A few years ago, I decided—along with a good friend of mine—to start exercising regularly. We planned to meet at the local Y, every morning…at 5 a.m. Yes, I said 5 a.m. Anyone who knows me realizes how much of a morning person I am NOT! But, that was the only time we could find in both of our schedules to go together. Since there is “power in numbers”, we thought it worth the sacrifice. This started in the fall of the year. We met, morning after morning, day after day--noticing fabulous changes in our bodies and attitudes. It was great! Even though 5 a.m. never became my favorite time of day, somehow, I got used to it.
I had been steadily going to the gym for a few months and had gotten into a routine. Things don’t really get busy at the Y (at least not in Lima, OH) until about 6:30 a.m. or 7 a.m. Only truly insane people get up at 4:30 a.m., to be ready to workout by 5 a.m. The fact that the gym was pretty bare at that time in the morning was one of the benefits. I am pretty cranky until after 10 a.m., so the less people I had to encounter, the better! I claimed a certain machine as “mine” (one of those fancy elliptical trainers); I would get up to the excise room and head straight to “my” machine, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, lest I’d have to smile at that time of the morning (or worse yet, make small talk!).
Things went along really well until January. The first time I went to the gym in January (the day after New Year’s Day), it was like a nightmare. There were people everywhere! Not only was my usually bare exercise room filled with people, they were all chipper people—ready to live changed lives, sure that “this year” would be different than last. They smiled and laughed, completely oblivious to the fact that it was 5 o’clock in the morning!!! The worst part of it all: someone was using MY MACHINE!
As someone who was a “regular” at the gym (probably the only period in my life where I could make that claim!), I found these “resolution people” tremendously annoying. They were in my space, laughing and smiling…and perky (oh so perky). I hated them. It’s true: I was a pastor and I hated people. I did not rejoice at their fresh energy and celebrate their new resolve. I simply wanted them out of my space and off of my favorite machine…and did I mention that they smiled? At 5 a.m.?
My friend comforted me with this thought: “Don’t worry, they won’t last long”. She was right. In less than two weeks, things were quickly getting back to normal. By the end of January, we had a virtually empty room, again, at 5 a.m. The only problem was, by the middle of February, I’d gotten out of the routine as well. Life got busy. My friend and I were so burnt out from 5-6 days a week of 5 a.m. exercise that we stopped holding each other accountable. It got easier and easier to sleep past my alarm. I went the way of the New Year exercisers!
Since we are now in a New Year, it has brought back memories of that time. Everyone I know is now on a new diet, a new health plan, a new routine. The cynical part of me wonders how long it will last. I remember how quickly the resolve of the masses died out at the Y that January. I remember how quickly my own resolve has died out many times, at the start of many new years (and at other times, as well).
Beyond the fact that I hate 5 a.m. and would rather not deal with people at that hour, I think there is a deeper reason those New Year exercisers bothered me. They reminded me of that part of me—of all of us—that gets so excited, so committed…only to run out of gas just a short way down the road. I despise that part of me. You see, in my mind, I have the body of a supermodel (with no gray hair), am a card carrying-Mensa member with an organized CD collection, a clean office desktop, and a spotlessly sanitary house (oh, and let me throw in “owner of perfectly behaved dogs”). Reality and my mental world don’t always match up. But there is this small window of time where anything seems possible. I call that time: the beginning of January.
Everything seems possible…nothing is out of reach…complete mastery of discipline and grace…it’s all within my grasp. By February, I am beating myself up, regretting all that I am not, surrounded by a pile of failed resolutions. There is comfort in knowing I am not alone in this process--but also, great sadness, in knowing that real, life-affirming, time-defying change is incredibly hard to sustain.
Does that mean we shouldn’t try at all? No! It just means we shouldn’t be so obnoxiously confident about our resolutions until they actually become habits—time-tested habits. It means that when we do “fail”, we don’t have to wait until next January to start again. Each day is a new day to begin again. It also means that—in all things—there is the grace of God…this overwhelming, unquenchable love of God that has nothing to do with how often we fail or even with how many of our resolutions become actual realities. One of my favorite quotes is this: “Even if you never changed…even if you stayed exactly as you are today…God would never love you any more, or any less, than He does right now.” That’s good to keep in mind as we begin a New Year. Let’s try our hardest to become the people we were created to be…but just remember, in the process: YOU ARE LOVED!
