible. The people/bodies were gone by the time I drove past, but the cars sat in their original post-crash positions, a monument to the frailty of life.
This sight put me in a reflective mood for the rest of my drive. It dawned on me that life is fleeting, that things as we know them can change almost instantaneously, that you never know what is coming next around the corner. It made me think of the graveside funeral liturgy in the United Methodist Book of Worship (as best as I remember it): "In the midst of life we are in death. Who will save us? Our help comes from the LORD, the Maker of Heaven and Earth". In the midst of life, we are in death...very true, but we don't generally think about it until life forces us to face up to it.
I'm not really scared of death. In some ways, I am looking forward to it. I cannot wait to see Jesus. To quote a cheesy Christian song from the 90's (which I LOVE): "So I'm waiting for another time and another place, where all my hopes and dreams will be captured with one look at Jesus face". I dream of that day. That doesn't mean I am ready to jump off a building or anything; there is much of this life that I love and would miss desperately. It just means that, when the time comes, I would rather be with Jesus than anywhere else. I think a bigger fear than death, for me, is: What if I was a driver in that accident and I lived? No one escapes unscathed from that kind of accident; life would be forever altered, physically and mentally.
Admittedly, I am a big complainer...not so much to others, but certainly to God. God gets the brunt of all my frustrations in life, which I guess is ok, since He can take it. God gets good stuff from me, too--thanks, praise, appreciation. If I'm honest, though, He probably hears more bad: complaining, arguing, bargaining, lots and lots and lots of questions (most starting with "Why?"). That accident made realize I should be more grateful for what I do have...thankful for the life I've been given, with all its complications and confusion.
I guess that accident should also inspire me to live each day to the fullest. I live pretty fully right now, but could always embrace life and its complex beauty a little more wildly than I do. You know, that whole "live like you are dying" thing. The truth is, we ARE dying...every single one of us. Some day we will breath our last breath; we just don't know when.
This leads me to my problem with the whole idea of "living like you are dying". If I knew I only had 6 months more left to live, I would do things a lot differently than I do now. If I am going to be around for 40 or 50 more years, then I think I am charting a pretty effective course at present.
If given 6 months to live--since I had time to think about this on a long drive yesterday--I would quit my job and sell everything I own. The first thing to go would be any fitness equipment and all exercise videos. I would cash in my retirement. I would take all that money and spend the first 3 months traveling to the parts of the world I have yet to see--maybe even re-visiting places I have already been, but really loved. I would backpack around Europe (because, though I have assets, they would only be enough for a nice backpack and some youth hostels). I would sing on top of the Eiffel tower, touch the Crown Jewels (they would let me, because I'd play the "I'm dying" card), kiss the Blarney Stone, and sit under a tree at C.S. Lewis's house, while re-reading my favorite book of his, "'Til We Have Faces". I would go on safari in Tanzania, take a picture of Victoria Falls, and ride on a boat down the Amazon. I would travel to Australia and sing in an opera chorus at the Sydney Opera House (which they would let me do, again, because I was dying), and then chase after some wild kangaroos, while throwing around random terms like "barbie" and "mate". I would go to China and dance on the Great Wall, then I'd swing over to Bangkok and see the Royal Palace (which I missed while I was there, because I had Buddha's revenge...similar to Montezuma's revenge). I would also buy bags and bags of Thai sticky rice from every street vendor I could find, and eat it until I'd almost explode.
At the end of all my travels, I would spend my remaining 3 months with friends and family, creating memories, and making sure they knew what they meant to me. I would also read the Bible for an hour every day and pray for at least two hours every day...you know, kinda like cramming for finals. It never hurts to be overly prepared, especially for Eternity.
While that would be a great plan if I were given 6 months to live, if I am around for a few more decades, quitting my job and selling all that I have would probably be imprudent. So, I'm not sure you can really "live like you are dying" without endangering the next 40 years or so of life. But I guess we could all be more grateful for the life and time that we do have. We could make sure to say the things that need to be said, right here and right now. We could take more chances, live a little more boldly. And I promise, some day, I am totally going to kiss the Blarney Stone...but I am going to save money and, meanwhile, continue to use my elliptical trainer (but if I get cancer some day, exercise is the FIRST thing to go!).
This sight put me in a reflective mood for the rest of my drive. It dawned on me that life is fleeting, that things as we know them can change almost instantaneously, that you never know what is coming next around the corner. It made me think of the graveside funeral liturgy in the United Methodist Book of Worship (as best as I remember it): "In the midst of life we are in death. Who will save us? Our help comes from the LORD, the Maker of Heaven and Earth". In the midst of life, we are in death...very true, but we don't generally think about it until life forces us to face up to it.
I'm not really scared of death. In some ways, I am looking forward to it. I cannot wait to see Jesus. To quote a cheesy Christian song from the 90's (which I LOVE): "So I'm waiting for another time and another place, where all my hopes and dreams will be captured with one look at Jesus face". I dream of that day. That doesn't mean I am ready to jump off a building or anything; there is much of this life that I love and would miss desperately. It just means that, when the time comes, I would rather be with Jesus than anywhere else. I think a bigger fear than death, for me, is: What if I was a driver in that accident and I lived? No one escapes unscathed from that kind of accident; life would be forever altered, physically and mentally.
Admittedly, I am a big complainer...not so much to others, but certainly to God. God gets the brunt of all my frustrations in life, which I guess is ok, since He can take it. God gets good stuff from me, too--thanks, praise, appreciation. If I'm honest, though, He probably hears more bad: complaining, arguing, bargaining, lots and lots and lots of questions (most starting with "Why?"). That accident made realize I should be more grateful for what I do have...thankful for the life I've been given, with all its complications and confusion.
I guess that accident should also inspire me to live each day to the fullest. I live pretty fully right now, but could always embrace life and its complex beauty a little more wildly than I do. You know, that whole "live like you are dying" thing. The truth is, we ARE dying...every single one of us. Some day we will breath our last breath; we just don't know when.
This leads me to my problem with the whole idea of "living like you are dying". If I knew I only had 6 months more left to live, I would do things a lot differently than I do now. If I am going to be around for 40 or 50 more years, then I think I am charting a pretty effective course at present.
If given 6 months to live--since I had time to think about this on a long drive yesterday--I would quit my job and sell everything I own. The first thing to go would be any fitness equipment and all exercise videos. I would cash in my retirement. I would take all that money and spend the first 3 months traveling to the parts of the world I have yet to see--maybe even re-visiting places I have already been, but really loved. I would backpack around Europe (because, though I have assets, they would only be enough for a nice backpack and some youth hostels). I would sing on top of the Eiffel tower, touch the Crown Jewels (they would let me, because I'd play the "I'm dying" card), kiss the Blarney Stone, and sit under a tree at C.S. Lewis's house, while re-reading my favorite book of his, "'Til We Have Faces". I would go on safari in Tanzania, take a picture of Victoria Falls, and ride on a boat down the Amazon. I would travel to Australia and sing in an opera chorus at the Sydney Opera House (which they would let me do, again, because I was dying), and then chase after some wild kangaroos, while throwing around random terms like "barbie" and "mate". I would go to China and dance on the Great Wall, then I'd swing over to Bangkok and see the Royal Palace (which I missed while I was there, because I had Buddha's revenge...similar to Montezuma's revenge). I would also buy bags and bags of Thai sticky rice from every street vendor I could find, and eat it until I'd almost explode.
