Long Absences

Hello Blog Readers!

Thank you for checking back in, even though I have been "silent" for a long time. Things have been busy: got engaged, planning a wedding, getting married in 30 days and 11 hours. In some ways, the wedding cannot get here soon enough, because I am truly ready to join my life with Joe's. It is all the little wedding details that make me wish there was at least a little more time left.

Being a pastor, I used to inwardly laugh at brides and all the things they worried about--things that really have no eternal meaning and really aren't important enough to cause ulcers (or potential matricide). Yet, now that I am the bride, I see it from a totally different perspective. It is like a light-switch clicked on and I became inordinately concerned with things like balloons and bubbles and ribbons and bows. Yes, I have become Bridezilla...me, the one who has counseled couples about the marriage relationship being the most important part of a wedding, about the wedding being a worship service meant to honor God, and about not getting caught up in details that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things, etc. Those are easy words to say until you become the bride and actually find yourself crying (read sobbing) over a simple, inconsequential printing error on your wedding invitations. Every few days, I cry about something. In all fairness, I think it is just the stress.

I am not stressed about marrying Joe. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I think that, because I have come to love him so much, I want a wedding that reflects how much Joe means to me, in the most perfect form possible. Perfection is a harsh thing to strive for...and pointless, really. I don't even know what perfect is. Still, I think a lot of the Bridezilla-mentality stems from a need to make your wedding into the perfect representation of your love. Not only does the phrase "perfect representation of our love" make me want to vomit, it is also impossible to symbolize marital love through bows and flowers. That just isn't going to happen. Something that meaningful cannot be made tangible through cake and balloons. Those things are just accessories meant to draw attention to what really matters.

This whole process has been eye-opening to me. I have learned that sometimes we surprise ourselves with our emotions and reactions. I have learned that I am more worldly-minded at times than I like to admit. And I have learned to never tell a bride to "calm down, it will all work out" (I am sure it is true, but brides don't want to hear it). I am also learning that maybe the stress and the mini-freakouts are just a normal part of the process and I should simply find a way to enjoy the crazy ride that leads me down the aisle. I will only travel this way one time; I might as well get the full experience! In the end, as long as Joe and I are married, I will be happy. Between now and then, I will probably be having nightmares about food running out, balloons deflating, flowers dying, and boys from the youth group (who are serving as ushers) wrestling each other in the narthex. Still, I guess the real fun (and meaning) in life is found in the unexpected, the disruptions, the detours. It is hard to remember that right now. I am sure I will get my spiritual perspective back again, after Bridezilla fever has passed.

I can't promise lots of blogging in the next month, but I will be back here soon enough. I miss it! And, who knows, you may get some pre-wedding rants from time to time in the next 30 days (and 11 hours). I am not sure how spiritually reflective it will be, but it will probably make you smile.

Feel free to check out our wedding website to read about the wedding details and sign our guest book: http://www.wedorama.com/joeandtina/