Trying to Earn God's Approval?

I've received some comments on my lack of blogging, so I am here to offer my apologies and provide a new blog entry. For me, it is one of those seasons of life that I will just label as "blah". Certain situations and obstacles are weighing heavily upon me, leaving me somewhat voiceless. Not really knowing what to write about, I do want to post something. I promise something more creative and heartfelt soon. But for now, I offer an article I found interesting and thought-provoking.

TOO RICH TO ACCEPT GOD'S CHARITY
by Clint Heacock
taken from: http://www.theooze.com/articles/article.cfm?id=1511

I wonder if this is true. For me, I guess I’ve always felt that I brought something to the table in my relationship with God. After all, there are some things I can do pretty well—like Napoleon Dynamite, I’ve got some skills to offer…

Thinking about it, the relationships I have are based on some type of reciprocation. After all, who wants to be involved in a relationship with a person who always takes and takes and takes? We call those people “needy” and either avoid them entirely, or if somehow we do get trapped in a relationship with a needy person, we roll our eyes when their number comes up on the caller ID because we know they’ll babble for hours about all of their problems. And the worst thing about people like that is, no matter how much or what advice we give them—and they even ask for, and agree with it!—they don’t follow it. How annoying is that.

Those kinds of relationships are draining. I think that for most people, their hope is to enter into some kind of healthy relationship with other people, a relationship that is mutually beneficial and mutually expanding. As I’ve said, the kind of relationships that are somehow emotionally or physically deficient we term “dysfunctional,” and they generally are seen as unhealthy. Hopefully we can successfully avoid these.

As we progress through life, it seems to me that people develop a kind of “relationship meter” that helps them gauge how they’re doing in relationships. Some people seem to have a lot of good relationships, whereas others can’t seem to make or keep friends. If we find ourselves as one of those kinds of people that others seek out, we feel like we have something positive to offer others. On the other hand, if we’re one of the people who are somehow ill equipped socially, we may feel that we have little or nothing to offer.

But one thing I’m learning is that somehow when it comes to a relationship with God, his “relationship meter” doesn’t work the same way my human scale does. He doesn’t seem to care too much about what I have to offer, whether it’s a little or a whole lot. In fact I know that he doesn’t care at all about our outward appearance, but rather looks on the inside. The Bible makes that abundantly clear. Of course, we place a premium of value on appearance—but God doesn’t care about that at all.

I have been coming to the conclusion that I’m too rich to accept God’s charity. I’m not talking about money, I’m talking about the reality that what I bring to his table doesn’t count for much in terms of value. What about spiritual disciplines? I always figured that if I read my Bible and pray on a regular basis, I was racking up Brownie points with God—I was earning my way, bringing something to the relationship. “See, God, I am worth something! I can earn my keep in this thing! You don’t have to worry about me!” And if I kept up, I would feel good inside, having checked off the boxes for the day.

See, if I’m earning my way, I don’t really need him a whole lot: only when I encounter situations that are clearly out of my control. When that happens, deep down inside I hope he’ll come through for me; but if he doesn’t, I’ve got a backup plan or two in mind anyway. Actually if I’m honest, the backup plan was really Plan A, and God was Plan C or D. I figured that if he came through that’d be great, and that would save me the hassle of having to work it out myself. And, if he doesn’t come through for me, well, it’s just like a buddy who blows you off on the day you were moving. Sure, it makes things harder, but what the heck—so it takes a little longer and is harder. Oh well, who ever said life was supposed to be fair?

Looked at this way, God and I are buddies on some kind of semi-equal footing. For the most part, I try to keep my nose clean, stay out of trouble, so I don’t actually have to ask his forgiveness if I blow it. That would put me in a position of having to take from him yet again. On the plus side, by doing my spiritual disciplines regularly, I put a bunch of check marks in his plus category. So I’m in good shape there.

Lately, after coming to my conclusion, I’ve been saying this out loud to God before I pick up my Bible to read or study it: “God, I just want you to know that I am about to read my Bible. I’m not doing it to earn points. I know that you don’t love me any more if I read it, or any less if I don’t. I hope that I’m doing it because I actually want to learn about you, and this seems the best way to do it. OK? Are we good then?”

I’m not sure if it’s for him or me.

I think there’s some kind of connection with God’s grace in here somewhere. I just don’t want to be too rich to accept his charity.