At the end of all my travels, I would spend my remaining 3 months with friends and family, creating memories, and making sure they knew what they meant to me. I would also read the Bible for an hour every day and pray for at least two hours every day...you know, kinda like cramming for finals. It never hurts to be overly prepared, especially for Eternity.
While that would be a great plan if I were given 6 months to live, if I am around for a few more decades, quitting my job and selling all that I have would probably be imprudent. So, I'm not sure you can really "live like you are dying" without endangering the next 40 years or so of life. But I guess we could all be more grateful for the life and time that we do have. We could make sure to say the things that need to be said, right here and right now. We could take more chances, live a little more boldly. And I promise, some day, I am totally going to kiss the Blarney Stone...but I am going to save money and, meanwhile, continue to use my elliptical trainer (but if I get cancer some day, exercise is the FIRST thing to go!).
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Radiating Christ
It has been a long and tiring day, and I feel ready for sleep but wanted to blog about something (so as to keep up my newly formed habit). I found a beautiful prayer that I thought I would share. I hope it inspires!
Radiating Christ
By Cardinal Newman
A daily prayer used by Late Mother Teresa and by the Sisters of the Missionaries of Charity
Dear Jesus, help us to spread your fragrance everywhere we go.
Flood our souls with your spirit and life.
Penetrate and possess our whole being so utterly
that our lives may only be a radiance of yours.
Shine through us, and be so in us,
that every soul we come in contact with
may feel your presence in our soul.
Let them look up and see no longer us but only Jesus!
Stay with us, and then we shall begin to shine as you shine;
so to shine as to be a light to others;
the light O Jesus,will be all from you, none of it will be ours;
it will be you, shining on others through us.
Let us thus praise you in the way you love best
by shining on those around us.
Let us preach you without preaching,
not by words but by our example,
by the catching force,
the sympathetic influence of what we do.
The evident fullness of the love our hearts bear to you.
Amen
Radiating Christ
By Cardinal Newman
A daily prayer used by Late Mother Teresa and by the Sisters of the Missionaries of Charity
Dear Jesus, help us to spread your fragrance everywhere we go.
Flood our souls with your spirit and life.
Penetrate and possess our whole being so utterly
that our lives may only be a radiance of yours.
Shine through us, and be so in us,
that every soul we come in contact with
may feel your presence in our soul.
Let them look up and see no longer us but only Jesus!
Stay with us, and then we shall begin to shine as you shine;
so to shine as to be a light to others;
the light O Jesus,will be all from you, none of it will be ours;
it will be you, shining on others through us.
Let us thus praise you in the way you love best
by shining on those around us.
Let us preach you without preaching,
not by words but by our example,
by the catching force,
the sympathetic influence of what we do.
The evident fullness of the love our hearts bear to you.
Amen
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Personality Tests
I spent last night taking three personality tests: aproximately 1,100 questions about who I am and what I think. The tests are a required part of a Doctorate of Ministry (DMin) program that I am applying for; the DMin would require me to do work all year long, but only be in "residency" a couple times a year, for about 10 days each time. Essentially, it would count as my continuing education requirement for the next 3 years, when I emerge with, hopefully, a degree (and some valuable ministry-applicable ideas). The personality tests are, I guess, designed to make sure I am not crazy. While I am convinced most people have their own unique brand of crazy, they seem to be checking that I'm not certifiable.
One of the tests had multiple choice questions. The other two made statements and you were supposed to answer whether that statement was true for you or false for you. I had my five #2 pencils (and, today, a sore thumb from using them), filling in bubbles. It brought back awful SAT flashbacks! However, the questions were much easier, or so you would think. On a personality test, I should (at least in theory) know all the answers, better than anyone else. My problem, as I discovered last night, is that I think way too much about most things. I overthink, which is not a helpful characteristic on tests like these.
Some of the questions were straightforward. "I like science". True or False. I guess I have no problems with science; it does a lot of good in the world. I like to watch "Myth Busters", which is kind of about science. True. "I love my mother". True or False. If you say "no" to this question, I am certain that red flags and lots of bells and whistles go off in the grader's head. Who would say she doesn't love her mother on a personality test? Of course I love my mother. True. "Sometimes parts of my body become numb or tingly". True of False. (I'm not making this up, friends!). Do they mean after I sit too long taking stupid personality tests or just randomly? Numbness does not seem to be a pressing problem in my life. False. "I hear voices telling me what to do". True or False. A loaded question, if you are a pastor. Everyone has an opinion about what I should or should not do (don't mean that in a bitter way, just stating the truth). However, I am assuming that "voices" mean people that others cannot hear. Even if I did hear voices, I would not say so on a test I'm taking to figure out if I should be institutionalized or not (have no fear, I am voiceless...for now). False.
Every once in a while, a question would come up that would just stump me completely...again, it is the over-thinking problem that I have. The most difficult one for me: "I am satisfied with my sex life". True or False. I am a single pastor applying for a Doctorate of Ministry program. How do you answer that? I mean, I am completely committed to celibacy outside of the context of marriage, but that doesn't mean I like it! I just like God more than anything else and want to be faithful to what God says I should and should not do. So, no marriage=no sex. The question was whether or not I am satisfied with my sex life. There was no "does not apply" option available. Either way I answer that, it seems like a loaded question. After much internal dialogue, I answered False...because my preference would be to be married and to actually have a sex life. It is a good thing they don't give extra space for comments on your answers. They would know a whole lot more about me than they want to know...because in addition to thinking too much, I also like to clarify things completely, sometimes to a fault (like when you are taking tests with strange questions and cannot stand the inability to fully explain your answers).
Here's hoping that I "pass" the personality tests!
One of the tests had multiple choice questions. The other two made statements and you were supposed to answer whether that statement was true for you or false for you. I had my five #2 pencils (and, today, a sore thumb from using them), filling in bubbles. It brought back awful SAT flashbacks! However, the questions were much easier, or so you would think. On a personality test, I should (at least in theory) know all the answers, better than anyone else. My problem, as I discovered last night, is that I think way too much about most things. I overthink, which is not a helpful characteristic on tests like these.
Some of the questions were straightforward. "I like science". True or False. I guess I have no problems with science; it does a lot of good in the world. I like to watch "Myth Busters", which is kind of about science. True. "I love my mother". True or False. If you say "no" to this question, I am certain that red flags and lots of bells and whistles go off in the grader's head. Who would say she doesn't love her mother on a personality test? Of course I love my mother. True. "Sometimes parts of my body become numb or tingly". True of False. (I'm not making this up, friends!). Do they mean after I sit too long taking stupid personality tests or just randomly? Numbness does not seem to be a pressing problem in my life. False. "I hear voices telling me what to do". True or False. A loaded question, if you are a pastor. Everyone has an opinion about what I should or should not do (don't mean that in a bitter way, just stating the truth). However, I am assuming that "voices" mean people that others cannot hear. Even if I did hear voices, I would not say so on a test I'm taking to figure out if I should be institutionalized or not (have no fear, I am voiceless...for now). False.
