10 things I think, Part One

I have a friend named Bryan Bucher, who has a blog (http://www.bryansoffice.blogspot.com). His blog inspired me to start blogging, though he is much more committed to consistent blogging than I am. (What can I say? I am a work in progress). Bryan has a feature on his blog called "Ten Things I Think I Think". I am blatantly stealing his idea, but I am calling mine "Ten Things I Think" so as to not totally plagiarize and because I am pretty sure that I do, in fact, think these things. I've contemplated the "10 Things" idea before, but was never certain I actually thought about 10 things all at the same time--at least not 10 things anyone would want to read about...but I'm stepping out on a limb, thinking that my blogging silence has stirred up a longing in my faithful readers for any kind of entry, even one filled with ten random brain trails. Here's hoping I'm right!!!

1) My dependence on computers

My computer was broken recently, for almost a week. It was torture. I had no access to the internet, other than the occasional trip to the library or via my cell phone (where I can check email but can't send it without taking an hour to type one sentence). The amazing thing: I got a lot more accomplished. I cleaned my house (not completely, but more than I have in a while). My dogs and I took longer walks. I actually made some phone calls (those who know me well realize I am not much of a phone person...that passed with the pre-teen years). I read some of the gazillion books I own and some magazines that I subscribe to. It was a great week. But then the broken computer part came in, and I have yet again become a slave to my computer. It is amazing how much time I can waste looking things up on the internet, as if I need to know all the details about any subject I see on tv or hear in conversation. For instance, the movie "Erin Brockovich" was on TV recently and I caught the last few minutes of it. Suddenly, I needed to know more about this Erin Brockovich and what she was doing now. I watched a movie about Linda McCartney a couple of weeks ago...same thing...I needed to know more details. So off to the internet I went. I now know a lot of useless details about both women that really profit me nothing, but it was interesting.

Thinking about John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, I realize why he was such a prolific author, social activist, tireless preacher, etc. He didn't have a computer or internet or a tv. If I lived 100 years ago, I would be a lot more productive. But I guess I'm willing to trade a little productivity for electricity and indoor plumbing.

2) shaving??? what is that about?

We went to an indoor water park today with our church youth group. It was a long winter and this was my first official "summer" event...meaning it was time to shave the legs. Being in hibernation mode this winter, I'd really packed on the hair. In addition, my grandma used to tell me I looked like a "hairy Jewish man" if I went too long without shaving. She was always one to tell it like it is! Needless to say, this whole de-shedding process took a good 45-50 minutes...during which, I thought, "Whose idea was this shaving thing? Who decided that bare skin is better than furry skin? Why wasn't I born in Eastern Europe?". The internet probably has answers to some of these questions. Another thought I had was about shaving as an Olympic event. I mean, you have to be incredibly coordinated and able to stand on one leg for significant amounts of time without falling over. You have to contort your body into odd position and configurations just to reach all the hair that can be seen when wearing a bathing suit. I was so tired afterwards I wanted to take a nap, yet I felt like I had accomplished something significant...and that is why I am sharing it publically.

3) Why I will never be bishop, D.S., or in any official leadership role in the United Methodist Church...

Today, we had our District's "Spring Conference". This is a time for all the people attending annual conference--and any other interested parties--to gather together for worship, information, some business, and to get all the materials you need for annual conference. Due to our youth water park trip, I had a limited window of time this afternoon to attend the conference (let me point out that I had this water park trip planned before I knew the date for district conference). . If everything went according to plan, I could be at the conference for half an hour, at the most--and they never start on time, so I would have been there for 20 minutes of actual meeting. The only reason I was planning on attending for such a short time was to get my annual conference materials--a purely utilitarian purpose; I may not be a perfect person, but I am an honest one! With the shaving extravaganza that took place, I was running late. When all was said and done, I would have been at the conference for 15 minutes...and I would have been wearing sport pants, a t-shirt, and flip flops (which I'm sure the district superintendent would find very noteworthy). So, I decided not to go and called some of my wonderful lay people to have them pick up my coveted annual conference materials...and I just went straight to the water park, where people were already arriving half an hour before our designated meeting time. There were a lot of precipitating factors for my lateness and consequent absence from the district conference, but ultimately, I missed it because I was shaving. One of the many reasons I will never be bishop.

4) Kissing pigs...some things are more exciting in theory than in actuality

To raise money for Relay for Life, our church had a "kiss the pig" competition. Whoever had the most money donated to them would kiss a pig after church (today). This is not the first "kiss a pig" fundraiser that I have brainstormed. It is a sure sign that I grew up in the city and not the country--and a sign that I am obsessed with pigs. I asked a farmer today, after church, if he was going to stay and watch the pig kissing. He said, "I've kissed so many pigs in my life time, it's no big deal to me". An interesting sentiment.

Our Pastor Emeritus, Pastor Chuck, raised the most money...and for his efforts, he was forced to kiss a pig on the church lawn after service today. I was so excited about the pig kissing, and especially excited that, in this fundraiser, I was not the one kissing the pig (though I have done it before). There were a lot of people and I couldn't really see the "kiss" very well. The pig wasn't really into the whole thing and looked rather traumatized afterwards. I talked to the poor pig and said, "You know, in the grand scheme of your life, this is definitely not the worst thing that is going to happen to you". Poor gal...she's going to the fair in June. It's really sad, especially considering that I just watched the movie "Charlotte's Web" and apparently, there are happy endings available for pigs...at least in the movies. All in all, pig kissing seems to be more exciting in anticipation than in actuality. That's probably true of many things in life.

5) Water parks and Jesus

Being at the indoor water park all afternoon/evening, I got the chance to see a lot of little kids playing in water. The place we were at (Ft. Rapids, right here in Columbus) has this huge water container that periodically dumps tons (maybe not actual tons, but A LOT) of water--from about 50 feet up--onto the kids waiting eagerly below. When it is about to tip over, the kids (of all ages and sizes) come running. The funniest part was the screaming...childlike, excited, anticipatory screaming. As I watched the kids, I noticed that the screaming always occurred just before the water hit them, not when it actually hit them. Every time, without fail, the giggly screaming would occur just before the water hit. They were so excited. You couldn't help but smile.

One of the little boys from church, named Hamilton, was there with his mom and older siblings. I don't think he'd ever been to a place like that. His eyes were the size of pizzas as he looked at all the slides and things to do. When his mom agreed to go down one of the slides with Hamilton, he looked so giddy, it seemed he might explode. He bounced up and down with excitement...and that was his reaction to just about everything, the whole time.

All those kids, and especially Hamilton, made me think about Jesus and what he says about little children...how we are supposed to become like them in order to understand what Jesus is all about. I am sure Jesus meant a lot of things, on a lot of different levels, when He said that. But today makes me think that part of what Jesus meant has to do with excitement and expectancy...about facing life knowing that God is good and expecting that God will be good to you...free to love, laugh, dance, and play in the water...to look foolish and funny and wet and not care what anyone thinks...to jump up and down with joy and anticipation at what is coming next, around the bend...completely trusting that the One who holds the future knows what He is doing. Mostly, today made me want to laugh more and play more...and not take myself as seriously as I do sometimes...to learn how to live in lavish expectance of continuous grace.

Stay tuned for "Ten Things I Think, Part Deux"...where I will share thoughts 6-10…hopefully coming tomorrow to a blog near you!