Today, I went to a clergy appreciation lunch. It was given by one of the funeral homes in town, to thank the pastors for their service to the community. The lunch was at a really nice Italian restaurant, where I had manicotti that rocked my world (and even have leftovers in the fridge).
At this meal, they had amazing, mouth-watering desserts. I cannot eat desserts. If I eat sugar, I literally feel like I am about to die, within a few minutes of ingestion. Since I'm not a fan of near-death experiences, I avoid sugar like the plague. But I have developed a strange habit. I now like to smell other people's desserts. I know, I'm strange. Somehow, if I can just smell it, not eating it doesn't seem like such a sacrifice. I had to hold myself back from asking the pastor next to me if I could smell his pecan pie. My fear of being known as that "crazy Methodist pastor who sniffs desserts" overrode my desire for inhalation. Sometimes, I can be downright well-behaved (don't tell anyone).
In addition to feeding us, the friendly funeral home people also gave us each a gift: a $20 gift card to Kroger's. I was shocked. I thought that the lunch was more than extravagant...especially considering it is part of our job description, as pastors, to do funerals. It was rather unexpected to be given a gift, just for doing my job. And since Kroger sells gas, I might actually get a couple gallons of free gas out of that $20 gift card, which excites me.
Today made me realize that it is nice to be appreciated, to get a pat on the back every once in a while. It made me remember how important it is to say 'thank you' and to let people know that they matter, even if they are just doing their jobs. I usually try to be extra polite to people who serve me (wait staff, clerks, pedicurists, etc.), making sure they know they are appreciated--but sometimes I forget (or am so busy talking that I don't say "thank you" when someone refills my water). I feel inspired, after today, to be on the look out for more ways to encourage others, to thank them for what they do. It means more than we realize. With all the negative things in life, in this world, maybe we could all try a little harder to pass on some positive encouragement, some appreciation.
With that in mind, I want you to know how much I appreciate you, my faithful blog readers. It is so much fun to write something and know that there are people who actually read it...in fact, people who come here regularly just to see what I have to say. That means a lot! This blog is made possible by readers like you (I totally stole that from PBS).
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Feet and Service
While running some errands today, I decided to get a pedicure. I had an hour to kill before a meeting and walked past a nail place (conveniently located inside Wal-Mart). Looking down at my feet, which certainly needed some TLC, I decided to give it a try. I have had a pedicure before, but it has been a while (probably 2 years or so).
The woman who did my pedicure was a tiny Asian woman. I swear that my feet alone were almost as big as she was (she was really tiny, and my feet are really big).
I sat in a big massage chair with a foot-soaking tub attached. The massage part of the chair made me feel motion-sick, so I turned that off, but I could get used to that foot-soaking apparatus. I am trying to figure out a way to hook one up to my favorite chair at home.
The woman commented that I had beautiful skin, as she massaged my feet and the lower part of my legs. This, of course, seemed incredibly awkward. In any other context, it might seem like she was hitting on me, but I am pretty certain she was just making conversation. I find it incredibly amusing when people comment on my skin, which occasionally happens. I guess some people think the vampire look is attractive. When you have skin so pale that people can see your veins and organs through it, "beautiful" is not the word that comes to mind. Truly, I look like I need a blood transfusion, but I just thanked her for her kindness and did not enlighten her with the fact that I think I look like the living dead.
Sitting in that massage chair, I was pretty high up in the air, while this woman sat on a little bench at my feet. That felt extremely awkward to me, like I was up on a throne while she sat beneath me, serving me...as if I were in a superior position and she were somehow, lower. I did not like it. Couldn't my chair be a little lower and hers a little higher? It made me feel pretentious.
Generally, I think feet are disgusting (even my own). I used to clip my grandpa's toenails for him. They were thick and crooked, and it was more like sawing than cutting. I did it, though, because he could not see or reach well enough to do it himself. I did it because I loved him deeply. All the while, it turned my stomach. But I think that is the nature of sacrificial love: doing things that make you want to vomit (or are in some way unpleasant) because you love someone and it needs to be done. To me, the idea of touching peoples' feet for a living would be an unthinkable task. This woman did not seem to mind. She did her job thoroughly and well...and even gave me advice on foot care (for example, you are supposed to cut your toenails in a straight line...who knew? How I do that with the nail clippers I own is a mystery, but I will at least attempt it next time).
I know this sounds totally corny (no pun intended), but I thought about Jesus at the Last Supper as she pampered my feet today. It was difficult enough to have someone I did not know touching my feet...but to imagine it being Jesus, my Lord and Ruler, bending down to serve me. No wonder Peter put up such a fuss! It is a difficult thing to be served--to sit back and let someone lavish you with attention, with love.
I have always been amazed at the foot washing scene in the Gospels. I mean, it was Jesus' last night on earth, His last time with His disciples. This was His final chance to reinforce any message that He really wanted the disciples to get. And what does He do? He gets down on His hands and knees and washes feet...teaching them that serving others is what it is all about. For Jesus, there is nothing more important than lowering yourself and serving. Maybe sometimes, we serve others by letting them serve us. But most times, it means taking ourselves out of center place and letting someone else have the priority position and focus.