Every once in a while, a question would come up that would just stump me completely...again, it is the over-thinking problem that I have. The most difficult one for me: "I am satisfied with my sex life". True or False. I am a single pastor applying for a Doctorate of Ministry program. How do you answer that? I mean, I am completely committed to celibacy outside of the context of marriage, but that doesn't mean I like it! I just like God more than anything else and want to be faithful to what God says I should and should not do. So, no marriage=no sex. The question was whether or not I am satisfied with my sex life. There was no "does not apply" option available. Either way I answer that, it seems like a loaded question. After much internal dialogue, I answered False...because my preference would be to be married and to actually have a sex life. It is a good thing they don't give extra space for comments on your answers. They would know a whole lot more about me than they want to know...because in addition to thinking too much, I also like to clarify things completely, sometimes to a fault (like when you are taking tests with strange questions and cannot stand the inability to fully explain your answers).
Here's hoping that I "pass" the personality tests!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Mother's Day Banners
Yesterday was Mother's Day. In our church, we have a "Mother's Day" banner than has hung on the wall every mother's day for the past so many years (probably longer than I have been alive). Last year was my first Mother's Day at my church, and the banner caught me by surprise. This year, I was determined to get that banner taken down. Since Pentecost Sunday fell on Mother's Day, I got a new banner--one focused on the Holy Spirit and confirmation (which we were also celebrating this Sunday). I even made the banner myself. Actually, it was a kit that I bought from a church supply company. I had to put it together, though, and even broke my iron while permanently affixing the multiple pieces. So, I carried my finished project into church, thinking it the answer to my Mother's Day banner dilemma.
My problem is not with the Mother's Day banner itself; it is very pretty, very well-made. My problem is with what it says: "God couldn't be everywhere, so he created mothers". There is nothing I like about that statement...unless it just said, "God created mothers", because then it would be a true statement. As it stands, it is completely inaccurate. God IS everywhere, without limit or boundary. That is implicit in the very definition of Divinity: omnipresence. Also, it was not as if God was sitting in Heaven one day, thinking: "My schedule is just getting so full, I better get some help around here...wait, I know what I can do...make some mothers to help me out a bit". The whole idea is absolutely absurd. In addition to being all-knowing, all-powerful, and present everywhere, God is also not reactionary. God does not "paint Himself into a corner" and need to come up with a creative solution to get Himself out of a bind. God knows what He is doing, plans things out in advance, has purpose and order in all He does. God chose to create mothers because that was a good thing to do, because it was part of the original design of things...not because He got overworked with Plan A and needed to move on to Plan B. Anyway, I guess I am the theology police or something, but I cannot stand to advertise misleading thoughts about God, especially not on the sanctuary wall.
Early on Sunday morning, I tried to sneakily put up my newly created banner and take down the Mother's Day banner, but two women saw me, so I had to explain myself. Then one of them said, "Well, where can we put the Mother's Day banner now?" To which I felt the need to explain why I did not want the Mother's Day banner to be put anywhere beside the back closet. Theologically correct though I may be, I was insensitive about the situation, being that one of the women actually made the banner so many years ago. Realizing that fact (in the middle of my lecture on God's omnipresence and intentional design of the family unit), I tried to make it clear how pretty I thought the banner was, and how well put together it was (which it is)...but it was too late. I totally upset the banner's creator, which was not my intention. The people pleaser in me wanted to take it all back and just put the thing back up somewhere, in order to make peace. But, as I sat in my office before church, I reminded myself that I am the pastor and it is my job to think theologically about what we do and say as a Church. Plus, as much as I hated to upset someone that I really care about, I wasn't willing to make peace if it meant putting the banner back up (though, as I've already admitted, the idea of peace-keeping crossed my mind).
That all being said, I am glad that God created Mothers. God knows what He is doing and that was a good idea. Way to go, God!
My problem is not with the Mother's Day banner itself; it is very pretty, very well-made. My problem is with what it says: "God couldn't be everywhere, so he created mothers". There is nothing I like about that statement...unless it just said, "God created mothers", because then it would be a true statement. As it stands, it is completely inaccurate. God IS everywhere, without limit or boundary. That is implicit in the very definition of Divinity: omnipresence. Also, it was not as if God was sitting in Heaven one day, thinking: "My schedule is just getting so full, I better get some help around here...wait, I know what I can do...make some mothers to help me out a bit". The whole idea is absolutely absurd. In addition to being all-knowing, all-powerful, and present everywhere, God is also not reactionary. God does not "paint Himself into a corner" and need to come up with a creative solution to get Himself out of a bind. God knows what He is doing, plans things out in advance, has purpose and order in all He does. God chose to create mothers because that was a good thing to do, because it was part of the original design of things...not because He got overworked with Plan A and needed to move on to Plan B. Anyway, I guess I am the theology police or something, but I cannot stand to advertise misleading thoughts about God, especially not on the sanctuary wall.
Early on Sunday morning, I tried to sneakily put up my newly created banner and take down the Mother's Day banner, but two women saw me, so I had to explain myself. Then one of them said, "Well, where can we put the Mother's Day banner now?" To which I felt the need to explain why I did not want the Mother's Day banner to be put anywhere beside the back closet. Theologically correct though I may be, I was insensitive about the situation, being that one of the women actually made the banner so many years ago. Realizing that fact (in the middle of my lecture on God's omnipresence and intentional design of the family unit), I tried to make it clear how pretty I thought the banner was, and how well put together it was (which it is)...but it was too late. I totally upset the banner's creator, which was not my intention. The people pleaser in me wanted to take it all back and just put the thing back up somewhere, in order to make peace. But, as I sat in my office before church, I reminded myself that I am the pastor and it is my job to think theologically about what we do and say as a Church. Plus, as much as I hated to upset someone that I really care about, I wasn't willing to make peace if it meant putting the banner back up (though, as I've already admitted, the idea of peace-keeping crossed my mind).
That all being said, I am glad that God created Mothers. God knows what He is doing and that was a good idea. Way to go, God!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Be careful what you say...
I met another United Methodist pastor the other day, while attending the senior project of a friend of mine who attends Ohio Northern University. The unique thing about him was that he is actually younger than me. Young United Methodist clergy are a rarity, and I am generally the youngest pastor in the room by at least 20 years. It was kind of nice not the be the baby pastor!
He and I talked about ministry and issues relating to being a pastor. Then he said something to me about "those fundies down at Asbury" (fundies=fundamentalists). Fundamentalist is never a word used in a positive way, at least not in my experience. I kind of took offence to the idea that everyone who went to my seminary (Asbury) is a "fundie". So, I said, "Oh, you mean my Alma Mater", to which he got tongue-tied and started back-peddling a bit.
I don't blame him. I, myself, have been guilty of gross generalizations, prejudices, stereotypes. For instance, a couple years ago, while having lunch with a clergy woman that I really like and admire, I made a pretty awful comment about METHESCO (The Methodist Theological School of Ohio). METHESCO has a reputation for being a very liberal seminary, which my more conservative friends and I tend to make jokes about (not a great thing to admit, but it's true). Anyway, after I made some obnoxious METHESCO comment, my gracious friend informed me that she had graduated from METHESCO. I literally choked on the water that I had just tried to swallow. I felt about 2 inches tall. It made me think that I should be careful what I say...and careful when and how I say things.
