Ten Things I Think, Part Deux

Here are the rest of 10 things I think:

6) Boring Sermons
Even the best preacher has a "bad" Sunday once in a while. Maybe 'bad' isn't the best word choice. It's just that every sermon cannot be exceptional--that would defeat the purpose of exceptional, really. Sunday was such a Sunday for me. Sometimes you know it is going to be a weak sermon going into it: you don't really connect well with the Biblical text, you feel uninspired, you had a difficult week, you can't find the "so what?" factor (which is the part of the sermon that answers the question, "so what does this mean for me and my life?", which is the ultimate question people are asking), etc. There are a lot of reasons why every sermon is not a stellar sermon. Most times, you know it going in...but sometimes, like Sunday, you figure it out mid-sermon.

Any person who is a regular public speaker learns how to "read" an audience. You can tell when people are "with you", when their eyes are totally fixed on yours and it seems that everyone is waiting expectantly for the next word to come out of your mouth. You can also tell when people are doodling, thinking about their shopping lists, or staring at their watches. On those days, you sometimes want to stop, right in the middle, and say: "Would you like me to just stop now and we can all get to Bob Evan's a little bit sooner?"

I felt that "bad sermon" vibe this Sunday. Half the people were with me, but half the people looked fidgety and ready to go...almost before I started. There was one bright spot in the midst of the sermon, our sweet keyboardist, Marla. Every time I looked over at her, she smiled at me, nodded and looked like she was paying attention. On a bad sermon day, you need someone like that to cheer you on...and remind you that maybe someone is actually getting something out of the sermon.

The funny thing is, as I stood at the door after service (to shake hands and kiss babies) one man said to me: "Do you have a telescope straight into my soul?" I said, "Why yes, I do". And we laughed, but apparently, something in the sermon--which felt endless to me--spoke to him. The lesson I learned from this: maybe I am not the most objective critic of my own sermons!

Along those lines, I was in the church library this week with our librarian, Jane, and her husband, Tom. They were going through some books that were donated from another area church. Amidst the boxes of books was a book entitled, "Things to do during a dull sermon". We all laughed and laughed about that, and Tom put it in our stewardship chair's mailbox, since he seems like the kind of guy who would really get a kick out of that. I have a feeling that I will be seeing that book again and again. There must be a lot of dull sermons in order for a book like that to be written...and we have all, unfortunately, experienced them or else it wouldn't be so funny.

7) The Simpsons
I admit it, I am a Simpsons fan. I love the satire of it all. The show is intelligent and sarcastic and multi-faceted, plus most of the episodes are really funny. I realize it is a cartoon and that it is, at times, controversial. Multitudes of others must share my Simpsons affinity, because the show now has 400 episodes to its credit and is going on its 19th season in 2007-2008. One of the great woes of my life concerns the Simpsons movie which is coming out this summer, at the end of July, when I will be in Russia on a mission trip. I am hoping that Moscow might have a special Simpsons premier at the Kremlin or something (pretty positive that isn't an option).

The Simpsons were a big deal when I was in seminary. Every Sunday night was Simpsons night at our house. One time, for the Simpsons season premier, we had a huge party and were going to rent a big screen TV (but it was too expensive for our jobless budgets)...so we hooked up several TVs and turned them all to the same channel, while multitudes crowded into our small living room. It was like watching TV at Best Buy, but it is a beautiful and unfading memory. We even had a Simpsons-marathon sleepover one time, since one of my friends had taped virtually every episode of the Simpsons (this was before every season of every show was instantly released as a set on DVD). Most Seminary conversations contained some Simpsons quote or reference. It was like the Simpsons also attended Asbury Theological Seminary. So now, when I watch the Simpsons, it reminds of community, shared memories, and the closest relationships of my life. It is amazing how a group of little yellow cartoons reminds me of God's greatest blessings to me, but it does...and I love it!

8) Listening
People tell me all the time that I am a really good listener, which makes me laugh. I am very aware of the times I interrupt someone, simply because I want to say something. I am aware of the times my mind starts to wander when someone says things that aren't interesting or exciting. I am aware of times when I don't ask follow-up questions about something that someone obviously wants to talk about. I am not a "great listener".

In reality, I am an average listener. The sad truth: most people are such bad listeners that my average listening skills appear exceptional. People don't listen well. They don't ask questions, they interrupt, they talk about themselves more than anything else, they don't watch for nonverbal cues that communicate more deeply than words, and they don't remember details of things people have shared. I will ask people, all the time, about things they tell me...and they say, "I'm so impressed that you remembered that". It is not hard to remember what people say if you are really paying attention. Most people are not really paying attention. So, when someone does remember things, it stands out. Most people would label themselves as good listeners, but it is kind of like driving. Pretty much everyone things they are a good driver, and yet look at all the accidents. We are not really honest with ourselves.

I have had so many encounters with people where they talk 90 percent of the time. I am not talking about professional counseling sessions, where it is my pastoral role to listen and ask questions. I am talking about normal interactions at meals and outings. One time, I was at a meal with someone who talked about themselves for an hour straight, literally. I really didn't mind, because I like learning about people and enjoy asking questions. The thing that struck me as odd was, after an hour, the person said to me, "All I have done is talk. Now I want to hear about you." And I said, "Well, what do you want to know?"...and within a minute, we were back to talking about her, for another hour. I wasn't bothered by the fact that she talked and I listened. I was bothered that she noticed what was going and then just continued to talk about herself--like it didn't really matter. Most people are unintentionally self-centered...but to intentionally be that way is not as acceptable to me.

