General Conference Pictures

I only took two pictures (with my phone) while I was at General Conference. One picture (on the left) is of a giant star made of cowboy hats. I have never seen anything like it. Every time I walked by, I was amazed. Only Texans would make a giant star out of cowboy hats!!!!

The other picture (on top) is of the General Conference floor, where all the main legislative sessions and worship services took place. They had several really trendy screens placed all around the area. It was very high-tech and really cool!

Amazing Youth

There is an amazing young woman from my church, named Abby. She is a senior in high school, president of the youth group, incredibly dedicated to God and committed to living out her faith...the kind of teenager that makes a pastor weep on Graduation Sunday, because you hate to see her go.

For her senior project, Abby planned, organized, and implemented a mission trip to help the still struggling victims of hurricane Katrina. The trip took place between Christmas and New Years. Abby talked about her trip at church one Sunday, complete with a power point presentation. The adults in our congregation were moved (and, dare I say, convicted) that someone so young felt compelled to do something that most adults have not done. I have talked with Abby about that sentiment (i.e. how inspired the people of our church have been by her example). She is surprised people think it is so amazing, saying "Isn't this what all Christians are supposed to do?" She thinks it more surprising that some Christians do nothing to make a difference in the world, on behalf of Christ. I spared her the lecture about the difference between what Christians are supposed to do and what they ACTUALLY do. She is still passionate enough to want to change the world for Christ, and I don't want the apathy of some Christians to ever be a deterrent to her faith.

Abby invited me to be a judge for her senior project presentation yesterday. Once again, she blew the audience away. I kept thinking, as I sat there: "We are in a secular high school and here she is quoting Scripture and talking about service as a necessary part of her faith"...and more impressive, people were AMAZED. They were not offended by her faith (she is the epitome of sweetness, so I doubt she has the ability to offend). They were impressed by her example of service and sacrifice, her heart for others and desire to make a difference in the world. I think that is the kind of faith we are called to live out--faith that speaks so powerfully through our actions that people stop and take notice. I am not sure what the other senior projects were, because I only stayed for Abby's presentation, but I got the feeling (from some of the different teachers' comments) that she was the only one to take on something so huge. I felt so proud of her as she presented: proud to be her pastor and proud to be a Christian.

As part of her presentation, Abby talked about different kind of mission opportunities around the world and why we do mission work. She shared about the 10/40 window (which is a latitude/longitude designation, marking the area of the world that is most populated and least evangelized--encompassing a lot of Asia and Africa). The statistic she quoted was that 95% of the people in this area have never heard the Gospel ("Gospel" meaning the life-changing message of Jesus Christ), which she announced she found very surprising. I guess, living in the US, where all you have to do is turn on the TV and see some scary televangelist yelling about Jesus, it is hard to imagine a place where people have never even heard Jesus' Name.

When the time for questions came, one of the teachers (or other guest judges, not really sure) asked Abby about the 10/40 window and sharing the Gospel. She specifically asked her what the difference was between sharing the Gospel and doing service (like what Abby and her team did on their mission trip). Ultimately, Abby answered that the two were inseparable. To her, you show and tell people about Jesus by serving them, finding opportunities to talk about your faith along the way. I was proud of her answer, proud she "gets it" that Jesus wants us to walk the walk, as well as talk the talk.

Abby's closing challenge to the audience (filled with at least 50 teenagers and a bunch of adults) was for us to find ways to serve others, right where we are. She challenged us to make a difference in our neighborhoods, communities, and the world. For me, it was one of the best sermons I've ever heard...and we were right there in the middle of a public high school.

Traffic Annoyances

I had a long drive today, to and from my monthly clergy cluster meeting. While in transit, I noticed something that really peeves me: bad drivers...let me clarify, drivers who think where they have to be is more important than where anyone else may need to be.

On three separate occasions today, I saw drivers get into the wrong lane, realize they needed to be somewhere else, and then hold up traffic until the coast was clear for them to get back where they wanted to be...making everyone behind them wait because of their mistake. All of these occasions were in town, at busy intersections, where there are no extra lanes to get around someone and traffic is extra congested (leading to possible accidents when people do stupid things).