Now that I have been on the receiving end of a stupid comment about my seminary (a place I happened to love, which irrevocably shaped the person and pastor that I am, for the better), it reminds me again to be careful what I say. It also behooves me to not make sweeping generalizations about any person or place. We should know better than that, as pastors. Yet, I know there are stereotypes about seminaries or groups that people choose to align themselves with...as pastors (and as people), we can be very divided in purpose because we are too busy putting others into tight-fitting little boxes (which we are most likely judging incorrectly).
John Wesley, founder of Methodism, speaks to this: "'If thine heart is as my heart," if thou lovest God and all mankind, I ask no more: "give me thine hand."'
2 Kings 10:15 "And when he was departed thence, he lighted on Jehonadab the son of Rechab coming to meet him, and he saluted him, and said to him, Is thine heart right, as my heart is with thy heart? And Jehonadab answered: It is. If it be, give me thine hand."
"If it be, give me thy hand." I do not mean, "Be of my opinion." You need not: I do not expect or desire it. Neither do I mean, "I will be of your opinion." I cannot, it does not depend on my choice: I can no more think, than I can see or hear, as I will. Keep you your opinion; I mine; and that as steadily as ever. You need not even endeavour to come over to me, or bring me over to you. I do not desire you to dispute those points, or to hear or speak one word concerning them. Let all opinions alone on one side and the other: only "give me thine hand." (from John Wesley's "Catholic Spirit")
He and I talked about ministry and issues relating to being a pastor. Then he said something to me about "those fundies down at Asbury" (fundies=fundamentalists). Fundamentalist is never a word used in a positive way, at least not in my experience. I kind of took offence to the idea that everyone who went to my seminary (Asbury) is a "fundie". So, I said, "Oh, you mean my Alma Mater", to which he got tongue-tied and started back-peddling a bit.
I don't blame him. I, myself, have been guilty of gross generalizations, prejudices, stereotypes. For instance, a couple years ago, while having lunch with a clergy woman that I really like and admire, I made a pretty awful comment about METHESCO (The Methodist Theological School of Ohio). METHESCO has a reputation for being a very liberal seminary, which my more conservative friends and I tend to make jokes about (not a great thing to admit, but it's true). Anyway, after I made some obnoxious METHESCO comment, my gracious friend informed me that she had graduated from METHESCO. I literally choked on the water that I had just tried to swallow. I felt about 2 inches tall. It made me think that I should be careful what I say...and careful when and how I say things.
Now that I have been on the receiving end of a stupid comment about my seminary (a place I happened to love, which irrevocably shaped the person and pastor that I am, for the better), it reminds me again to be careful what I say. It also behooves me to not make sweeping generalizations about any person or place. We should know better than that, as pastors. Yet, I know there are stereotypes about seminaries or groups that people choose to align themselves with...as pastors (and as people), we can be very divided in purpose because we are too busy putting others into tight-fitting little boxes (which we are most likely judging incorrectly).
John Wesley, founder of Methodism, speaks to this: "'If thine heart is as my heart," if thou lovest God and all mankind, I ask no more: "give me thine hand."'
2 Kings 10:15 "And when he was departed thence, he lighted on Jehonadab the son of Rechab coming to meet him, and he saluted him, and said to him, Is thine heart right, as my heart is with thy heart? And Jehonadab answered: It is. If it be, give me thine hand."
"If it be, give me thy hand." I do not mean, "Be of my opinion." You need not: I do not expect or desire it. Neither do I mean, "I will be of your opinion." I cannot, it does not depend on my choice: I can no more think, than I can see or hear, as I will. Keep you your opinion; I mine; and that as steadily as ever. You need not even endeavour to come over to me, or bring me over to you. I do not desire you to dispute those points, or to hear or speak one word concerning them. Let all opinions alone on one side and the other: only "give me thine hand." (from John Wesley's "Catholic Spirit")
Friday, May 9, 2008
General Conference Pictures
I only took two pictures (with my phone) while I was at General Conference. One picture (on the left) is of a giant star made of cowboy hats. I have never seen anything like it. Every time I walked by, I was amazed. Only Texans would make a giant star out of cowboy hats!!!!The other picture (on top) is of the General Conference floor, where all the main legislative sessions and worship services took place. They had several really trendy screens placed all around the area. It was very high-tech and really cool!
Amazing Youth
There is an amazing young woman from my church, named Abby. She is a senior in high school, president of the youth group, incredibly dedicated to God and committed to living out her faith...the kind of teenager that makes a pastor weep on Graduation Sunday, because you hate to see her go.
For her senior project, Abby planned, organized, and implemented a mission trip to help the still struggling victims of hurricane Katrina. The trip took place between Christmas and New Years. Abby talked about her trip at church one Sunday, complete with a power point presentation. The adults in our congregation were moved (and, dare I say, convicted) that someone so young felt compelled to do something that most adults have not done. I have talked with Abby about that sentiment (i.e. how inspired the people of our church have been by her example). She is surprised people think it is so amazing, saying "Isn't this what all Christians are supposed to do?" She thinks it more surprising that some Christians do nothing to make a difference in the world, on behalf of Christ. I spared her the lecture about the difference between what Christians are supposed to do and what they ACTUALLY do. She is still passionate enough to want to change the world for Christ, and I don't want the apathy of some Christians to ever be a deterrent to her faith.
Abby invited me to be a judge for her senior project presentation yesterday. Once again, she blew the audience away. I kept thinking, as I sat there: "We are in a secular high school and here she is quoting Scripture and talking about service as a necessary part of her faith"...and more impressive, people were AMAZED. They were not offended by her faith (she is the epitome of sweetness, so I doubt she has the ability to offend). They were impressed by her example of service and sacrifice, her heart for others and desire to make a difference in the world. I think that is the kind of faith we are called to live out--faith that speaks so powerfully through our actions that people stop and take notice. I am not sure what the other senior projects were, because I only stayed for Abby's presentation, but I got the feeling (from some of the different teachers' comments) that she was the only one to take on something so huge. I felt so proud of her as she presented: proud to be her pastor and proud to be a Christian.
As part of her presentation, Abby talked about different kind of mission opportunities around the world and why we do mission work. She shared about the 10/40 window (which is a latitude/longitude designation, marking the area of the world that is most populated and least evangelized--encompassing a lot of Asia and Africa). The statistic she quoted was that 95% of the people in this area have never heard the Gospel ("Gospel" meaning the life-changing message of Jesus Christ), which she announced she found very surprising. I guess, living in the US, where all you have to do is turn on the TV and see some scary televangelist yelling about Jesus, it is hard to imagine a place where people have never even heard Jesus' Name.
When the time for questions came, one of the teachers (or other guest judges, not really sure) asked Abby about the 10/40 window and sharing the Gospel. She specifically asked her what the difference was between sharing the Gospel and doing service (like what Abby and her team did on their mission trip). Ultimately, Abby answered that the two were inseparable. To her, you show and tell people about Jesus by serving them, finding opportunities to talk about your faith along the way. I was proud of her answer, proud she "gets it" that Jesus wants us to walk the walk, as well as talk the talk.
Abby's closing challenge to the audience (filled with at least 50 teenagers and a bunch of adults) was for us to find ways to serve others, right where we are. She challenged us to make a difference in our neighborhoods, communities, and the world. For me, it was one of the best sermons I've ever heard...and we were right there in the middle of a public high school.