Picturing that woman at my feet today gives me a visual of how I want to live my life: bending down to take care of others, to show them what Christ is like, to take myself out of the spotlight and give, radically and fully. One of my favorite verses is from John 3:30, where John the Baptist speaks of Jesus, saying: "He must become greater, I must become less". Maybe He becomes greater as we become less in relation to others. Maybe Jesus becomes greater as we get on our knees and serve.
The woman who did my pedicure was a tiny Asian woman. I swear that my feet alone were almost as big as she was (she was really tiny, and my feet are really big).
I sat in a big massage chair with a foot-soaking tub attached. The massage part of the chair made me feel motion-sick, so I turned that off, but I could get used to that foot-soaking apparatus. I am trying to figure out a way to hook one up to my favorite chair at home.
The woman commented that I had beautiful skin, as she massaged my feet and the lower part of my legs. This, of course, seemed incredibly awkward. In any other context, it might seem like she was hitting on me, but I am pretty certain she was just making conversation. I find it incredibly amusing when people comment on my skin, which occasionally happens. I guess some people think the vampire look is attractive. When you have skin so pale that people can see your veins and organs through it, "beautiful" is not the word that comes to mind. Truly, I look like I need a blood transfusion, but I just thanked her for her kindness and did not enlighten her with the fact that I think I look like the living dead.
Sitting in that massage chair, I was pretty high up in the air, while this woman sat on a little bench at my feet. That felt extremely awkward to me, like I was up on a throne while she sat beneath me, serving me...as if I were in a superior position and she were somehow, lower. I did not like it. Couldn't my chair be a little lower and hers a little higher? It made me feel pretentious.
Generally, I think feet are disgusting (even my own). I used to clip my grandpa's toenails for him. They were thick and crooked, and it was more like sawing than cutting. I did it, though, because he could not see or reach well enough to do it himself. I did it because I loved him deeply. All the while, it turned my stomach. But I think that is the nature of sacrificial love: doing things that make you want to vomit (or are in some way unpleasant) because you love someone and it needs to be done. To me, the idea of touching peoples' feet for a living would be an unthinkable task. This woman did not seem to mind. She did her job thoroughly and well...and even gave me advice on foot care (for example, you are supposed to cut your toenails in a straight line...who knew? How I do that with the nail clippers I own is a mystery, but I will at least attempt it next time).
I know this sounds totally corny (no pun intended), but I thought about Jesus at the Last Supper as she pampered my feet today. It was difficult enough to have someone I did not know touching my feet...but to imagine it being Jesus, my Lord and Ruler, bending down to serve me. No wonder Peter put up such a fuss! It is a difficult thing to be served--to sit back and let someone lavish you with attention, with love.
I have always been amazed at the foot washing scene in the Gospels. I mean, it was Jesus' last night on earth, His last time with His disciples. This was His final chance to reinforce any message that He really wanted the disciples to get. And what does He do? He gets down on His hands and knees and washes feet...teaching them that serving others is what it is all about. For Jesus, there is nothing more important than lowering yourself and serving. Maybe sometimes, we serve others by letting them serve us. But most times, it means taking ourselves out of center place and letting someone else have the priority position and focus.
Picturing that woman at my feet today gives me a visual of how I want to live my life: bending down to take care of others, to show them what Christ is like, to take myself out of the spotlight and give, radically and fully. One of my favorite verses is from John 3:30, where John the Baptist speaks of Jesus, saying: "He must become greater, I must become less". Maybe He becomes greater as we become less in relation to others. Maybe Jesus becomes greater as we get on our knees and serve.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Finding God's Will
I read a book this weekend, but I'm not going to tell you the name or the author. It is kind of embarrassing, since it was a Christian fiction romance kind of a book--probably geared to someone in the college age range more than someone with "one foot and three toes in the grave" (to quote one of my former youth group members as he remarked on my age).
Yeah, I pretty much had a weak moment and bought a book that did absolutely nothing to further my intelligence. My Grandpa Dietsch is shaking his finger at me from the Great Beyond even now. He would always take me to bookstores and buy me anything I wanted, provided it challenged me mentally. Fiction was generally a no-no, unless it was some great work of literature, like Shakespeare. Because of that constant reinforcement in my childhood (since books are my addiction and my Grandpa was my supplier!), I feel internally guilty whenever I read popular fiction. I do it on occasion, despite the guilt.
Anyway, because it was Christian fiction, the author felt the need to infuse it with pearls of faith-based wisdom. Actually, some of it was rather insightful. Something that made me think was her discussion of God's will. She wrote about something called "Hot on His Heels Theology" The meaning of this: in order to know what God's will is for our lives, we need to stay so close to Him that we can actually hear what He tells us to do (i.e. hot on His heels). This is in contrast to the idea of God closing doors and opening windows in order to show us what to do and where to go. Though, I must admit, I am not opposed to the theology of the closing door. I try to stay as close to God as possible, listen intently, practice spiritual disciplines, seek discernment, etc. But there are moments when a decision needs to be made and I am still not sure what God wants me to do. So, I go with the option that I think is best and pray, "God, if this is not the direction I am supposed to be going, please just slam the door in my face". Usually, if I am headed the wrong way, that is exactly what happens.