Now, you might think I am being ungracious, and perhaps I am. I am just of the mindset that when you make a mistake (i.e. get into the wrong lane), you should not inconvenience others in your attempt to rectify the situation. That would mean, in this particular example of traffic, don't let your car block two to three lanes of traffic while you wait to get into the lane you actually wanted. Proceed in the lane you find yourself in and turn around or take another street in order to get back to where you wanted to be. That would probably take the same amount of time, but it would not inconvenience everyone behind you. If I ruled the world, that would be the law! (but I am by no means applying for THAT job!)

At base, the thing that really bothers me is selfishness: doing what you want to do and not thinking about the people around you or how your actions are affecting them. It probably bothers me because I see selfishness rear its ugly head in my heart from time to time (probably more often than I dare admit), and I hate it. We tend to dislike vehemently in others the things we most dislike in ourselves, or so I've read (and experienced). I want so badly to love and serve Christ by serving and loving others...but there is this ME that gets in the way of that sometimes. This ME demands attention, approval, the right to be right in all things...it's not the prettiest part of this creature that God has called "good". I only confess this openly on my blog because I know I am not alone in the struggle. Jesus says "dying to self" is a necessary part of following Him...not an easy part, but a necessary one. I wish there were a pill you could take to simply make that happen. Instead, it is like a daily wrestling with the disparity between who you are and who you are called to become.

A more selfless person than me would probably be moved to pray for the rude, traffic blocking people, knowing that they are in need of God's grace...instead of just getting annoyed like I did today. Perhaps, next time I see someone doing something incredibly selfish, I will pray that God forgives me for all the selfish things I do without even being aware of it (and for the selfish things I do that I am completely aware of, as well). Oh, to love God and others more perfectly...

Jessica is way better than Taco Bueno!

I was remiss in mentioning an important part of my trip to General Conference: getting to spend time with my best friend, Jessica. She commented on my General Conference post from earlier this week, wondering why I mentioned Taco Bueno and not her. Seriously, the refried beans from Taco Bueno are out of this world, but she is even better. If this post works correctly, you shoud be able to see our picture to the left (aren't we cute?). We are proudly holding up our "page badges"--the symbol of complete and ultimate power (not really, but it did allow me to get up close to many United Methodist bishops, and more importantly, to the Rev. Adam Hamilton, who is like a rock star in Methodist circles; I delivered a note to him; he didn't look up because he was sending a text message, but I did almost touch him). But, I digress...

Jessica and I were roommates in seminary. We met in choir (the "Singing Seminarians"; yes, that is the real name). We were both crying one day during rehearsal, over certain men in our lives, and it created an instant bond between us (do you like how I share our deep emotional pain on the blog, Jes?!). While I have been blessed with many close and wonderful friends in my life, Jes has been the closest, making me understand the Bible verse: "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24) Jessica has been such a friend to me...and again, that is not to diminish the other great friendships in my life. This friendship is just different...making her the person that I want to talk to first whenever something significant happens, for good or for bad (ok, after I talk to my mom, that is...because as crazy as my mom makes me sometimes--you know I love you, Corky!--I am still a momma's girl at heart).

I met a fellow page at General Conference named Tim. Turns out he and I went to the same seminary, but at different times. We talked about our seminary days and what God had done in our lives there. He told me about his best friend from seminary, and I told him about Jes. I also told him that hands down, my friendship with her was the best thing I got from seminary (not that my $50,000 degree wasn't special or anything); he said the same about his friend. It made me wonder, since being a pastor is so hard (heck, since life is so hard), if God doesn't step in and give you a gift: the gift of a soul connection with another person who will be there for you throughout all the stages of life and ministry. There are days when I feel very alone in the world, but Jes is always there...a very tangible way for me to know and remember that God is real and He loves me.

One of my favorite names for the Holy Spirit is the word "Paraclete", which means "the One who comes alongside". I think that is a good description of my friend, Jes, as well...she's a mini-paraclete: one who knows me--the good, the bad, and the ugly--and loves me anyway.