For her senior project, Abby planned, organized, and implemented a mission trip to help the still struggling victims of hurricane Katrina. The trip took place between Christmas and New Years. Abby talked about her trip at church one Sunday, complete with a power point presentation. The adults in our congregation were moved (and, dare I say, convicted) that someone so young felt compelled to do something that most adults have not done. I have talked with Abby about that sentiment (i.e. how inspired the people of our church have been by her example). She is surprised people think it is so amazing, saying "Isn't this what all Christians are supposed to do?" She thinks it more surprising that some Christians do nothing to make a difference in the world, on behalf of Christ. I spared her the lecture about the difference between what Christians are supposed to do and what they ACTUALLY do. She is still passionate enough to want to change the world for Christ, and I don't want the apathy of some Christians to ever be a deterrent to her faith.
Abby invited me to be a judge for her senior project presentation yesterday. Once again, she blew the audience away. I kept thinking, as I sat there: "We are in a secular high school and here she is quoting Scripture and talking about service as a necessary part of her faith"...and more impressive, people were AMAZED. They were not offended by her faith (she is the epitome of sweetness, so I doubt she has the ability to offend). They were impressed by her example of service and sacrifice, her heart for others and desire to make a difference in the world. I think that is the kind of faith we are called to live out--faith that speaks so powerfully through our actions that people stop and take notice. I am not sure what the other senior projects were, because I only stayed for Abby's presentation, but I got the feeling (from some of the different teachers' comments) that she was the only one to take on something so huge. I felt so proud of her as she presented: proud to be her pastor and proud to be a Christian.
As part of her presentation, Abby talked about different kind of mission opportunities around the world and why we do mission work. She shared about the 10/40 window (which is a latitude/longitude designation, marking the area of the world that is most populated and least evangelized--encompassing a lot of Asia and Africa). The statistic she quoted was that 95% of the people in this area have never heard the Gospel ("Gospel" meaning the life-changing message of Jesus Christ), which she announced she found very surprising. I guess, living in the US, where all you have to do is turn on the TV and see some scary televangelist yelling about Jesus, it is hard to imagine a place where people have never even heard Jesus' Name.
When the time for questions came, one of the teachers (or other guest judges, not really sure) asked Abby about the 10/40 window and sharing the Gospel. She specifically asked her what the difference was between sharing the Gospel and doing service (like what Abby and her team did on their mission trip). Ultimately, Abby answered that the two were inseparable. To her, you show and tell people about Jesus by serving them, finding opportunities to talk about your faith along the way. I was proud of her answer, proud she "gets it" that Jesus wants us to walk the walk, as well as talk the talk.
Abby's closing challenge to the audience (filled with at least 50 teenagers and a bunch of adults) was for us to find ways to serve others, right where we are. She challenged us to make a difference in our neighborhoods, communities, and the world. For me, it was one of the best sermons I've ever heard...and we were right there in the middle of a public high school.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Traffic Annoyances
I had a long drive today, to and from my monthly clergy cluster meeting. While in transit, I noticed something that really peeves me: bad drivers...let me clarify, drivers who think where they have to be is more important than where anyone else may need to be.
On three separate occasions today, I saw drivers get into the wrong lane, realize they needed to be somewhere else, and then hold up traffic until the coast was clear for them to get back where they wanted to be...making everyone behind them wait because of their mistake. All of these occasions were in town, at busy intersections, where there are no extra lanes to get around someone and traffic is extra congested (leading to possible accidents when people do stupid things).
Now, you might think I am being ungracious, and perhaps I am. I am just of the mindset that when you make a mistake (i.e. get into the wrong lane), you should not inconvenience others in your attempt to rectify the situation. That would mean, in this particular example of traffic, don't let your car block two to three lanes of traffic while you wait to get into the lane you actually wanted. Proceed in the lane you find yourself in and turn around or take another street in order to get back to where you wanted to be. That would probably take the same amount of time, but it would not inconvenience everyone behind you. If I ruled the world, that would be the law! (but I am by no means applying for THAT job!)
At base, the thing that really bothers me is selfishness: doing what you want to do and not thinking about the people around you or how your actions are affecting them. It probably bothers me because I see selfishness rear its ugly head in my heart from time to time (probably more often than I dare admit), and I hate it. We tend to dislike vehemently in others the things we most dislike in ourselves, or so I've read (and experienced). I want so badly to love and serve Christ by serving and loving others...but there is this ME that gets in the way of that sometimes. This ME demands attention, approval, the right to be right in all things...it's not the prettiest part of this creature that God has called "good". I only confess this openly on my blog because I know I am not alone in the struggle. Jesus says "dying to self" is a necessary part of following Him...not an easy part, but a necessary one. I wish there were a pill you could take to simply make that happen. Instead, it is like a daily wrestling with the disparity between who you are and who you are called to become.
A more selfless person than me would probably be moved to pray for the rude, traffic blocking people, knowing that they are in need of God's grace...instead of just getting annoyed like I did today. Perhaps, next time I see someone doing something incredibly selfish, I will pray that God forgives me for all the selfish things I do without even being aware of it (and for the selfish things I do that I am completely aware of, as well). Oh, to love God and others more perfectly...
On three separate occasions today, I saw drivers get into the wrong lane, realize they needed to be somewhere else, and then hold up traffic until the coast was clear for them to get back where they wanted to be...making everyone behind them wait because of their mistake. All of these occasions were in town, at busy intersections, where there are no extra lanes to get around someone and traffic is extra congested (leading to possible accidents when people do stupid things).
Now, you might think I am being ungracious, and perhaps I am. I am just of the mindset that when you make a mistake (i.e. get into the wrong lane), you should not inconvenience others in your attempt to rectify the situation. That would mean, in this particular example of traffic, don't let your car block two to three lanes of traffic while you wait to get into the lane you actually wanted. Proceed in the lane you find yourself in and turn around or take another street in order to get back to where you wanted to be. That would probably take the same amount of time, but it would not inconvenience everyone behind you. If I ruled the world, that would be the law! (but I am by no means applying for THAT job!)
At base, the thing that really bothers me is selfishness: doing what you want to do and not thinking about the people around you or how your actions are affecting them. It probably bothers me because I see selfishness rear its ugly head in my heart from time to time (probably more often than I dare admit), and I hate it. We tend to dislike vehemently in others the things we most dislike in ourselves, or so I've read (and experienced). I want so badly to love and serve Christ by serving and loving others...but there is this ME that gets in the way of that sometimes. This ME demands attention, approval, the right to be right in all things...it's not the prettiest part of this creature that God has called "good". I only confess this openly on my blog because I know I am not alone in the struggle. Jesus says "dying to self" is a necessary part of following Him...not an easy part, but a necessary one. I wish there were a pill you could take to simply make that happen. Instead, it is like a daily wrestling with the disparity between who you are and who you are called to become.
A more selfless person than me would probably be moved to pray for the rude, traffic blocking people, knowing that they are in need of God's grace...instead of just getting annoyed like I did today. Perhaps, next time I see someone doing something incredibly selfish, I will pray that God forgives me for all the selfish things I do without even being aware of it (and for the selfish things I do that I am completely aware of, as well). Oh, to love God and others more perfectly...
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Jessica is way better than Taco Bueno!