The whole "Hot on His Heels Theology" thing, discussed in my forever anonymous book, gives the impression that sometimes God speaks very quietly and you have to get really close in order to know what He is saying. This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode with the "low talker". Maybe God is a Cosmic "low talker" and we have to draw ever closer to hear what He is saying to us. If this is true, it is not because God is playing some game with us. I think it is because we so easily take the reigns into our own hands, rush ahead of what God is doing, and do our own thing...then we get in trouble. Maybe God speaks softly so we will slow down, learn to wait, follow after Him, and really be ready for the answers that we are seeking. I like that idea. If we want to know what God's will is for our lives, we have to get as close to Him as possible and stay there...seeking God with all that we are, until we hear (and understand) His voice.
Speaking of God's will: In my life, God has opened up an opportunity that I feel led to pursue. I was accepted today to a Doctorate of Ministry program at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. I will begin this July. Basically, I go twice a year, for 10 days each time, for a residency. The rest of the year, I read books and write papers...a lot of books and a lot of papers. The focus is in Marriage and Family Counseling, and by the end of the program, I should be eligible to take the state exam to become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in addition to receiving my doctorate. I am very excited about the opportunity. I am sure you will hear more about it on the blog in the future.
Yeah, I pretty much had a weak moment and bought a book that did absolutely nothing to further my intelligence. My Grandpa Dietsch is shaking his finger at me from the Great Beyond even now. He would always take me to bookstores and buy me anything I wanted, provided it challenged me mentally. Fiction was generally a no-no, unless it was some great work of literature, like Shakespeare. Because of that constant reinforcement in my childhood (since books are my addiction and my Grandpa was my supplier!), I feel internally guilty whenever I read popular fiction. I do it on occasion, despite the guilt.
Anyway, because it was Christian fiction, the author felt the need to infuse it with pearls of faith-based wisdom. Actually, some of it was rather insightful. Something that made me think was her discussion of God's will. She wrote about something called "Hot on His Heels Theology" The meaning of this: in order to know what God's will is for our lives, we need to stay so close to Him that we can actually hear what He tells us to do (i.e. hot on His heels). This is in contrast to the idea of God closing doors and opening windows in order to show us what to do and where to go. Though, I must admit, I am not opposed to the theology of the closing door. I try to stay as close to God as possible, listen intently, practice spiritual disciplines, seek discernment, etc. But there are moments when a decision needs to be made and I am still not sure what God wants me to do. So, I go with the option that I think is best and pray, "God, if this is not the direction I am supposed to be going, please just slam the door in my face". Usually, if I am headed the wrong way, that is exactly what happens.
The whole "Hot on His Heels Theology" thing, discussed in my forever anonymous book, gives the impression that sometimes God speaks very quietly and you have to get really close in order to know what He is saying. This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode with the "low talker". Maybe God is a Cosmic "low talker" and we have to draw ever closer to hear what He is saying to us. If this is true, it is not because God is playing some game with us. I think it is because we so easily take the reigns into our own hands, rush ahead of what God is doing, and do our own thing...then we get in trouble. Maybe God speaks softly so we will slow down, learn to wait, follow after Him, and really be ready for the answers that we are seeking. I like that idea. If we want to know what God's will is for our lives, we have to get as close to Him as possible and stay there...seeking God with all that we are, until we hear (and understand) His voice.
Speaking of God's will: In my life, God has opened up an opportunity that I feel led to pursue. I was accepted today to a Doctorate of Ministry program at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. I will begin this July. Basically, I go twice a year, for 10 days each time, for a residency. The rest of the year, I read books and write papers...a lot of books and a lot of papers. The focus is in Marriage and Family Counseling, and by the end of the program, I should be eligible to take the state exam to become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in addition to receiving my doctorate. I am very excited about the opportunity. I am sure you will hear more about it on the blog in the future.
Monday, May 26, 2008
God's Faithfulness
I just received an email from my PPRC (Pastor Parrish Relations Committee) Chair. He is a retired Air Force Colonel. He signed the email with this closing: "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition". For some reason, that seems like one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Who knows, though, I am tired after many cookouts and much barbecued food...
Today has been a great day of visiting with friends, talking, relaxing, and eating. I can't eat much at one time, but it seems like all I have done today is eat. Memorial Day madness!
Since Memorial Day is a day of remembering, my thoughts have turned, again, to God's faithfulness in my life. That was the topic of my sermon yesterday: God's faithfulness. God is good, that is His nature, He can be nothing other than good...and the best news: God longs to be good to us, to lavish His beauty and blessing upon us.
All I have to do is look back on my life for proof of God's goodness. I see evidence of God's faithfulness around every corner. I couldn't always see it at the time, but in retrospect, it is obvious that God was always present and continually working for my good--even in the darkest, most disappointing moments.
The other day, I was driving down a tree-lined, bending kind of road. Because of the way the trees were, and the nature of the road's curves, I couldn't see much of what was up ahead. It made me think of life, the way we don't know what is coming next around the bend. That used to be a scary thing to me, that "unknown". The longer I live and the more I experience of God, I am more excited than frightened about what is around each corner. Even if something really bad is up ahead, God will be right there with me in the midst of it. What more do I need? The very intimate Presence and help of the God who breathed life into dirt so I might exist. It makes me think of the words to an old hymn: "What have I to fear? What have I to dread? Leaning on the Everlasting Arms". Those "Arms"--that unending faithfulness of God--is the same today as it was yesterday. God will not fail us. In that alone, I find my deepest rest and peace.