One mark of a great friendship is that you feel loved and supported, but that is not the whole of friendship. Another significant aspect of friendship, at least in my eyes, is someone that helps you become the best version of yourself. Through my friendship with Jessica, I have found healing from God and learned how to accept the parts of myself that bother me the most. I have learned more about God's unconditional love through her example. I have learned that it is safe to open up your heart and soul to someone--that you don't have to be perfect to be accepted (being a perfectionist, that was a hard lesson to learn). I still have this secret fear she will someday realize that I am really not as great as she seems to think I am, but that has more to do with my insecurities than it does with the depth of her character or the nature of our friendship. Sometimes I am still in awe that someone so amazing is actually my best friend.

Living in different states, being busy pastors, having multiple life and family commitments, all make it difficult to spend much time together. So, I am grateful for General Conference, because it gave me time to spend with my dearest friend...and my soul is in a much better place because of that. Friendship is a means of grace, a way of encountering God. Thank you, Jes, for always being a conduit of God's love and grace in my life. Hanging out with you was better than Taco Bueno or even the multiple Adam Hamilton sightings.

Cyclone in Myanmar

I just read the following news brief on facebook.com:

"Nearly 4,000 people were killed Saturday by a devastating cyclone that smashed into Myanmar and officials fear its toll could go as high as 10,000. The death toll is likely to climb sharply because government officials say the storm hit with such force that 3,000 people from a single town cannot be found. Foreign Minister Nyan Win told foreign diplomats during a briefing that the death toll could reach 10,000, according to diplomats who spoke on condition of anonymity because the meeting was held behind closed doors. It was already a dramatic increase in the toll, which had been set at 351. 'The confirmed number is 3,934 dead, 41 injured and 2,879 missing within the Yangon and Irrawaddy divisions,' MRTV reported as aid agencies said hundreds of thousands of people were without shelter and drinking water."

Having actually been to Myanmar (ok, really, I just stood on the border and looked in because I didn't have a visa...but I kinda stuck my toe over the line, so I count that as a visit!), my heart breaks for the people there. They certainly need our prayers.

I find it interesting that, even though I have watched several news programs in the past two days, I've heard nothing about this before tonight. It seems significant enough for at least a little news coverage, or so you'd think. This reminds me of when I went to Venezuela in 2000, just after a huge flood. It was estimated that over 100,000 people were killed in that flood, yet it was barely a blip on the radar screen of our newscasts. I love the United States and all, but it would really be nice to if our media could take more notice of the rest of the world.
And that is my soapbox for tonight...

Confirmation Interviews

I interviewed a bunch of teenagers today, asking them questions about their faith...17 teenagers, to be exact. It was a long day!

Confirmation is the chance for teens to stand up and proclaim, in front of their church family, that they want to follow Jesus and serve Him with their lives. We have had confirmation classes all school year long on Sunday afternoons. I love those kids, but have to admit I am glad it is coming to an end. With 11 junior high boys and 6 junior high girls, it was more than a little crazy most days.

Knowing they had interviews today (to see if they really understand what confirmation is and discuss if they are ready to make that kind of committment), the kids were in rare form. My "class clown" came up to me before church this morning and said, "Pastor Tina, you look very pretty today". I said, "Are you trying to kiss up to me so you pass your confirmation interview?" He hung his head, mumbled "yes" under his breath, and walked away. They underestimate how smart I really am! ha ha ha!

The funniest thing about today was how nervous most of the kids were. They talked really fast, had trouble making eye contact, and answered with shaky voices. I struggled not to giggle. It isn't that I like to torture teens, it's just that I'm the least intimidating person alive. The kids know that. I taught their class for a year and they walked all over me (I have many gifts, but I am not the world's greatest disciplinarian, admittedly). The problem: They know I am funny--never let them see your sense of humor. I heard Joy Behar, from THE VIEW, talk about being a teacher in the public school system. Even though she is a comedian, she said she was never funny in the classroom because "the minute they know you are funny, you've lost control". I am living proof of that theory!