I was remiss in mentioning an important part of my trip to General Conference: getting to spend time with my best friend, Jessica. She commented on my General Conference post from earlier this week, wondering why I mentioned Taco Bueno and not her. Seriously, the refried beans from Taco Bueno are out of this world, but she is even better. If this post works correctly, you shoud be able to see our picture to the left (aren't we cute?). We are proudly holding up our "page badges"--the symbol of complete and ultimate power (not really, but it did allow me to get up close to many United Methodist bishops, and more importantly, to the Rev. Adam Hamilton, who is like a rock star in Methodist circles; I delivered a note to him; he didn't look up because he was sending a text message, but I did almost touch him). But, I digress...
Jessica and I were roommates in seminary. We met in choir (the "Singing Seminarians"; yes, that is the real name). We were both crying one day during rehearsal, over certain men in our lives, and it created an instant bond between us (do you like how I share our deep emotional pain on the blog, Jes?!). While I have been blessed with many close and wonderful friends in my life, Jes has been the closest, making me understand the Bible verse: "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24) Jessica has been such a friend to me...and again, that is not to diminish the other great friendships in my life. This friendship is just different...making her the person that I want to talk to first whenever something significant happens, for good or for bad (ok, after I talk to my mom, that is...because as crazy as my mom makes me sometimes--you know I love you, Corky!--I am still a momma's girl at heart).
I met a fellow page at General Conference named Tim. Turns out he and I went to the same seminary, but at different times. We talked about our seminary days and what God had done in our lives there. He told me about his best friend from seminary, and I told him about Jes. I also told him that hands down, my friendship with her was the best thing I got from seminary (not that my $50,000 degree wasn't special or anything); he said the same about his friend. It made me wonder, since being a pastor is so hard (heck, since life is so hard), if God doesn't step in and give you a gift: the gift of a soul connection with another person who will be there for you throughout all the stages of life and ministry. There are days when I feel very alone in the world, but Jes is always there...a very tangible way for me to know and remember that God is real and He loves me.
One of my favorite names for the Holy Spirit is the word "Paraclete", which means "the One who comes alongside". I think that is a good description of my friend, Jes, as well...she's a mini-paraclete: one who knows me--the good, the bad, and the ugly--and loves me anyway.
One mark of a great friendship is that you feel loved and supported, but that is not the whole of friendship. Another significant aspect of friendship, at least in my eyes, is someone that helps you become the best version of yourself. Through my friendship with Jessica, I have found healing from God and learned how to accept the parts of myself that bother me the most. I have learned more about God's unconditional love through her example. I have learned that it is safe to open up your heart and soul to someone--that you don't have to be perfect to be accepted (being a perfectionist, that was a hard lesson to learn). I still have this secret fear she will someday realize that I am really not as great as she seems to think I am, but that has more to do with my insecurities than it does with the depth of her character or the nature of our friendship. Sometimes I am still in awe that someone so amazing is actually my best friend.
Living in different states, being busy pastors, having multiple life and family commitments, all make it difficult to spend much time together. So, I am grateful for General Conference, because it gave me time to spend with my dearest friend...and my soul is in a much better place because of that. Friendship is a means of grace, a way of encountering God. Thank you, Jes, for always being a conduit of God's love and grace in my life. Hanging out with you was better than Taco Bueno or even the multiple Adam Hamilton sightings.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Cyclone in Myanmar
I just read the following news brief on facebook.com:
"Nearly 4,000 people were killed Saturday by a devastating cyclone that smashed into Myanmar and officials fear its toll could go as high as 10,000. The death toll is likely to climb sharply because government officials say the storm hit with such force that 3,000 people from a single town cannot be found. Foreign Minister Nyan Win told foreign diplomats during a briefing that the death toll could reach 10,000, according to diplomats who spoke on condition of anonymity because the meeting was held behind closed doors. It was already a dramatic increase in the toll, which had been set at 351. 'The confirmed number is 3,934 dead, 41 injured and 2,879 missing within the Yangon and Irrawaddy divisions,' MRTV reported as aid agencies said hundreds of thousands of people were without shelter and drinking water."
Having actually been to Myanmar (ok, really, I just stood on the border and looked in because I didn't have a visa...but I kinda stuck my toe over the line, so I count that as a visit!), my heart breaks for the people there. They certainly need our prayers.
I find it interesting that, even though I have watched several news programs in the past two days, I've heard nothing about this before tonight. It seems significant enough for at least a little news coverage, or so you'd think. This reminds me of when I went to Venezuela in 2000, just after a huge flood. It was estimated that over 100,000 people were killed in that flood, yet it was barely a blip on the radar screen of our newscasts. I love the United States and all, but it would really be nice to if our media could take more notice of the rest of the world.
And that is my soapbox for tonight...
"Nearly 4,000 people were killed Saturday by a devastating cyclone that smashed into Myanmar and officials fear its toll could go as high as 10,000. The death toll is likely to climb sharply because government officials say the storm hit with such force that 3,000 people from a single town cannot be found. Foreign Minister Nyan Win told foreign diplomats during a briefing that the death toll could reach 10,000, according to diplomats who spoke on condition of anonymity because the meeting was held behind closed doors. It was already a dramatic increase in the toll, which had been set at 351. 'The confirmed number is 3,934 dead, 41 injured and 2,879 missing within the Yangon and Irrawaddy divisions,' MRTV reported as aid agencies said hundreds of thousands of people were without shelter and drinking water."
Having actually been to Myanmar (ok, really, I just stood on the border and looked in because I didn't have a visa...but I kinda stuck my toe over the line, so I count that as a visit!), my heart breaks for the people there. They certainly need our prayers.
I find it interesting that, even though I have watched several news programs in the past two days, I've heard nothing about this before tonight. It seems significant enough for at least a little news coverage, or so you'd think. This reminds me of when I went to Venezuela in 2000, just after a huge flood. It was estimated that over 100,000 people were killed in that flood, yet it was barely a blip on the radar screen of our newscasts. I love the United States and all, but it would really be nice to if our media could take more notice of the rest of the world.
And that is my soapbox for tonight...
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Confirmation Interviews
I interviewed a bunch of teenagers today, asking them questions about their faith...17 teenagers, to be exact. It was a long day!
Confirmation is the chance for teens to stand up and proclaim, in front of their church family, that they want to follow Jesus and serve Him with their lives. We have had confirmation classes all school year long on Sunday afternoons. I love those kids, but have to admit I am glad it is coming to an end. With 11 junior high boys and 6 junior high girls, it was more than a little crazy most days.
Knowing they had interviews today (to see if they really understand what confirmation is and discuss if they are ready to make that kind of committment), the kids were in rare form. My "class clown" came up to me before church this morning and said, "Pastor Tina, you look very pretty today". I said, "Are you trying to kiss up to me so you pass your confirmation interview?" He hung his head, mumbled "yes" under his breath, and walked away. They underestimate how smart I really am! ha ha ha!
The funniest thing about today was how nervous most of the kids were. They talked really fast, had trouble making eye contact, and answered with shaky voices. I struggled not to giggle. It isn't that I like to torture teens, it's just that I'm the least intimidating person alive. The kids know that. I taught their class for a year and they walked all over me (I have many gifts, but I am not the world's greatest disciplinarian, admittedly). The problem: They know I am funny--never let them see your sense of humor. I heard Joy Behar, from THE VIEW, talk about being a teacher in the public school system. Even though she is a comedian, she said she was never funny in the classroom because "the minute they know you are funny, you've lost control". I am living proof of that theory!