I mentioned in my sermon yesterday that I recently saw a colleague of mine, a fellow pastor, who I only see once or twice a year. Before he speaks, I know exactly how the conversation is going to go. It will be negative, heavy, and sad. I almost dread asking the question: "How are you?" He always answers, and it is always bad. Has God failed to be good to him? Has God failed to be present? Has God failed to bring good things to pass in the midst of the difficulties?
God does not fail...we fail. We fail to see what God is doing in our midst. We fail to look. We fail to reflect on our lives and see the trace of God's Hand, bringing beauty out of the ashes. If we have nothing to be thankful for, if we see no evidence of God's faithfulness, it is because our vision has faltered, not because God has failed to be good.
I realize that Memorial Day--a day of remembering--is almost over, but I encourage you to take some time to think about God's faithfulness in your life. It takes work to cultivate a grateful and trusting heart...one way to start is to actively reflect on God's nature and His gracious actions in your life. God is good...all the time. God has been good to you. God will continue to be good to you. Open your eyes and see more of His goodness.
Today has been a great day of visiting with friends, talking, relaxing, and eating. I can't eat much at one time, but it seems like all I have done today is eat. Memorial Day madness!
Since Memorial Day is a day of remembering, my thoughts have turned, again, to God's faithfulness in my life. That was the topic of my sermon yesterday: God's faithfulness. God is good, that is His nature, He can be nothing other than good...and the best news: God longs to be good to us, to lavish His beauty and blessing upon us.
All I have to do is look back on my life for proof of God's goodness. I see evidence of God's faithfulness around every corner. I couldn't always see it at the time, but in retrospect, it is obvious that God was always present and continually working for my good--even in the darkest, most disappointing moments.
The other day, I was driving down a tree-lined, bending kind of road. Because of the way the trees were, and the nature of the road's curves, I couldn't see much of what was up ahead. It made me think of life, the way we don't know what is coming next around the bend. That used to be a scary thing to me, that "unknown". The longer I live and the more I experience of God, I am more excited than frightened about what is around each corner. Even if something really bad is up ahead, God will be right there with me in the midst of it. What more do I need? The very intimate Presence and help of the God who breathed life into dirt so I might exist. It makes me think of the words to an old hymn: "What have I to fear? What have I to dread? Leaning on the Everlasting Arms". Those "Arms"--that unending faithfulness of God--is the same today as it was yesterday. God will not fail us. In that alone, I find my deepest rest and peace.
I mentioned in my sermon yesterday that I recently saw a colleague of mine, a fellow pastor, who I only see once or twice a year. Before he speaks, I know exactly how the conversation is going to go. It will be negative, heavy, and sad. I almost dread asking the question: "How are you?" He always answers, and it is always bad. Has God failed to be good to him? Has God failed to be present? Has God failed to bring good things to pass in the midst of the difficulties?
God does not fail...we fail. We fail to see what God is doing in our midst. We fail to look. We fail to reflect on our lives and see the trace of God's Hand, bringing beauty out of the ashes. If we have nothing to be thankful for, if we see no evidence of God's faithfulness, it is because our vision has faltered, not because God has failed to be good.
I realize that Memorial Day--a day of remembering--is almost over, but I encourage you to take some time to think about God's faithfulness in your life. It takes work to cultivate a grateful and trusting heart...one way to start is to actively reflect on God's nature and His gracious actions in your life. God is good...all the time. God has been good to you. God will continue to be good to you. Open your eyes and see more of His goodness.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Dancing in God's goodness
My sermon today is about God's faithfulness. It made me think of that Footprints poem, about God carrying us during the most difficult times of our lives. I found another version of that poem that I like even better...because it involves dancing. I like the image of our life with God as a dance. Maybe you have heard it before. Even so, I hope it reminds you of the faithfulness of our great God, who works all things for good for those who love Him.
FOOTPRINTS…A New Version
Author Unknown
Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace.
But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns. For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends! This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps.
Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.
This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one. This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.
Now you pray:"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."
"That is correct."
"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."
"Very good.. You have understood everything so far."
When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."
"Precisely."
"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."
There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice. "You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"
FOOTPRINTS…A New Version
Author Unknown
Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace.
But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns. For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends! This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps.
Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.
This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one. This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.
Now you pray:"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."
"That is correct."
"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."
"Very good.. You have understood everything so far."
When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."
"Precisely."
"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."
There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice. "You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Saturday Hikes and Online Dating
Since it was a beautiful day, I decided to go to a local park and hike one of the trails this afternoon. There is a multi-purpose trail that is a little over 4 miles which looked good to me. I have walked other trails at this particular park, but never this one, because my dogs are usually with me and they are not allowed (which makes me wonder how "multi-purpose" the trail really is).
