It is a new year. Each new year is also an introduction to a new age for me, since my birthday is on New Year's Eve. The year 2008 also begins another chronologcial year of life for me. I tend to become reflective around my birthday, wondering what the next year will bring. That is intensified as the whole world also reflects on my birthday, planning resolutions for the new year. I guess we all need benchmarks, times to evaluate who we are, who we wish to be, and the disparity between the two.
I was on vacation in Georgia, visiting my sister and her family, over the holidays. I had a rare opportunity to sit in the pews of a church, rather than staring out at the pews, which excited me. I went to the mammoth (an understatement) Baptist church around the corner from my sister's house (which their family affectionately calls the "Jesus Dome") on the 30th. The guest preacher talked about family relationships and forgiveness. I guess he figured that most people were ready to kill their families after too much holiday time together! He opened his sermon by talking about resolutions. I can't remember the source he quoted...probably because my butt was still vibrating from the 15 guitars, drums, basses and other band instruments that made my seat move. Anyway, he referred to a sample population somewhere who were asked about new year's resolutions. Of the people questioned, all of them had new year's resolutions. When asked the likelihood of keeping those resolutions, 85 percent of people expected to fail (before the new year even began). When the same people were asked what their resolutions were from the previous year, guess what percentage could NOT remember? 100 percent. That floored me. But come to think of it, I am not really sure what my resolutions for 2007 were either...
All of this has got me thinking about the purpose of resolutions. Why even have them at all if no one keeps them? What is the purpose? I guess we all need a little hope, the glimmer of feeling that this year will be better than the last. We also like the illusion of control. If we feel in control of our fate--if we can do something, anything, to make ourselves better, happier--the future seems easier to face. But why do we give up? I guess because it is hard. Change is hard. Impossible, though? I hope not!
I had someone tell me recently that people just don't change. Is that really true? Our failure to keep resolutions is not the greatest testimony to our ability to change. My history teacher in high school told us that a basic human personality is formed by the age of 6 and will not change without some catastrophic, world-shaking kind of event. Keep in mind, he also told us how to "drop acid". (He was an archetypal hippie, so random, drug-references would often occur). My college psychology major convinced me that basic personality is formed even earlier than age 6, but made me optimistic that change is possible. The whole profession of psychology is built around the idea that people can, and do, change. Come to think of it, so is ministry. Christianity is all about transformation...dying with Christ and rising to new life..."the old has gone, the new has come".
People can change, become better, be transformed...but it doesn't always happen. In fact, transformation and change may be more the exception than the rule. I think there is one central thing which contributes to our changelessness more than anything else: our inability, or unwillingness, to do the difficult inner work required for change. That "inner work" encompasses a lot of things, but fundamentally: taking responsibility for our own actions, situations, weaknesses and sins, facing our inner demons with courage and consistency, taking time to understand our motivations and responses, the ability to defer immediate gratification for a greater reward down the road, etc.
I think about the Garden of Eden, when Adam and Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit. When God comes to them, asking what they have done (even though He knows full well what has happened), Adam blames the woman, the woman blames the snake...and I am sure the snake would have blamed someone, too, if given the chance...but he was long gone, his work being accomplished. I think that blaming is the worst part of it all. Rather than saying, "You know what God, we really messed up. We did what you asked us not to do and we have no one to blame but ourselves; we need Your help and Your forgiveness; we cannot be the people you created us to be without Your help. Please help." Instead, they say, "It wasn't me!" We do the same thing today. In relationships that are difficult, it is the other person who acts unreasonably. In our jobs, it is our co-workers, our boss, the mundane tasks that make us miserable. In our diets, we are too busy too exercise. There is usually an excuse for why we don't change...and most of the time, it is because of someone, or some thing, else. We don't like to look inside. We don't like to take responsibility.
We like things to be fast, convenient, and effortless. I know this because I am human. I am prone to these tendencies. The greatest obstacle between where I am now and where I want to be has always been, and will always be, me. I believe that to be a universal truth. We cannot control all the things that happen in our lives. Tragedies and joys come and go. The only thing we can control is our response...who we are in the midst of all that happens around us. Too often, we let what is happening around us define who we are and what we experience. We settle for status quo and suddenly another new year comes, and nothing has really changed.