I wanted to meet with the kids individually and talk through the questions they are going to answer during the confirmation service, so they know what they are vowing to God. I'm a big proponent of only making vows to God that you: a) understand and b) actually plan to keep. Most of the kids are taking this really seriously, which makes me happy. That could be because I have talked about how serious this step is, over and over again, all year. Poor kids! No wonder they were scared.
I am not sure who came up with the baptismal questions in the United Methodist Hymnal, but I am thinking it is some old man that has never spoken with a teenager (or, for that matter, any normal person on the face of the earth). Let me give an example from the very first question they will be asked next Sunday, during the confirmation service: "Do you renounce the spiritual forces of wickedness, reject the evil powers of this world, and repent of your sin?" I went to seminary for four years and I have no idea what that means!!! I jest. I do know what it means, but wonder how any 8th grader is ever going to understand that? I now know all the questions by heart after discussing them one by one, 17 different times today. Of course, all the kids looked at me like I was on drugs when I asked them what the questions meant. I want to re-write all our liturgies in words and phrases that normal people can understand. You should not have to be in Mensa in order to join the church...call me crazy, but that's how I feel about it.
The best part of these interviews was getting to hear how excited these kids really are about their faith. They all want to get closer to God. When I asked why they wanted to be confirmed, most of them said: "To get closer to God". So, I followed with the question, "How will being confirmed help you be closer to God?" The answers were a little sketchy on that one, but they were trying...and they really do seem to want to know God better, which I think pleases God. God is always pleased when we desire more of Him.
The highlight of today was praying with two of my kids as they accepted Christ as their Savior for the first time. Days like today make up for all the stinky days...like when I have to plunge the toilet at church or photocopy newsletters or attend endless committee meetings. Some days, it's kind of a nice thing to be a pastor...even when you scare teenagers!
Confirmation is the chance for teens to stand up and proclaim, in front of their church family, that they want to follow Jesus and serve Him with their lives. We have had confirmation classes all school year long on Sunday afternoons. I love those kids, but have to admit I am glad it is coming to an end. With 11 junior high boys and 6 junior high girls, it was more than a little crazy most days.
Knowing they had interviews today (to see if they really understand what confirmation is and discuss if they are ready to make that kind of committment), the kids were in rare form. My "class clown" came up to me before church this morning and said, "Pastor Tina, you look very pretty today". I said, "Are you trying to kiss up to me so you pass your confirmation interview?" He hung his head, mumbled "yes" under his breath, and walked away. They underestimate how smart I really am! ha ha ha!
The funniest thing about today was how nervous most of the kids were. They talked really fast, had trouble making eye contact, and answered with shaky voices. I struggled not to giggle. It isn't that I like to torture teens, it's just that I'm the least intimidating person alive. The kids know that. I taught their class for a year and they walked all over me (I have many gifts, but I am not the world's greatest disciplinarian, admittedly). The problem: They know I am funny--never let them see your sense of humor. I heard Joy Behar, from THE VIEW, talk about being a teacher in the public school system. Even though she is a comedian, she said she was never funny in the classroom because "the minute they know you are funny, you've lost control". I am living proof of that theory!
I wanted to meet with the kids individually and talk through the questions they are going to answer during the confirmation service, so they know what they are vowing to God. I'm a big proponent of only making vows to God that you: a) understand and b) actually plan to keep. Most of the kids are taking this really seriously, which makes me happy. That could be because I have talked about how serious this step is, over and over again, all year. Poor kids! No wonder they were scared.
I am not sure who came up with the baptismal questions in the United Methodist Hymnal, but I am thinking it is some old man that has never spoken with a teenager (or, for that matter, any normal person on the face of the earth). Let me give an example from the very first question they will be asked next Sunday, during the confirmation service: "Do you renounce the spiritual forces of wickedness, reject the evil powers of this world, and repent of your sin?" I went to seminary for four years and I have no idea what that means!!! I jest. I do know what it means, but wonder how any 8th grader is ever going to understand that? I now know all the questions by heart after discussing them one by one, 17 different times today. Of course, all the kids looked at me like I was on drugs when I asked them what the questions meant. I want to re-write all our liturgies in words and phrases that normal people can understand. You should not have to be in Mensa in order to join the church...call me crazy, but that's how I feel about it.
The best part of these interviews was getting to hear how excited these kids really are about their faith. They all want to get closer to God. When I asked why they wanted to be confirmed, most of them said: "To get closer to God". So, I followed with the question, "How will being confirmed help you be closer to God?" The answers were a little sketchy on that one, but they were trying...and they really do seem to want to know God better, which I think pleases God. God is always pleased when we desire more of Him.
The highlight of today was praying with two of my kids as they accepted Christ as their Savior for the first time. Days like today make up for all the stinky days...like when I have to plunge the toilet at church or photocopy newsletters or attend endless committee meetings. Some days, it's kind of a nice thing to be a pastor...even when you scare teenagers!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Airplanes
I flew home from Dallas/Ft. Worth tonight, in what looked like a pretty large airplane. For such a large plane, you would think the seat space would be roomier. I guess the actual seat is OK, but the leg room???? I am 6 feet tall. On an airplane, I become an instant sardine. Seriously, who can sit in those seats and be comfortable? Midgets? (I know it is not politically correct to say "midgets", but I am tired from being squished on an airplane and have lost all sense of propriety...plus I just like that word: midgets...say it to yourself a few times; it's a great word).
Those experienced fliers among you will tell me that I should sit in the emergency exit row and thus have more leg room. The problem with that idea is that every tall person in the world has the same plan. It would be easier to win the lottery than get one of those seats. To make matters worse, short people steal those seats. Seriously, people who don't have to ride for hours with their knees in their nose take the only seats on the plane where you can actually stretch out your legs. I know that Jesus loves these short people, but I want to steal their puke bags and pray for turbulence.
Not only is there no leg room on the plane, some braniac (probably a short person) decided to make seats that recline. So, picture a really tall person with her knees jammed into the seat in front of her when, suddenly, the man in front appears in her lap. I'm not exaggerating. I could have rested my complimentary beverage on his head.
Tonight's ride, however, was not the most uncomfortable of my life. That award would go to a 4-hour flight from Frankfurt to Moscow...where I had the window seat, in a row filled with people all well over 6 feet tall. I don't think any of the three of us in that row could move the smallest muscle for the entire flight. It sucked raw eggs. Comparatively speaking, tonight wasn't so bad.
I am forever in awe of how many miles one can travel in a matter of hours via a plane. Though they may be uncomfortable, I am grateful for them...and grateful to be home. There is no place like home (corny but true).
Those experienced fliers among you will tell me that I should sit in the emergency exit row and thus have more leg room. The problem with that idea is that every tall person in the world has the same plan. It would be easier to win the lottery than get one of those seats. To make matters worse, short people steal those seats. Seriously, people who don't have to ride for hours with their knees in their nose take the only seats on the plane where you can actually stretch out your legs. I know that Jesus loves these short people, but I want to steal their puke bags and pray for turbulence.
Not only is there no leg room on the plane, some braniac (probably a short person) decided to make seats that recline. So, picture a really tall person with her knees jammed into the seat in front of her when, suddenly, the man in front appears in her lap. I'm not exaggerating. I could have rested my complimentary beverage on his head.