The first thing I noticed as I began my trek was the number of men who like to run/walk without shirts on. Regardless of age or level of physical fitness, most of the men I passed were shirtless. Admittedly, I must have some amount of testosterone surging through my female body, because if I see a man without a shirt, I cannot stop myself from looking. This is bad in two ways. First, if the man is very attractive, I have to say to myself: "Tina, stop staring at his chest. Don't think about nakedness. Think pure thoughts!" On the flip side, if the man is not so attractive, I still can't help but look. But then I say to myself: "Tina, look away right now or else that image will stay in your mind forever...and you wouldn't want that to happen". I realize this sounds rude and/or judgmental. I don't mean disrespect to these men. My point is: When you are in public would you please wear a shirt, for the love! Attractive or not so attractive, either way, put a shirt on!
The other scenery today was breath-taking. I remember a line from some song: "I've never seen blue like that before". That's how the sky looked today...like blue from another world. It was so pretty it almost brought tears to my eyes. The sun shining on my skin felt warm and invigorating. The wildflowers were so pretty that I almost tripped while looking at them, instead of watching where I was going. The best part was being able to push myself, physically, and feel challenged and alive. The human body is such an awe-inspiring thing. It is incredible to feel all your parts working together toward a goal, breathing deeply, moving fast, and feeling the wind in your hair. For most of my life, I was never much of an outdoor kind of person (nor much of an exercise person, for that matter)...but I think I could get used to this. It is so much more interesting than sitting inside, watching TV. I think it must be a sin to sit inside on a day like today. Truly, I felt closer to God than I have in a while...just by spending time walking in His creation (and listening to fabulous Christian music on my I-pod).
In other news, I signed up for a Christian dating site last night. I guess I am tired of not knowing any single guys in my age range, who share similar values. Granted, I have not looked around this site much yet, but I did look at a few profiles of guys in my age range. Most of them say things like "I am looking for someone in her early to mid-20s". So, essentially, they want women at least 10 years younger than them. The flip side of that is the age of men that seem to be viewing my profile (there is a feature where you can see who has viewed you). The average age of most men viewing my profile is 50. I just don't understand men. Is there something wrong with dating someone who is actually your age? Just asking!
I don't have great hopes for this online dating endeavor. I tried the online dating thing about 5 years ago. Actually, I met a guy that was really interesting. We talked for a couple months and I was starting to think, "This could be someone I'd be seriously interested in dating". Little by little, however, red flags started to appear. The biggest one, for me, was that he still lived with his parents (at age 30). He had not moved home because of a difficult time...he had just never moved out. He lived in his parents' basement. This might be shallow on my part, but I think someone who is 30 years old should have lived on his own, at least for a significant amount of time. I am not looking for Bill Gates to provide for me and take care of me. I don't even care about money (obviously, I am a pastor; money is not my motivating force in my life). But someone who knows how to take care of himself and knows who he is, these are non-negotiables to me. The first day of online dating does not look so hopeful, but we will see how it goes.
I realize that today's post is not the deepest of all posts. But I promise something more theologically stimulating will be coming soon. Hopefully the sheer excitement of my life will be inspiring to you (ha ha ha!). Now I must go and take a shower because, after hiking around this afternoon, I smell like a teenage boy. Have a fabulous weekend, blog friends!
The first thing I noticed as I began my trek was the number of men who like to run/walk without shirts on. Regardless of age or level of physical fitness, most of the men I passed were shirtless. Admittedly, I must have some amount of testosterone surging through my female body, because if I see a man without a shirt, I cannot stop myself from looking. This is bad in two ways. First, if the man is very attractive, I have to say to myself: "Tina, stop staring at his chest. Don't think about nakedness. Think pure thoughts!" On the flip side, if the man is not so attractive, I still can't help but look. But then I say to myself: "Tina, look away right now or else that image will stay in your mind forever...and you wouldn't want that to happen". I realize this sounds rude and/or judgmental. I don't mean disrespect to these men. My point is: When you are in public would you please wear a shirt, for the love! Attractive or not so attractive, either way, put a shirt on!
The other scenery today was breath-taking. I remember a line from some song: "I've never seen blue like that before". That's how the sky looked today...like blue from another world. It was so pretty it almost brought tears to my eyes. The sun shining on my skin felt warm and invigorating. The wildflowers were so pretty that I almost tripped while looking at them, instead of watching where I was going. The best part was being able to push myself, physically, and feel challenged and alive. The human body is such an awe-inspiring thing. It is incredible to feel all your parts working together toward a goal, breathing deeply, moving fast, and feeling the wind in your hair. For most of my life, I was never much of an outdoor kind of person (nor much of an exercise person, for that matter)...but I think I could get used to this. It is so much more interesting than sitting inside, watching TV. I think it must be a sin to sit inside on a day like today. Truly, I felt closer to God than I have in a while...just by spending time walking in His creation (and listening to fabulous Christian music on my I-pod).
In other news, I signed up for a Christian dating site last night. I guess I am tired of not knowing any single guys in my age range, who share similar values. Granted, I have not looked around this site much yet, but I did look at a few profiles of guys in my age range. Most of them say things like "I am looking for someone in her early to mid-20s". So, essentially, they want women at least 10 years younger than them. The flip side of that is the age of men that seem to be viewing my profile (there is a feature where you can see who has viewed you). The average age of most men viewing my profile is 50. I just don't understand men. Is there something wrong with dating someone who is actually your age? Just asking!