What is the point of all this mental wandering? I guess to encourage myself, and all of us, to not give up on change in the new year. Let's do the work that it takes to be the people we are meant to be. It is slow, difficult, internal work...but it is not impossible. People CAN change. The choice is ours alone.
I was on vacation in Georgia, visiting my sister and her family, over the holidays. I had a rare opportunity to sit in the pews of a church, rather than staring out at the pews, which excited me. I went to the mammoth (an understatement) Baptist church around the corner from my sister's house (which their family affectionately calls the "Jesus Dome") on the 30th. The guest preacher talked about family relationships and forgiveness. I guess he figured that most people were ready to kill their families after too much holiday time together! He opened his sermon by talking about resolutions. I can't remember the source he quoted...probably because my butt was still vibrating from the 15 guitars, drums, basses and other band instruments that made my seat move. Anyway, he referred to a sample population somewhere who were asked about new year's resolutions. Of the people questioned, all of them had new year's resolutions. When asked the likelihood of keeping those resolutions, 85 percent of people expected to fail (before the new year even began). When the same people were asked what their resolutions were from the previous year, guess what percentage could NOT remember? 100 percent. That floored me. But come to think of it, I am not really sure what my resolutions for 2007 were either...
All of this has got me thinking about the purpose of resolutions. Why even have them at all if no one keeps them? What is the purpose? I guess we all need a little hope, the glimmer of feeling that this year will be better than the last. We also like the illusion of control. If we feel in control of our fate--if we can do something, anything, to make ourselves better, happier--the future seems easier to face. But why do we give up? I guess because it is hard. Change is hard. Impossible, though? I hope not!
I had someone tell me recently that people just don't change. Is that really true? Our failure to keep resolutions is not the greatest testimony to our ability to change. My history teacher in high school told us that a basic human personality is formed by the age of 6 and will not change without some catastrophic, world-shaking kind of event. Keep in mind, he also told us how to "drop acid". (He was an archetypal hippie, so random, drug-references would often occur). My college psychology major convinced me that basic personality is formed even earlier than age 6, but made me optimistic that change is possible. The whole profession of psychology is built around the idea that people can, and do, change. Come to think of it, so is ministry. Christianity is all about transformation...dying with Christ and rising to new life..."the old has gone, the new has come".
People can change, become better, be transformed...but it doesn't always happen. In fact, transformation and change may be more the exception than the rule. I think there is one central thing which contributes to our changelessness more than anything else: our inability, or unwillingness, to do the difficult inner work required for change. That "inner work" encompasses a lot of things, but fundamentally: taking responsibility for our own actions, situations, weaknesses and sins, facing our inner demons with courage and consistency, taking time to understand our motivations and responses, the ability to defer immediate gratification for a greater reward down the road, etc.
I think about the Garden of Eden, when Adam and Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit. When God comes to them, asking what they have done (even though He knows full well what has happened), Adam blames the woman, the woman blames the snake...and I am sure the snake would have blamed someone, too, if given the chance...but he was long gone, his work being accomplished. I think that blaming is the worst part of it all. Rather than saying, "You know what God, we really messed up. We did what you asked us not to do and we have no one to blame but ourselves; we need Your help and Your forgiveness; we cannot be the people you created us to be without Your help. Please help." Instead, they say, "It wasn't me!" We do the same thing today. In relationships that are difficult, it is the other person who acts unreasonably. In our jobs, it is our co-workers, our boss, the mundane tasks that make us miserable. In our diets, we are too busy too exercise. There is usually an excuse for why we don't change...and most of the time, it is because of someone, or some thing, else. We don't like to look inside. We don't like to take responsibility.
We like things to be fast, convenient, and effortless. I know this because I am human. I am prone to these tendencies. The greatest obstacle between where I am now and where I want to be has always been, and will always be, me. I believe that to be a universal truth. We cannot control all the things that happen in our lives. Tragedies and joys come and go. The only thing we can control is our response...who we are in the midst of all that happens around us. Too often, we let what is happening around us define who we are and what we experience. We settle for status quo and suddenly another new year comes, and nothing has really changed.
What is the point of all this mental wandering? I guess to encourage myself, and all of us, to not give up on change in the new year. Let's do the work that it takes to be the people we are meant to be. It is slow, difficult, internal work...but it is not impossible. People CAN change. The choice is ours alone.