I wanted to meet with the kids individually and talk through the questions they are going to answer during the confirmation service, so they know what they are vowing to God. I'm a big proponent of only making vows to God that you: a) understand and b) actually plan to keep. Most of the kids are taking this really seriously, which makes me happy. That could be because I have talked about how serious this step is, over and over again, all year. Poor kids! No wonder they were scared.

I am not sure who came up with the baptismal questions in the United Methodist Hymnal, but I am thinking it is some old man that has never spoken with a teenager (or, for that matter, any normal person on the face of the earth). Let me give an example from the very first question they will be asked next Sunday, during the confirmation service: "Do you renounce the spiritual forces of wickedness, reject the evil powers of this world, and repent of your sin?" I went to seminary for four years and I have no idea what that means!!! I jest. I do know what it means, but wonder how any 8th grader is ever going to understand that? I now know all the questions by heart after discussing them one by one, 17 different times today. Of course, all the kids looked at me like I was on drugs when I asked them what the questions meant. I want to re-write all our liturgies in words and phrases that normal people can understand. You should not have to be in Mensa in order to join the church...call me crazy, but that's how I feel about it.

The best part of these interviews was getting to hear how excited these kids really are about their faith. They all want to get closer to God. When I asked why they wanted to be confirmed, most of them said: "To get closer to God". So, I followed with the question, "How will being confirmed help you be closer to God?" The answers were a little sketchy on that one, but they were trying...and they really do seem to want to know God better, which I think pleases God. God is always pleased when we desire more of Him.

The highlight of today was praying with two of my kids as they accepted Christ as their Savior for the first time. Days like today make up for all the stinky days...like when I have to plunge the toilet at church or photocopy newsletters or attend endless committee meetings. Some days, it's kind of a nice thing to be a pastor...even when you scare teenagers!

Airplanes

I flew home from Dallas/Ft. Worth tonight, in what looked like a pretty large airplane. For such a large plane, you would think the seat space would be roomier. I guess the actual seat is OK, but the leg room???? I am 6 feet tall. On an airplane, I become an instant sardine. Seriously, who can sit in those seats and be comfortable? Midgets? (I know it is not politically correct to say "midgets", but I am tired from being squished on an airplane and have lost all sense of propriety...plus I just like that word: midgets...say it to yourself a few times; it's a great word).

Those experienced fliers among you will tell me that I should sit in the emergency exit row and thus have more leg room. The problem with that idea is that every tall person in the world has the same plan. It would be easier to win the lottery than get one of those seats. To make matters worse, short people steal those seats. Seriously, people who don't have to ride for hours with their knees in their nose take the only seats on the plane where you can actually stretch out your legs. I know that Jesus loves these short people, but I want to steal their puke bags and pray for turbulence.

Not only is there no leg room on the plane, some braniac (probably a short person) decided to make seats that recline. So, picture a really tall person with her knees jammed into the seat in front of her when, suddenly, the man in front appears in her lap. I'm not exaggerating. I could have rested my complimentary beverage on his head.

Tonight's ride, however, was not the most uncomfortable of my life. That award would go to a 4-hour flight from Frankfurt to Moscow...where I had the window seat, in a row filled with people all well over 6 feet tall. I don't think any of the three of us in that row could move the smallest muscle for the entire flight. It sucked raw eggs. Comparatively speaking, tonight wasn't so bad.

I am forever in awe of how many miles one can travel in a matter of hours via a plane. Though they may be uncomfortable, I am grateful for them...and grateful to be home. There is no place like home (corny but true).

Tales from General Conference

I apologize for the blogging silence. I had surgery in February and spent time recovering from that, then making up for time that I was out from work, and simply re-adjusting to normal life again. That has taken up the bulk of my time. Have no fear, faithful blog readers, all is well; I am healthier than ever and hopefully back in the swing of blogging.

This week finds me at General Conference in Ft. Worth, TX. Every four years the United Methodist Church meets as a global church, to redefine who we are and how we are to live out our faith together. I am serving as a page, which means "one who walks all over the place handing out notes"--and other duties as assigned. I am averaging about 6 miles a day on the pedometer. So I get to exercise and be a Methodist nerd. What more could a person want?