I don't have great hopes for this online dating endeavor. I tried the online dating thing about 5 years ago. Actually, I met a guy that was really interesting. We talked for a couple months and I was starting to think, "This could be someone I'd be seriously interested in dating". Little by little, however, red flags started to appear. The biggest one, for me, was that he still lived with his parents (at age 30). He had not moved home because of a difficult time...he had just never moved out. He lived in his parents' basement. This might be shallow on my part, but I think someone who is 30 years old should have lived on his own, at least for a significant amount of time. I am not looking for Bill Gates to provide for me and take care of me. I don't even care about money (obviously, I am a pastor; money is not my motivating force in my life). But someone who knows how to take care of himself and knows who he is, these are non-negotiables to me. The first day of online dating does not look so hopeful, but we will see how it goes.
I realize that today's post is not the deepest of all posts. But I promise something more theologically stimulating will be coming soon. Hopefully the sheer excitement of my life will be inspiring to you (ha ha ha!). Now I must go and take a shower because, after hiking around this afternoon, I smell like a teenage boy. Have a fabulous weekend, blog friends!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Being an Extrovert
I'm back from mini-vacation. I had an action-packed couple of days, with clergy session (insert yawn) and then a whirlwind trip to Lima. I ended up seeing more people than I even anticipated, which was wonderful. This trip reminded me, once again, that I am an extrovert. I mean that in the truest sense of the word. People think of "extrovert" as "outgoing" and "introvert" as "shy"...at least, that is my take on the common perception.
The best definition I've heard of extroversion/introversion is that extroverts feel energized by interactions with others and introverts feel energized by alone time. Ideally, a truly balanced person would find refreshment in both activities, but all people are going to tend toward one end of the spectrum or the other.
After seeing so many people that I loved and have missed--and after having good, reconnecting kinds of conversation with many--I feel renewed and re-energized. I don't often get to spend a couple days at a time with lots and lots of people. Being at a small church, in the middle of the country, I see a few people each day (and a lot of people on Sundays), but generally spend a lot more time alone, in reflection, than I do with large amounts of people. I was beginning to think I'd become an introvert. Really, I think I had just adjusted to my situation. Necessity is the mother of introversion, at least in my case.
I have always felt guilty about being an extrovert, thinking it not as intellectual or deep as being an introvert. Most introverts I know spend their lives wishing they were extroverts. Why is it that, no matter what the trait, as humans, we are never content with who we are? We always want to be what we are not.
I am grateful for growing older. Side note: I realize I am not "old" yet, at least not from the perspective of those of you older than I am. However, I am older than I have ever been in my life. What I like about each passing year is the perspective that it brings about what is important, about what really matters. (I dislike the gray hairs that appear on my head with continuing frequency). I guess I had to get into my thirties to start accepting myself as I am. For the first time in my life, I am happy that I am an extrovert. I see positives in the fact that I enjoy spending time with people, even just chatting at a superficial level (though, I'd prefer deeper conversation). I just like people and feel better about life and about myself after spending time with others. Granted, too much time with junior high students makes me want to become an introvert, but I guess there are exceptions to every rule!
So, if I were to sum this all up in a couple sentences as a thought for the day: God made us each unique and special, created the way we are for a reason and purpose. Maybe it is time we all started to embrace ourselves for who we are and celebrate the amazing gifts we have been given, instead of wishing we were different or more like someone else. (Or maybe I am the only one who struggles with this???)
The best definition I've heard of extroversion/introversion is that extroverts feel energized by interactions with others and introverts feel energized by alone time. Ideally, a truly balanced person would find refreshment in both activities, but all people are going to tend toward one end of the spectrum or the other.
After seeing so many people that I loved and have missed--and after having good, reconnecting kinds of conversation with many--I feel renewed and re-energized. I don't often get to spend a couple days at a time with lots and lots of people. Being at a small church, in the middle of the country, I see a few people each day (and a lot of people on Sundays), but generally spend a lot more time alone, in reflection, than I do with large amounts of people. I was beginning to think I'd become an introvert. Really, I think I had just adjusted to my situation. Necessity is the mother of introversion, at least in my case.
I have always felt guilty about being an extrovert, thinking it not as intellectual or deep as being an introvert. Most introverts I know spend their lives wishing they were extroverts. Why is it that, no matter what the trait, as humans, we are never content with who we are? We always want to be what we are not.
I am grateful for growing older. Side note: I realize I am not "old" yet, at least not from the perspective of those of you older than I am. However, I am older than I have ever been in my life. What I like about each passing year is the perspective that it brings about what is important, about what really matters. (I dislike the gray hairs that appear on my head with continuing frequency). I guess I had to get into my thirties to start accepting myself as I am. For the first time in my life, I am happy that I am an extrovert. I see positives in the fact that I enjoy spending time with people, even just chatting at a superficial level (though, I'd prefer deeper conversation). I just like people and feel better about life and about myself after spending time with others. Granted, too much time with junior high students makes me want to become an introvert, but I guess there are exceptions to every rule!