Overall, I like listening to people. Listening is a way to show people that they matter and that you care about them. It is a simple way to put love into action. I find people fascinating. I like to hear stories. I like to understand where people are from and how they think. I like to ask questions. It saddens me that the majority of people don't seem to share my affinity for listening to others.

The times that non-listening bothers me most, really, is when I am in a group of people and someone is sharing something significant, and another person jumps in with some tangent that really has nothing to do with what is going on and is generally just about them. We are all so rude to one another. We talk a lot more than we listen. We interrupt, constantly. We talk over each other. We think our opinion is the most important opinion--and must be shared before someone else has the chance to speak. My latest prayer is: "God, when I talk too much, shut me up; teach me how to listen; give me a heart that really cares; make it my greatest desire to show You to others, instead of getting my own way, making my own point, or saying something really profound; Jesus, just get me out of the way until all people see is You".

9) Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
I like to watch "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition". It is nice to see a show that isn't sleazy. I have a little problem with the underlying premise that material things make up for horrible tragedy and pain. Yet, some of the conditions that people live in are just shocking. I'm not sure that flat screen tvs and computers in every room are necessary all the time...but safe, clean, pretty homes and financial help and college tuition...those things are good things. Most of all, people really need Jesus and the community of the church, but that wouldn't be a ratings hit for tv. To me, there should be no need for this show...the Church should step up and be the church. Every community that Extreme Makeover: Home Edition has gone to must have tons of churches within a mile of those homes. I remember hearing in seminary that there were only two counties in the entire USA that did not have at least one United Methodist Church. And that is just the United Methodists. Where are these churches and what are they doing? People are living in squalor and can't feed their families and what are we doing about it?

This past Sunday, the family receiving a home makeover was a single mom who, as a social worker, ended up adopting several kids with AIDS. She talked about the prejudice and hate that her family had experienced. In one scene, at a camp for children with AIDS, one girl (from another family) stood up and talked about getting kicked out of church on Easter Sunday by...get this...THE PASTOR. The pastor asked her and her family to leave, on Easter Sunday, because she had AIDS. This makes me livid! First, no one should EVER, EVER, EVER be asked to leave on a Sunday morning...even if they have leprosy. Jesus pretty much showed us how to treat all people, even people that are scary or may be contagious (which AIDS certainly isn't...not from sitting in the same room...and even if it were, Jesus didn't care about that kind of stuff and neither should His followers).

I have heard of ushers at churches telling people they weren't dressed correctly for church (seriously, not making it up) and have heard other ridiculous things said by people who go to church but obviously don't get Jesus AT ALL...but a PASTOR...a PASTOR...a pastor should know better...a pastor will be judged more harshly for something like that (check the Bible), probably because he/she is supposed to teach/show people what God is like...what a bad example. The girl and her mother still cried as she talked about not being able to go to church on Easter. I am sure that Jesus cried too. If I could find out who that pastor was, they would be hearing from me.

10) Dogs
A day would not be complete without a story about my dogs. I give my dogs these treats called "bully sticks". The lady that I got Pepper from introduced me to them. The dogs love them, they last a long time, and they never choke on them. They are a bit expensive, but if you buy them in bulk (from ebay, nonetheless!) you can get a pretty good deal. When I researched what a bully stick really is, it turns out they are sometimes tendons from bulls, but mostly bull penises (that's right, I said "penis" on my blog).

The whole thing disgusts me to no end, but the dogs are crazy about them. So, I try to make minimal contact with these things...and usually, both the dogs grab them out of my hand faster than the speed of light...and then run away from me like I am going to take the treat back or something. Every once in a while, Pepper kind of looks at the bully stick I am trying to hand her, like she is figuring out if I am giving her something good or bad. You can tell she wants it but she is a little apprehensive. Since I refuse to hold onto those gross, smelly things any longer than I have to, I just drop hers on the floor. The minute the bully stick hits the floor, she snatches it up and runs away, usually to bury it. Sometimes, Pepper forgets where she buried her treat and stares at Ariel eating her treat and then comes to me, whining and looking pitiful, until I go searching for her treat and find it for her. I love Pepper, but she is not the sharpest tool in the shed, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, this whole treat process makes me think about God and the good gifts He tries to give us. I have never once given Pepper a bad treat or something that would hurt her. Everything I give her is either a toy or a treat or some people food. Most times, she freely and eagerly takes what I give. But every once in a while, she looks perplexed, like I am trying to trick her. This frustrates me endlessly because I have never done anything but love and pamper her. And I wonder how many good and wonderful gifts God offers to me--is even offering to me right now--and I refuse because I am scared or because I doubt His goodness. How many times do I hide and hoard the gifts I have been given, "burying" them, scared that it may be the last gift, scared that God will forget about me from now on.

I know how much I love my dogs (it is pitiful, really) and I know that I would never hurt them, intentionally. I occasionally step on one of them because they insist on being within an inch of me at all times...and I feel horrible when it happens. But I am imperfect. God is perfect. He never steps on us, unintentionally or intentionally. He chooses to bless us and form us and lead us and change us...and sometimes refine us...but always with His best for us in mind. I wonder why we are so distrusting at times. Why do we expect God to be anything but overwhelmingly good to us?