It has been an adventure to be at Conference. I am seeing things in action that I've only read about. My UM Polity class (i.e. boring class all about the United Methodist Book of Discipline) did not do this process justice. It is fascinating to watch our process in action (very similiar to the American governmenal system) and to literally witness history in the making. I love seeing all the delegates from all over the world: all of us, together, one Lord, one Church. It is a beautiful thing.

General Conference is also incredibly frustrating. We have this concept in Methodism of everyone having the right to an opinion...everyone is represented. That is a wonderful thing when it works well, and irritating when fallen human nature (rather than grace) prevails. As always, there seem to be people who just like to hear themselves speak into microphones (which is my biggest pet peeve about Annual Confernce, our yearly regional meeting every summer).

The biggest frustration of General Conference, for me, has to do with the issue of homosexuality--and our ENDLESS discussion of it. Certainly, there are theological issues that need to be discussed. I believe and understand that. However, we as Methodists are completely fixated on one thing: homosexuality. That's not totally fair; we do discuss other things, but somehow it always seems to come back to homosexuality. I will lay down my cards on this issue. I am a conservative in regard to homosexuality. I feel like I have heard every possible argument against my position and nothing has really seemed compelling enough to change my mind yet. I think a person on the other side of the argument would probably say the same thing. We keep saying the same things to each other, over and again, only making everyone upset with each other, and distracting us from more important things, like, um...making disciples for Jesus Christ.

The reason I became a pastor is because I wanted to change the world for Christ. I wanted to see people transformed, until they became just like Jesus...living out His mission and His love in this world. I still think that is what Christianity (and the Church) is all about...at least what it SHOULD be all about. Yet, we focus on peripheral things as if they were the main things, and miss the point of the Church entirely.

The goal of my life is to love Jesus more, to love His people better, to make a difference in the world...somehow doing my part to bring His Kindgom right here to this little sphere of world that I inhabit. I wish that were our focus as a Church...both globally and individually. Too often, we are focused on everything but Jesus. It happens to me as an individual. I get my eyes focused on the wrong things, the lesser things. It happens in the local church, as we fight and bicker and gossip and focus on things that really don't matter a whole lot, at least not when it comes to furthering the Kingdom of God. It certainly happens at a global meeting like this; we are distracted from the central purpose of life: loving and glorifying God.

Does that mean nothing good has happened at General Conference? Lots of good has occurred: holy conferencing, redirection of focus, important legislation, relationships formed and strengthened, etc. Many good things. I have hope for the Church of Jesus Christ. God has not abandoned us yet, nor do I expect that He will abandon us in the future. It is just that when you gather a bunch of people together they act like, well, people...flawed and beautiful, profound and profaine, dull and inspired...we are a strange mixture of dirt and grace. Thank God for His continued patience and love.

I would also like to take this moment to thank God for Taco Bueno, a reason that I will be sad to leave Texas tomorrow. They have the best refried beans in the world...the world, I say!!!!

Being a Christian

I received an email today with a great poem, attributed to Maya Angelou. I did some research online and found out it wasn't written by her, and it had been changed a little along the way...like the game of "telephone" via the internet. Anyway, I really liked the sentiment, and hadn't blogged for awhile, so I thought I would share it to brighten your day.

When I say "I am a Christian"
Carol Wimmer

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting, "I've been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost! That's why I chose this way".
When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble-needing God to be my guide.
When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on.
When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt.
When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught.
When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are far too visible but God believes I'm worth it.
When I say, "I am a Christian," I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache which is why I seek His name.
When I say, "I am a Christian," I do not wish to judge
I have no authority--I only know I'm loved.

Resolutions and Change

It is a new year. Each new year is also an introduction to a new age for me, since my birthday is on New Year's Eve. The year 2008 also begins another chronologcial year of life for me. I tend to become reflective around my birthday, wondering what the next year will bring. That is intensified as the whole world also reflects on my birthday, planning resolutions for the new year. I guess we all need benchmarks, times to evaluate who we are, who we wish to be, and the disparity between the two.