So, if I were to sum this all up in a couple sentences as a thought for the day: God made us each unique and special, created the way we are for a reason and purpose. Maybe it is time we all started to embrace ourselves for who we are and celebrate the amazing gifts we have been given, instead of wishing we were different or more like someone else. (Or maybe I am the only one who struggles with this???)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Mini-vacation
Today, I go to clergy session. All the pastors in our regional area get together for the day, to talk, worship, learn, discuss, and to vote (we wouldn't be United Methodists without all the voting!). It is an all day meeting, to do what we could get done in a couple hours, but it is fun to see people that I haven't seen in a year, so I won't complain. My motivating force for attendance at most events is fellowship, so I am excited about yucking it up with some of my cronies today.
After the session ends, I am booking it out of town, hoping to make it to Lima in time for a T-ball game. One of my oldest (meaning length of time of the friendship, not her age) and dearest friends has two sons that are like nephews to me. Zach has a T-ball game. I look forward to cheering him on. I am sure that 5 year olds playing T-ball will not reach great heights of athletic achievement, but it should be fun to watch, nonetheless.
I am staying the night in Lima, taking a vacation day the next day, and helping out my friend Melinda with final book projects at Lima Senior High School (where she is a teacher). I plan to meet with some of my old youth group kids, stop by my old church, and have dinner with some friends. It will be a whirlwind trip and I will not get to see half the people that I want to see...good thing I was invited back in a couple weeks for a Saturday dinner at the house of some people I love dearly!
All this itinerary information is to say that I will not get a chance to blog for a day or two, so check back Friday morning some time for the latest entry...or take some time to read the multitudes of past posts. Thanks for stopping by!
After the session ends, I am booking it out of town, hoping to make it to Lima in time for a T-ball game. One of my oldest (meaning length of time of the friendship, not her age) and dearest friends has two sons that are like nephews to me. Zach has a T-ball game. I look forward to cheering him on. I am sure that 5 year olds playing T-ball will not reach great heights of athletic achievement, but it should be fun to watch, nonetheless.
I am staying the night in Lima, taking a vacation day the next day, and helping out my friend Melinda with final book projects at Lima Senior High School (where she is a teacher). I plan to meet with some of my old youth group kids, stop by my old church, and have dinner with some friends. It will be a whirlwind trip and I will not get to see half the people that I want to see...good thing I was invited back in a couple weeks for a Saturday dinner at the house of some people I love dearly!
All this itinerary information is to say that I will not get a chance to blog for a day or two, so check back Friday morning some time for the latest entry...or take some time to read the multitudes of past posts. Thanks for stopping by!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Weight Loss Surgery
This past February, I had gastric bypass surgery. Most of you probably know that (and by "most", I mean all 5 people who regularly read my blog!), and for those of you who didn't, well, now you do. I had not really blogged about the weight loss surgery experience, and thought I would share some today.
First, if you wonder what gastric bypass really is, it basically means my stomach is now significantly physically smaller and my intestines have been rearranged in some fascinating way that I am unable to articulate fully. It was a pretty intense surgery and a drastic step to take--not something one does on a whim. I was required to be on a 6-month doctor-supervised diet and exercise program before I could even submit my claim for insurance approval (a requirement of the insurance company)...and the hospital will not schedule your surgery until you are officially approved by insurance (or until you personally pay them tens of thousands of dollars). The diet was about as successful as the many others I have tried. I did lose 20 lbs. in 6 months...which is still progress, but not great progress. Consequently, when a lovely older lady from my church says to me (on more than one occasion, after I've already had the surgery): "I know several people who have done really well with Weight Watchers", it makes me want to scream: "If a diet had worked for me, including Weight Watchers the three times I tried it, I wouldn't have risked my life to have my innards rearranged". I don't say it, but I think it.
I have been on a diet since I was 7 years old (that means 2nd grade, my friends) and what I have learned from those years of experience: diets don't really work, not for long-term results. Only life-style change really works. I heard this surgery described as "forced behavior modification", and I think that is a good description. You still have to do your part in the process (and let me tell you, it is not easy), but the surgery is a helpful "tool" (that's what all the doctors call it, because it is something you have to work with and use, not an instant cure).
I went today for a 3-month check-up. The Cleveland Clinic (where I had my surgery) has these things called "SMAs", which I think means "shared medical appointments". A bunch of us in similar stages meet together with the doctor. She discusses our cases individually, in front of everyone else...the theory behind this is that, because we are in similar situations, we may learn something from her interaction/discussion/teaching with each of us. I guess that was true, in part...but it was also a long two-hours. One thing I learned was that, of all nine people there today, I had lost the most weight so far. Yes, I was the biggest loser! I was expecting balloons to drop and someone to hand me a big check (like on the show, which I've never watched, but I hear they get big bucks at the end). That didn't happen, but they did all clap, which was nice. I have lost 62 lbs in a little over 3 months, and over 80 lbs. since I started the process of surgery preparation last August. I have further to go, but am really happy with my progress so far.