I had been steadily going to the gym for a few months and had gotten into a routine. Things don’t really get busy at the Y (at least not in Lima, OH) until about 6:30 a.m. or 7 a.m. Only truly insane people get up at 4:30 a.m., to be ready to workout by 5 a.m. The fact that the gym was pretty bare at that time in the morning was one of the benefits. I am pretty cranky until after 10 a.m., so the less people I had to encounter, the better! I claimed a certain machine as “mine” (one of those fancy elliptical trainers); I would get up to the excise room and head straight to “my” machine, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, lest I’d have to smile at that time of the morning (or worse yet, make small talk!).
Things went along really well until January. The first time I went to the gym in January (the day after New Year’s Day), it was like a nightmare. There were people everywhere! Not only was my usually bare exercise room filled with people, they were all chipper people—ready to live changed lives, sure that “this year” would be different than last. They smiled and laughed, completely oblivious to the fact that it was 5 o’clock in the morning!!! The worst part of it all: someone was using MY MACHINE!
As someone who was a “regular” at the gym (probably the only period in my life where I could make that claim!), I found these “resolution people” tremendously annoying. They were in my space, laughing and smiling…and perky (oh so perky). I hated them. It’s true: I was a pastor and I hated people. I did not rejoice at their fresh energy and celebrate their new resolve. I simply wanted them out of my space and off of my favorite machine…and did I mention that they smiled? At 5 a.m.?
My friend comforted me with this thought: “Don’t worry, they won’t last long”. She was right. In less than two weeks, things were quickly getting back to normal. By the end of January, we had a virtually empty room, again, at 5 a.m. The only problem was, by the middle of February, I’d gotten out of the routine as well. Life got busy. My friend and I were so burnt out from 5-6 days a week of 5 a.m. exercise that we stopped holding each other accountable. It got easier and easier to sleep past my alarm. I went the way of the New Year exercisers!
Since we are now in a New Year, it has brought back memories of that time. Everyone I know is now on a new diet, a new health plan, a new routine. The cynical part of me wonders how long it will last. I remember how quickly the resolve of the masses died out at the Y that January. I remember how quickly my own resolve has died out many times, at the start of many new years (and at other times, as well).
Beyond the fact that I hate 5 a.m. and would rather not deal with people at that hour, I think there is a deeper reason those New Year exercisers bothered me. They reminded me of that part of me—of all of us—that gets so excited, so committed…only to run out of gas just a short way down the road. I despise that part of me. You see, in my mind, I have the body of a supermodel (with no gray hair), am a card carrying-Mensa member with an organized CD collection, a clean office desktop, and a spotlessly sanitary house (oh, and let me throw in “owner of perfectly behaved dogs”). Reality and my mental world don’t always match up. But there is this small window of time where anything seems possible. I call that time: the beginning of January.
Everything seems possible…nothing is out of reach…complete mastery of discipline and grace…it’s all within my grasp. By February, I am beating myself up, regretting all that I am not, surrounded by a pile of failed resolutions. There is comfort in knowing I am not alone in this process--but also, great sadness, in knowing that real, life-affirming, time-defying change is incredibly hard to sustain.
Does that mean we shouldn’t try at all? No! It just means we shouldn’t be so obnoxiously confident about our resolutions until they actually become habits—time-tested habits. It means that when we do “fail”, we don’t have to wait until next January to start again. Each day is a new day to begin again. It also means that—in all things—there is the grace of God…this overwhelming, unquenchable love of God that has nothing to do with how often we fail or even with how many of our resolutions become actual realities. One of my favorite quotes is this: “Even if you never changed…even if you stayed exactly as you are today…God would never love you any more, or any less, than He does right now.” That’s good to keep in mind as we begin a New Year. Let’s try our hardest to become the people we were created to be…but just remember, in the process: YOU ARE LOVED!
1 comment:
whew, can I relate. I remember this time when I got up with a bunch of friends at 5:30am to go swim at a local college's rec facility...
seriously, I'm definitely overly ridiculous in setting realistic New Year's resolutions. Either that, or not very disciplined about keeping them. But I am a buff Mensa boy in my mind...just a matter of aligning reality to my mental picture. ;^)
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