I was on vacation in Georgia, visiting my sister and her family, over the holidays. I had a rare opportunity to sit in the pews of a church, rather than staring out at the pews, which excited me. I went to the mammoth (an understatement) Baptist church around the corner from my sister's house (which their family affectionately calls the "Jesus Dome") on the 30th. The guest preacher talked about family relationships and forgiveness. I guess he figured that most people were ready to kill their families after too much holiday time together! He opened his sermon by talking about resolutions. I can't remember the source he quoted...probably because my butt was still vibrating from the 15 guitars, drums, basses and other band instruments that made my seat move. Anyway, he referred to a sample population somewhere who were asked about new year's resolutions. Of the people questioned, all of them had new year's resolutions. When asked the likelihood of keeping those resolutions, 85 percent of people expected to fail (before the new year even began). When the same people were asked what their resolutions were from the previous year, guess what percentage could NOT remember? 100 percent. That floored me. But come to think of it, I am not really sure what my resolutions for 2007 were either...

All of this has got me thinking about the purpose of resolutions. Why even have them at all if no one keeps them? What is the purpose? I guess we all need a little hope, the glimmer of feeling that this year will be better than the last. We also like the illusion of control. If we feel in control of our fate--if we can do something, anything, to make ourselves better, happier--the future seems easier to face. But why do we give up? I guess because it is hard. Change is hard. Impossible, though? I hope not!

I had someone tell me recently that people just don't change. Is that really true? Our failure to keep resolutions is not the greatest testimony to our ability to change. My history teacher in high school told us that a basic human personality is formed by the age of 6 and will not change without some catastrophic, world-shaking kind of event. Keep in mind, he also told us how to "drop acid". (He was an archetypal hippie, so random, drug-references would often occur). My college psychology major convinced me that basic personality is formed even earlier than age 6, but made me optimistic that change is possible. The whole profession of psychology is built around the idea that people can, and do, change. Come to think of it, so is ministry. Christianity is all about transformation...dying with Christ and rising to new life..."the old has gone, the new has come".

People can change, become better, be transformed...but it doesn't always happen. In fact, transformation and change may be more the exception than the rule. I think there is one central thing which contributes to our changelessness more than anything else: our inability, or unwillingness, to do the difficult inner work required for change. That "inner work" encompasses a lot of things, but fundamentally: taking responsibility for our own actions, situations, weaknesses and sins, facing our inner demons with courage and consistency, taking time to understand our motivations and responses, the ability to defer immediate gratification for a greater reward down the road, etc.

I think about the Garden of Eden, when Adam and Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit. When God comes to them, asking what they have done (even though He knows full well what has happened), Adam blames the woman, the woman blames the snake...and I am sure the snake would have blamed someone, too, if given the chance...but he was long gone, his work being accomplished. I think that blaming is the worst part of it all. Rather than saying, "You know what God, we really messed up. We did what you asked us not to do and we have no one to blame but ourselves; we need Your help and Your forgiveness; we cannot be the people you created us to be without Your help. Please help." Instead, they say, "It wasn't me!" We do the same thing today. In relationships that are difficult, it is the other person who acts unreasonably. In our jobs, it is our co-workers, our boss, the mundane tasks that make us miserable. In our diets, we are too busy too exercise. There is usually an excuse for why we don't change...and most of the time, it is because of someone, or some thing, else. We don't like to look inside. We don't like to take responsibility.

We like things to be fast, convenient, and effortless. I know this because I am human. I am prone to these tendencies. The greatest obstacle between where I am now and where I want to be has always been, and will always be, me. I believe that to be a universal truth. We cannot control all the things that happen in our lives. Tragedies and joys come and go. The only thing we can control is our response...who we are in the midst of all that happens around us. Too often, we let what is happening around us define who we are and what we experience. We settle for status quo and suddenly another new year comes, and nothing has really changed.

What is the point of all this mental wandering? I guess to encourage myself, and all of us, to not give up on change in the new year. Let's do the work that it takes to be the people we are meant to be. It is slow, difficult, internal work...but it is not impossible. People CAN change. The choice is ours alone.