I spent some time talking with a couple ladies from the SMA. One of them told me she was very secretive about her weight loss, that most people from her work did not know she'd had surgery. I guess she had some bad responses from people when she told them about the surgery. I had some bad responses too, but so many more positive ones that I kinda blocked out the bad stuff. I felt badly for this woman, that she felt the need to hide her surgery. It also made me angry that people are so rude. I mean, seriously, the choices I make for my own health, my own life, my own body are my choices to make. It doesn't mean others shouldn't have opinions, but it does mean they should withhold judgment, especially if they have not walked in your body or lived your life. I tell everyone who asks about my weight loss that I have had surgery. If they decide to judge me for it, I figure that is more about them than it is about me. I made a choice that has literally saved my life, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
For me, this has been one of the best experiences of my life. I would gladly talk to anyone about it. It has given me control over an area of my life that has controlled me for as long as I can remember. I feel like I can finally overcome my weight issues...not without work and discipline, of course, but feel--for the first time--that it is very possible to have continued victory in this area of my life. I have never had that hope before. It makes me feel that anything in life, in any area of my life, is possible. It makes me want to try new things, to live more fully, to be bold and daring, to really be alive. (Again, let me say how much I love this surgery!) It has changed me from the inside out. I am not sure if the surgeon did something in my brain after he was done messing around in my abdomen, but I think differently about things now: food, exercise, life, myself. I LOVE IT! For example, I had an appointment with the nutritionist after the SMA, but had a little over an hour to kill in between. I had a book with me (because I never go anywhere without a book) and was planning on just reading to pass the time. However, I thought, "Maybe I should go take a walk. This place is huge and there is a lot to see." So, I went on a brisk walk for 45 minutes (and barely saw a fraction of THE CLEVELAND CLINIC). At any other point in my life, when given the choice between a sedentary activity and a physical one, I would always choose the sedentary option. But now I like to move, to breath, to live...an amazing change. I also want to be out more, to do things, to spend time with people. Before, I was so tired and felt so gross about myself that I would just hide out at home whenever I wasn't working or didn't have a social engagement that I could not get out of...now I am constantly on the look out for the next party, the next person to talk to, the next social activity. I like being out and doing things. I think, in fact, that I finally like me...not just because I have lost weight, but because I am becoming a better version of myself in every aspect of my life. This surgery is the best choice I ever made.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Unexpected Revelations
As a pastor, you often hear deep and personal expressions from people--things that are usually as painful to hear as they are to say. In addition, I have a face that speaks. This is what my face says: "Please tell me things, random strangers--private, personal, embarrassing things. I am here to listen". Even without the title of pastor, my face invites familiarity...in grocery stores, airports, and other various and sundry locations. Sometimes, when I am particularly tired or stressed, I try not to make eye contact with people when out in public. I guess they can see in my eyes that I care, and with briefest eye contact, the telling of deep things begins. It is a gift and a curse.
Something that continues to surprise me is what happens in a pastoral counseling setting. People come into my office to talk to me. Usually, things have gotten pretty bad or difficult before you even ask to talk to your pastor, so I don't expect simple, easy things to come out of people's mouths. At some point in the conversation, the person will inevitably say something like: "Well, Pastor, it's really bad...are you sure you want to hear it? You will be surprised". I have been a pastor for 7 years, and have had this face for, well, my whole life...so honestly, there is not much I haven't heard. Still, I am always surprised when people worry they will shock me with their revelations. Maybe, just for fun, I should audibly gasp after someone tells me something particularly seedy (totally kidding!!!!).
I wonder if people think pastors are so holy that they know nothing of the world of sin and human frailty. Most people who become pastors do so because they realize they are, in fact, just as sinful as every one else in the world (perhaps moreso), and desperately in need of God's grace.
When people act as if they are about to saying something that will turn my faith upside down, I think: Has anyone ever actually read the Bible? Once you have read that book, nothing should really shock you about human nature again. It's all in there--nothing new under the sun.
The thing is, we all mess up. We all fail ourselves, fail each other, fail God. The Good News is that there is mercy, grace, healing, and new life available. That is one of the greatest things about being a pastor. I get to tell people (or at least remind them) that God's love is deeper than all their pain, God's mercy is wider than all their sin. That is an amazing thing.
Something that continues to surprise me is what happens in a pastoral counseling setting. People come into my office to talk to me. Usually, things have gotten pretty bad or difficult before you even ask to talk to your pastor, so I don't expect simple, easy things to come out of people's mouths. At some point in the conversation, the person will inevitably say something like: "Well, Pastor, it's really bad...are you sure you want to hear it? You will be surprised". I have been a pastor for 7 years, and have had this face for, well, my whole life...so honestly, there is not much I haven't heard. Still, I am always surprised when people worry they will shock me with their revelations. Maybe, just for fun, I should audibly gasp after someone tells me something particularly seedy (totally kidding!!!!).
I wonder if people think pastors are so holy that they know nothing of the world of sin and human frailty. Most people who become pastors do so because they realize they are, in fact, just as sinful as every one else in the world (perhaps moreso), and desperately in need of God's grace.
When people act as if they are about to saying something that will turn my faith upside down, I think: Has anyone ever actually read the Bible? Once you have read that book, nothing should really shock you about human nature again. It's all in there--nothing new under the sun.
The thing is, we all mess up. We all fail ourselves, fail each other, fail God. The Good News is that there is mercy, grace, healing, and new life available. That is one of the greatest things about being a pastor. I get to tell people (or at least remind them) that God's love is deeper than all their pain, God's mercy is wider than all their sin. That is an amazing thing.
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