Tonight's ride, however, was not the most uncomfortable of my life. That award would go to a 4-hour flight from Frankfurt to Moscow...where I had the window seat, in a row filled with people all well over 6 feet tall. I don't think any of the three of us in that row could move the smallest muscle for the entire flight. It sucked raw eggs. Comparatively speaking, tonight wasn't so bad.
I am forever in awe of how many miles one can travel in a matter of hours via a plane. Though they may be uncomfortable, I am grateful for them...and grateful to be home. There is no place like home (corny but true).
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Tales from General Conference
I apologize for the blogging silence. I had surgery in February and spent time recovering from that, then making up for time that I was out from work, and simply re-adjusting to normal life again. That has taken up the bulk of my time. Have no fear, faithful blog readers, all is well; I am healthier than ever and hopefully back in the swing of blogging.
This week finds me at General Conference in Ft. Worth, TX. Every four years the United Methodist Church meets as a global church, to redefine who we are and how we are to live out our faith together. I am serving as a page, which means "one who walks all over the place handing out notes"--and other duties as assigned. I am averaging about 6 miles a day on the pedometer. So I get to exercise and be a Methodist nerd. What more could a person want?
It has been an adventure to be at Conference. I am seeing things in action that I've only read about. My UM Polity class (i.e. boring class all about the United Methodist Book of Discipline) did not do this process justice. It is fascinating to watch our process in action (very similiar to the American governmenal system) and to literally witness history in the making. I love seeing all the delegates from all over the world: all of us, together, one Lord, one Church. It is a beautiful thing.
General Conference is also incredibly frustrating. We have this concept in Methodism of everyone having the right to an opinion...everyone is represented. That is a wonderful thing when it works well, and irritating when fallen human nature (rather than grace) prevails. As always, there seem to be people who just like to hear themselves speak into microphones (which is my biggest pet peeve about Annual Confernce, our yearly regional meeting every summer).
The biggest frustration of General Conference, for me, has to do with the issue of homosexuality--and our ENDLESS discussion of it. Certainly, there are theological issues that need to be discussed. I believe and understand that. However, we as Methodists are completely fixated on one thing: homosexuality. That's not totally fair; we do discuss other things, but somehow it always seems to come back to homosexuality. I will lay down my cards on this issue. I am a conservative in regard to homosexuality. I feel like I have heard every possible argument against my position and nothing has really seemed compelling enough to change my mind yet. I think a person on the other side of the argument would probably say the same thing. We keep saying the same things to each other, over and again, only making everyone upset with each other, and distracting us from more important things, like, um...making disciples for Jesus Christ.
The reason I became a pastor is because I wanted to change the world for Christ. I wanted to see people transformed, until they became just like Jesus...living out His mission and His love in this world. I still think that is what Christianity (and the Church) is all about...at least what it SHOULD be all about. Yet, we focus on peripheral things as if they were the main things, and miss the point of the Church entirely.
The goal of my life is to love Jesus more, to love His people better, to make a difference in the world...somehow doing my part to bring His Kindgom right here to this little sphere of world that I inhabit. I wish that were our focus as a Church...both globally and individually. Too often, we are focused on everything but Jesus. It happens to me as an individual. I get my eyes focused on the wrong things, the lesser things. It happens in the local church, as we fight and bicker and gossip and focus on things that really don't matter a whole lot, at least not when it comes to furthering the Kingdom of God. It certainly happens at a global meeting like this; we are distracted from the central purpose of life: loving and glorifying God.
Does that mean nothing good has happened at General Conference? Lots of good has occurred: holy conferencing, redirection of focus, important legislation, relationships formed and strengthened, etc. Many good things. I have hope for the Church of Jesus Christ. God has not abandoned us yet, nor do I expect that He will abandon us in the future. It is just that when you gather a bunch of people together they act like, well, people...flawed and beautiful, profound and profaine, dull and inspired...we are a strange mixture of dirt and grace. Thank God for His continued patience and love.
I would also like to take this moment to thank God for Taco Bueno, a reason that I will be sad to leave Texas tomorrow. They have the best refried beans in the world...the world, I say!!!!
This week finds me at General Conference in Ft. Worth, TX. Every four years the United Methodist Church meets as a global church, to redefine who we are and how we are to live out our faith together. I am serving as a page, which means "one who walks all over the place handing out notes"--and other duties as assigned. I am averaging about 6 miles a day on the pedometer. So I get to exercise and be a Methodist nerd. What more could a person want?
It has been an adventure to be at Conference. I am seeing things in action that I've only read about. My UM Polity class (i.e. boring class all about the United Methodist Book of Discipline) did not do this process justice. It is fascinating to watch our process in action (very similiar to the American governmenal system) and to literally witness history in the making. I love seeing all the delegates from all over the world: all of us, together, one Lord, one Church. It is a beautiful thing.
General Conference is also incredibly frustrating. We have this concept in Methodism of everyone having the right to an opinion...everyone is represented. That is a wonderful thing when it works well, and irritating when fallen human nature (rather than grace) prevails. As always, there seem to be people who just like to hear themselves speak into microphones (which is my biggest pet peeve about Annual Confernce, our yearly regional meeting every summer).
The biggest frustration of General Conference, for me, has to do with the issue of homosexuality--and our ENDLESS discussion of it. Certainly, there are theological issues that need to be discussed. I believe and understand that. However, we as Methodists are completely fixated on one thing: homosexuality. That's not totally fair; we do discuss other things, but somehow it always seems to come back to homosexuality. I will lay down my cards on this issue. I am a conservative in regard to homosexuality. I feel like I have heard every possible argument against my position and nothing has really seemed compelling enough to change my mind yet. I think a person on the other side of the argument would probably say the same thing. We keep saying the same things to each other, over and again, only making everyone upset with each other, and distracting us from more important things, like, um...making disciples for Jesus Christ.
The reason I became a pastor is because I wanted to change the world for Christ. I wanted to see people transformed, until they became just like Jesus...living out His mission and His love in this world. I still think that is what Christianity (and the Church) is all about...at least what it SHOULD be all about. Yet, we focus on peripheral things as if they were the main things, and miss the point of the Church entirely.
The goal of my life is to love Jesus more, to love His people better, to make a difference in the world...somehow doing my part to bring His Kindgom right here to this little sphere of world that I inhabit. I wish that were our focus as a Church...both globally and individually. Too often, we are focused on everything but Jesus. It happens to me as an individual. I get my eyes focused on the wrong things, the lesser things. It happens in the local church, as we fight and bicker and gossip and focus on things that really don't matter a whole lot, at least not when it comes to furthering the Kingdom of God. It certainly happens at a global meeting like this; we are distracted from the central purpose of life: loving and glorifying God.
Does that mean nothing good has happened at General Conference? Lots of good has occurred: holy conferencing, redirection of focus, important legislation, relationships formed and strengthened, etc. Many good things. I have hope for the Church of Jesus Christ. God has not abandoned us yet, nor do I expect that He will abandon us in the future. It is just that when you gather a bunch of people together they act like, well, people...flawed and beautiful, profound and profaine, dull and inspired...we are a strange mixture of dirt and grace. Thank God for His continued patience and love.
I would also like to take this moment to thank God for Taco Bueno, a reason that I will be sad to leave Texas tomorrow. They have the best refried beans in the world...the world, I say!!!!
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